Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Weird humour or am I overthinking it?

68 replies

IcebergToes · 02/01/2024 13:02

I've recently made friends with two men, A and B. I met A through mutual friends and then A introduced me to B. We all got on really well, sometimes I would hang out with A and sometimes with both A and B. We don't know each other that well, so most of our time is spent on superficial subjects and making each other laugh. We're all pretty busy so we only meet up maybe once a week and we WhatsApp every 2 or 3 days, not as a group chat, that's just how often I talk to them. I imagine they talk and meet up with each other more often as they have been friends for much longer.

Just before Christmas I was invited out with them and another mutual friend but I couldn't make it. I did text A that evening to ask how things were going and if they had found a good pub. Just three short messages. A few hours later, I get a voice message from A's phone (but B's voice) replying to my messages saying "It's none of your business" and I could hear the other two laughing in the background. Then a text saying "Whose voice is that?". I thought it was a bit odd and I felt a bit stupid, so I didn't reply.

The next day B text saying "you're not upset about my message, are you? 🙄" I replied that it was a bit weird, but don't worry about it. He then replied "sorry about that 🙄". The conversaton ended and a few days later everything continued as normal. I figured that he probably just wanted to say something to me that evening but didn't really know what to say, so ended up saying something that wasn't actually funny.

A few days later, we were chatting on WhatsApp and he told me he had been doing a masters, I asked what in and he told me. I said I'd never heard of that and he replied "duh, everyone's heard of it". I assumed that was just his humour (because it was clearly a niche subject) and I continued chatting about other things.

Yesterday, I asked over WhatsApp about his masters and he was confused and asked who had told me that he had been doing postgraduate studies. I said that it was him who told me. He laughed and said he wasn't doing a masters and was probably drunk when he said it. I said that if I ever ask anything that's remotely serious, he deflects and talks nonsense but I can't tell when he's joking or telling the truth. After that he said he was drinking, didn't want to end up talking nonsense and so will talk to me another time.

I feel like I've offended him, but equally his jokes are weird and I don't know what to do with them.

OP posts:
Springcleaninginsummer · 02/01/2024 13:25

You don't know either of these men. They are lying to you and being rude to you. Why bother with either of them?

LumpyPumpkin · 02/01/2024 13:25

What type of masters did he say he was doing? It might have been total nonsense made up thing that he thought would make you laugh, hence his confusion when you asked about it again.

ManateeFair · 02/01/2024 13:25

The whole dynamic sounds weird. You don't really seem to 'get' each other in any way, or have much in common.

DappledThings · 02/01/2024 13:26

Planeflames · 02/01/2024 13:22

@MotherofChaosandDestruction the only dull ones here are those who have seriously never responded something similar when a friend bails on a night out.

Gransnet is calling

I'm happy to be called dull if I don't get why saying "none of your business" and pretending to be someone else is funny. I'm not claiming it's offensive, it's just boring.

I think that's the dull bit, I don't get it.

NaughtybutNice77 · 02/01/2024 13:28

I doubt you've offended anyone. It's likely just their sense of humour and their take on banter. I'd also bet it peaks when they've had a drink.
If this is something that gets to you, they're not the friends for you.
If I got that text I might reply 'Everything is my business. I demand you tell me NOW' or something equally banal.
I have a friend like this. We can have serious conversations but most of the time it's lighthearted but I get bombarded with either corny dad jokes or exist Benny Hill type memes. It's tedious but as a package I like him. He teases me for 'banging on' when I'm midly intellectual.
It works. Neither of us want to be a couple. Neither of us are going to change much.

BTW I'd consider if you're meeting up weekly and he's introduced you to his bestie and you're chatting throughout the week I wonder if your desperate for friendships and chosing quantity over quality. Still, if you otherwise enjoy the company go for it. Their other friends C & D might be right up your street and Bs brother in law could be your BF in a years time!

McMuffins · 02/01/2024 13:28

Planeflames · 02/01/2024 13:22

@MotherofChaosandDestruction the only dull ones here are those who have seriously never responded something similar when a friend bails on a night out.

Gransnet is calling

Or they have a different sense of humour.

Are you ok? Your comments on this thread are unnecessarily spikey.

IcebergToes · 02/01/2024 13:32

AuntySueDoesntGiveAShit · 02/01/2024 13:14

Sounds a bit gas lighty and also that they're taking the piss out of you. I'd give them a swerve.

Yeah, there's certainly a part of me that is wondering if I'm just someone they laugh at. I wouldn't have thought that if it wasn't for the others laughing in the background on the voicemessage, I'd have just though B was a bit odd.

'A' doesn't do weird things like that, but the voicemessage came from his phone yet he didn't text anything afterwards to try to distance himself from it or to check that I'd found it funny rather than rude.

OP posts:
Sparklfairy · 02/01/2024 13:35

I think he's drunk when you're chatting over whatsapp a lot more than you know. When he said he was doing a masters in <niche subject>, the 'duhh everyone's heard of it' is SUCH drunk talk.

Then he's forgotten all bullshitting you, and got embarrassed when you've kind of found him out, and ended the conversation.

I couldn't be bothered engaging with someone who was apparently two different people, in person and (drunk) on whatsapp.

ForTonightGodisaDJ · 02/01/2024 13:35

WhateverMate · 02/01/2024 13:18

Yesterday, I asked over WhatsApp about his masters and he was confused and asked who had told me that he had been doing postgraduate studies. I said that it was him who told me. He laughed and said he wasn't doing a masters and was probably drunk when he said it.

More likely the other guy had his phone and he sent the message about having a Master's.

This ^

thecatsarecrazy · 02/01/2024 13:40

Sounds like a twat, I would give him a swerve tbh

Somatosensational · 02/01/2024 13:44

Is @Planeflames Person B? Confused

IcebergToes · 02/01/2024 13:48

Sparklfairy · 02/01/2024 13:35

I think he's drunk when you're chatting over whatsapp a lot more than you know. When he said he was doing a masters in <niche subject>, the 'duhh everyone's heard of it' is SUCH drunk talk.

Then he's forgotten all bullshitting you, and got embarrassed when you've kind of found him out, and ended the conversation.

I couldn't be bothered engaging with someone who was apparently two different people, in person and (drunk) on whatsapp.

You're right, it sounds like drunk talk. But the masters could well have been a genuine subject, so it's not like it was an obvious joke. It is a bit weird that he had completely forgotten about it a few days later. He didn't come across as so drunk that he would forget things, which makes me wonder if it's so normal for him to lie(?) make weird untrue jokes(?) that he doesn't even register what he's saying. It came up because I asked him what he had been doing before he came to this area, so maybe he didn't want to say and instead opted for talking rubbish. But that would mean we could never become proper friends because I wouldn't know how much was genuine and how much was made up on the spot when he didn't want to answer a question.

The more I think about it, the more unappealing the friendship with him is sounding.

OP posts:
JadziaD · 02/01/2024 13:58

It's not miscommunication. He told you he was doing a masters. In that conversation he tried to make you feel stupid because you'd never heard of that masters. He then subsequently told you that he is NOT doing a masters and has attempted to gaslight you by saying he never told you he was.

This man is very bad news and I would avoid him.

You haven't said but I assume these are purely platonic friendships? I think it's a bit odd to go from not knowing someone to regular chatting and weekly meet ups that quick so I wonder if he thinks you are interested in one/both of them and is somehow testing your boundaries (consciously or subconsciously) already.

I'd ditch him personally. I don't stay friends with people who make me feel like shit.

EnjoyTheMushrooms · 02/01/2024 14:09

I couldn’t be fucked with any of that…

Snowdogsmitten · 02/01/2024 14:11

Planeflames · 02/01/2024 13:14

@IcebergToes your entire post is very odd It’s also quite clear this man is joking.

Christ alive

WTF?

The man is full of shit. He talks nonsense. To the point I’d think there was something wrong with him. Why are posters being dicks to the OP?

LittleGreenDragons · 02/01/2024 14:16

You can't see the humour because there isn't any. "Friend" B is mocking and belittling you so I would cool that relationship right down and only see/speak to him when in a group. Friend A doesn't have your back so proceed with caution.

FKAT · 02/01/2024 14:19

The late writer Cynthia Heimel said you should only ever be friends with people who think you're amazing and the world is better because you are in it. I think more people (especially on MN) should follow this advice.

Bestyearever2024 · 02/01/2024 14:23

The voice message with laughter in the background was childish. I expect they were drunk. Life is too short to tolerate dicks. I couldn't be bothered. I'd rather read a good book with a nice cup of tea

Bestyearever2024 · 02/01/2024 14:24

FKAT · 02/01/2024 14:19

The late writer Cynthia Heimel said you should only ever be friends with people who think you're amazing and the world is better because you are in it. I think more people (especially on MN) should follow this advice.

Brilliant 👏

BadBarry · 02/01/2024 15:11

I wasted much too much time on a 'friendship' where everything was turned into a joke and guessing game.
In the end I've distanced myself you can only get so far with people like that and to have a proper friendship you do have to be able to go deeper than the jokes otherwise they are really just an acquaintance - id keep him as just that and nothing more and reduce the texting.

Flyhigher · 02/01/2024 15:58

He's not a good friend.

Flyhigher · 02/01/2024 16:03

What was the masters in? He is just horrible. They both are dump them both.
People who find this to be humour are just used to be bullied verbally all day.

IcebergToes · 02/01/2024 16:16

Flyhigher · 02/01/2024 16:03

What was the masters in? He is just horrible. They both are dump them both.
People who find this to be humour are just used to be bullied verbally all day.

He said the masters was in Integrated Current. English isn't his first language, so I wondered if it was maybe a bad translation or maybe just something I hadn't heard of. I didn't care enough to google it, I just took it at face value. Maybe this is a well known joke and you'll all laugh at my naivety. If he had have said he was studying fish toes or something obviously ridiculous, of course I would have understood that it was a joke. But, to me at least, it wasn't obvious and I'm failing to see how anyone could find it funny, it's more boring than funny. So I'm guessing that he didn't want to answer the question, for whatever reason didn't feel comfortable saying that, so made up some obvous(?) nonsense so that I would know that he didn't want to talk about it. Except I didnt.

OP posts:
IcebergToes · 02/01/2024 16:21

BadBarry · 02/01/2024 15:11

I wasted much too much time on a 'friendship' where everything was turned into a joke and guessing game.
In the end I've distanced myself you can only get so far with people like that and to have a proper friendship you do have to be able to go deeper than the jokes otherwise they are really just an acquaintance - id keep him as just that and nothing more and reduce the texting.

This is it. What's the point of a friendship where you can only go as deep as silly jokes? Any question might be answered or might be just a made up answer to stop me asking. How would I ever know what was real and what was made up? It's a bit of a waste of time hanging out with someone who can only ever be an acquaintance, there's only so many superficial conversations I can have.

OP posts:
Flyhigher · 02/01/2024 16:24

I'm an academic. And I haven't heard of Integrated Current. It's all nonsense.