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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think he's just really not interested in being in a relationship with me?

18 replies

pourmea · 02/01/2024 14:15

Been with my boyfriend for 6 months and it's just slowly dawning on me that he's really not very interested in me as a person nor able to provide me with any emotional support.

Every conversation I have with him is turned sexual one way or another. 80 percent of our chats are sexual. He becomes very animated if we're speaking sexually but very lukewarm when discussing anything else. He rarely asks me any questions other than how are you/what you doing? When he's around me, we will have sex, and he will cuddle etc after but after a while he goes very cold.

My mum is unwell and in hospital at the moment. He hasn't asked since I told him she was in hospital how she is.

I'm used to being in contact everyday and I will really miss our chats so I really don't want to end it abruptly but rather I would just like to pull away gradually. However, I feel my mood is determined by his mood. If I don't hear from him I get sad, if he's in a good mood I'm happy, if he's being distant I am upset and worried. How can I gradually pull away whilst protecting myself? I don't want to stop speaking to him yet.

OP posts:
pourmea · 02/01/2024 14:17

I guess I just need practical advice, is it just not responding as quickly to him? Not texting him first etc? The not texting him if I don't hear from him I really struggle with.

OP posts:
AndWordsWhen · 02/01/2024 14:17

You can't pull away gradually -that never works. He sounds awful. Focus your energy on your lovely mum and block him.

Bestyearever2024 · 02/01/2024 14:19

Just end it and fill your time when you would have been chatting to him with something joyful and productive

Namechange4448830938489 · 02/01/2024 14:23

You will miss sex chats?

Youcannotbeseriousreally · 02/01/2024 14:24

Just tell him thanks but no thanks and then block him and move on

tomatoontoast · 02/01/2024 14:24

Just break up with him.

Send him a text ending things if that's any easier.

Who has time to slowly break things off with someone. Get on with it.

Sapphire387 · 02/01/2024 14:25

Is he actually a boyfriend or just a man you have sex with?

I don't think you can gradually stop - you sound like there is a level of emotional dependency there.

You need to find something to 'replace' your chats with him - focus on a hobby, seeing friends, etc.

pourmea · 02/01/2024 14:27

Namechange4448830938489 · 02/01/2024 14:23

You will miss sex chats?

Yeah some of them. It's not just full on sexts, but always an undertone, always highly flirtatious and he makes me laugh. So yeah I will miss our chats.

OP posts:
SweetFemaleAttitude · 02/01/2024 14:32

Stop viewing him as your boyfriend then and just someone you have sex with.

pourmea · 02/01/2024 14:53

SweetFemaleAttitude · 02/01/2024 14:32

Stop viewing him as your boyfriend then and just someone you have sex with.

I'm emotionally attached to him though.

OP posts:
Ace56 · 02/01/2024 15:46

pourmea · 02/01/2024 14:53

I'm emotionally attached to him though.

This is the problem, you need to un-attach! He clearly doesn’t see you in the same way you see him.

Just break up with him and rip the plaster off - it will be shit for a couple of weeks but you’ll get over it, it’s only been 6 months!

Bestyearever2024 · 02/01/2024 15:55

pourmea · 02/01/2024 14:53

I'm emotionally attached to him though.

I'd say there's a chance that you're emotionally attached to the IDEA of who he MIGHT be one day

Because let's be honest, at the he cant even be bothered to ask how Mum is. Not exactly an emotional attachment to break 🤪

Inkyblue123 · 02/01/2024 15:57

There is a lid for every pot. He is just not the right lid for you! And although there are elements of your relationship you enjoy he is not able or willing to meet your emotional needs. Just break it off, it’s not going anywhere. Every relationship that doesn’t work out , romantic and otherwise, teaches you something about yourself. Now you know better what qualities you are looking for in a partner. Good luck out there, honestly he sounds like a bore.

Olika · 02/01/2024 16:14

This guy only wants you for sex/sexting. And you have used 6 months of your life for that. Just tell him it's over and concentrate on your mum and other things in life. It's not like this 'relationship' is going to grow into something meaningful.

ManateeFair · 02/01/2024 16:15

He isn't going to change. He is using you for sex.

You need to end this. Don't pull away gradually. Just end it.

tennesseewhiskey1 · 02/01/2024 16:17

He’s a FWB at best. Do you want to see yourself end up with someone who really only wants to shag you? If you want to just sleep with him great - he’s not your bf tho.

Maray1967 · 02/01/2024 16:19

You need to ditch this one asap. If I’m honest, I’ve not read many posts that have made me sadder - he’s awful and you’re attached to him? He has never asked about your mum? Just end it.

KnowledgeableMomma · 02/01/2024 17:21

"I'm emotionally attached to him though."

But he's not emotionally attached to you. Not much of an actual relationship.....just a booty call when he needs.

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