Old schoolfriend messages

[BringMeSunshine48]

Every year, without fail, an old school friend messages a few of us (adds us to a WhatsApp group) asking if we all want to meet up for drinks (4 of us). One of the group lives miles away but has family local, others live within a 10 mile radius.
I can tell nobody is ever all that keen, but we've met up in the past a few times. It's pleasant enough and we all get along ok, but she has set up a new group a couple of days ago and nobody has responded to her.
It's quite awkward! I feel bad for her, but feel as though it's always me who responds first because nobody replies and it feels so uncomfortable! This generally seems to force the others into awkwardly agreeing too.
I've purposely not responded this time, sat back to let someone else take the lead for once...but as yet, radio silence.
It's quite rude.
I don't mind meeting up, not overly fussed (as I'm guessing the others aren't!)
I find it odd that nobody replies unless I do?
Thoughts?

On WhatsApp go to settings - groups and it will say 'everybody' or 'my contacts' or no one - click this and select an option.

This is my option currently

Sorry, settings - privacy - groups

I've private messaged her and said in happy to attend if she manages to sort something with the others.

Done! Thankyou 🙏

As she has posted she’ll be able to see in info who has read her message and when. It’s a difficult one, OP.

Not meaning to be rude, but I don’t really get what’s achieved by doing this versus just posting in the group chat you’re happy to attend? Either you’re willing to go or you’re not. Are you really that bothered by others in the group waiting for you to post first? Why does it matter so much?

Our school group 'leader' decided last month to get people to commit to something in 2025... cannot think that far ahead!
A fair few of us have said that it's a lovely idea but we can't commit.
TBF, this is a big group and we have a wonderful time when we do meet but 15/16 months out is a big ask

@Fionaville couldn’t agree more! I find the expectation of a meet up with people I haven’t seen in years so unappealing! I find it hard enough to maintain relationships with family and nearby friends infrequent reunions are too much.

I do have very friends I see infrequently and am happy to make the effort with but old school friends, ex work colleagues, friends of my parents I can’t do it. I always wish these people well and would be happy to bump into them but won’t do reunions or meet ups anymore.

I enjoyed a weekend break in a UK town recently and was berated by my Mum for not popping in on an old family friend who lived there. It’s not something I would think of doing.

OP when you privately messaged her why didn’t you say it would be good to get together with just her? It’s obvious the other two aren’t keen.
I recently left a group like this, I should have done it sooner, I used to dread the annual invite. The night out was always rubbish, normally it consisted of a meal out where most of the participants had already eaten beforehand so would order just a soup or scotch egg and a pot of tea with extra hot water (in a prime week in December ) and then all they talked about was their dogs.
I tried muting the group but still seemed to get messages, then I gave my excuses for two years before finally leaving. I felt suddenly free, I’ve certainly leaned from this experience.

It's really difficult to plan a group event at short notice

And I wouldn't want to commit to booking a venue unless I knew people would come and I wouldn't be left out of pocket

So, I understand why people hesitate to commit, but please spare thought for the organiser

I would read that as meaning that you really aren't willing to see her on her own. If I received such a message, I would find it so utterly ludicrously rude that I would just block you, is that your plan as I'm struggling to understand?

Oh! I didn't realise it read that way. She's arranging a group get together and so I was just saying sure, I'm in if you manage to sort it with the others OK. I have in the past offered for her to pop to mine for a cuppa, so hoping she knows I'm also happy to see her just the 2 of us too.

Well, it probably doesn't matter as you don't seem bothered about her either way. If you don't want hurt feelings then perhaps best to actually call her and clarify though.

Pretty obvious no one wants to go but you’re all too polite to say as much so all ignoring the poor woman instead. I think you need to bite the bullet and be honest although it’s arguably now obvious with the lack of response…

How do I not seem bothered about her??
I've private messaged her and said I'm in. I've also previously said I'm happy to meet up for a coffee with her or come over to mine!

You make absolutely no sense.

Just wondering why she keeps adding you to groups. Don’t you already have one anyway? Seems odd to need to start another.

I don't mind meeting up, not overly fussed (as I'm guessing the others aren't!)
This is not how people talk about seeing an old friend who they care about. HTH.

I don't mind meeting up. True
I'm not overly fussed. True
Would I arrange it? No.
Would I go along for a couple of hours? Yes.

I'm unsure what your point is tbh

You asked me a direct question "How do I not seem bothered about her??", then told me that I make no sense. I was not making a point, I was showing that the specific words you used give the impression you don't care about the ex friend.

I get it. There’s lots of people that I would be happy to see if they asked and I was free and able to do it. However I probably wouldn’t reach out to arrange something. Doesn’t mean I hate them. It’s just what it’s like with some friendships.