Controversial opinion about number of kids

[BringItOnxxx]

OK, donning safety armour here but is it not the case that there's no perfect number of children in a family for example:

• one (they might be lonely)
• two (bit of an intense relationship)
• three (someone always left out)
• four (hard for parents to give attention)

My sister had four because she felt we where two intense and she had noone to play with because I had other friends, I have 1 because I started late and was ambivalent about having dc at all.

Sounds pretty uncontroversial to me.

people will have ideas about what is right for them but I think it’s generally agreed that different strokes for different folks and that people who are convinced their choice is the right one are pretty knobbish.

I agree that there’s no perfect number, or that the perfect number is different for every family. I don’t agree with people pushing two children as the “right” number. It might be right for a lot of families but not all. Some parents only want or can only cope with one. Some would be happier with a few more. As long as people aren’t having so many children that they can’t cope and are neglecting them to each their own.

Always baffles me. I am the only child and never felt lonely. Had loads of friends and really can't complain. Of course, it was back in a day when we were allowed to roam the streets for the entire day completely unsupervised. Not sure how many hours I actually spent with my family between school and free-roaming.

I know one family with 1 child and another with 9-11 children, it’s the latter that are more controversial

YANBU but my unpopular opinion is that it’s very unreasonable to the DC to have more than two of them unless you are extremely high earners.

There's no "right" number except you need to be able to cope with the number you have, that's physically, financially, emotionally etc - quite frankly if I could have afforded a nanny and housekeeper I would probably have had 4 kids, it's just I couldn't cope with more than 2!

I agree there’s no right number. There are pros and cons to every number, including 0 or 5+ which you didn’t cover. Very family is different, every child is different, every sibling relationship and dynamic is different. You can’t craft a perfect family, there will always be issues somewhere along the line in terms of family dynamic and you can’t really plan for what those will be. Adults should make the choice around number of children that feels right for them and those choices aren’t really anybody else’s business.

It’s interesting because I think the number of siblings you had growing up impacts things and the relationship you had/have with your siblings.

My dad was an only child, my mum was one of four. My dad wanted more than one as he always felt lonely and my mum wanted just one as she felt her upbringing was chaotic. They compromised with two in the end.

I want two or three. Ideally three (I just hate pregnancy not sure I can do it three times)… so happy with two. But when I was younger I always wanted another sibling hence why I think three.

I've never heard of the 'intense' thing about two siblings. Bizarre.

I’ve heard the sayings about 1,3 & 4. The 2 thing sounds unique to your family.

The thing I hear more about two children is ‘they might not like each other just because they are siblings’

I don't know a lot of people do seem to have a preference for 2. When I had one everyone around me seemed to think it was inevitable we'd have another.

I know a family with 7 and they are all lovely, happy children. The most important thing is loving parents in a stable relationship, able to provide for them. The absolute number doesn't matter.

I was binge watching “Rich Holiday, Poor Holiday” earlier. The ‘poor’ family had 6 kids and were stuck in social housing in a rough area. IMO a ridiculous situation to keep popping them out.

It all depends on the marerial & emotional circumstances of the adults and the personalities and needs of the kids (which you only discover when they’ve arrived and there’s no going back). Throw in the randomness of everything that happens to everyone outside of the family home and there’s just no way to predict how relationships and dynamics will work out for any given family group.

There's no perfect number to avoid judgment unless you only have two imo.

In my case my mil was spitting blood when we had our third. It has zero impact on her life as she only sees us max 4 days a year if that.

I don't get the issue with 2?!

What does 'intense' mean?

Personally I find two children perfect - two parents for two kids, and most things are set up for families of 4 - cars, restaurant tables, hotel rooms etc

you need to be able to cope with the number you have, that's physically, financially, emotionally etc - quite frankly if I could have afforded a nanny and housekeeper I would probably have had 4 kids, it's just I couldn't cope with more than 2

This.

Not just the financial impact but also having enough time to spend with every child.