Daughter and sleep ruining my life

[Nomosapien]

I know it sounds dramatic but I am at my wits end and becoming depressed as a result of my almost 5 year olds sleep issues.

Shes such a brilliant child but she has been so clingy to me from birth and it’s such a challenge. I have tried everything over the years including crying it out which I am ashamed of but I was desperate. My daughter simply will not fall asleep unless I am in the bed with her. I can’t just be next to her, I can’t be in the room, I need to be physically with her and touching her for her to sleep. My partner (her dad) tries so hard to persist but she will scream for hours until I give in.

I put her to bed at 7pm usually, and I walk out of the room to feed my 5 month old and attempt to have some time with my partner once she has fallen asleep. After 20 minutes of leaving the room she screams until I come up. If I don’t hear immediately, she will come downstairs and cry uncontrollably even once I’m back in bed with her. On a good night she will wake twice and cry for me to come back. Christmas Day I was laying in bed with her for two and a half hours.

She also wakes in the night screaming and thrashing even when I’m in bed with her and it’s been known for her to cry and thrash violently for over an hour and she is utterly inconsolable during this time. Myself and my partner sleep in different rooms as a result.

I have tried explaining why I need to leave the room before she falls asleep so I’m not just disappearing. I have tried reward charts, bribery, positive reinforcement for other good behaviours, sitting next to the bed, sitting outside the bedroom, crying it out (when she was around 9 months), altering her diet and eating windows. She doesn’t nap at all so it’s not that either.

I would really like to hear some advice or experiences from anyone who has a similar child or can objectively offer a view on what I could do that I haven’t thought of.

My mental health is really suffering now.

Does she have night terrors?

Yes, frequent night terrors which started age 3

@orangetriangle the thing with melatonin is it's not a medication in the same way that other sleep medication is. Melatonin is a natural hormone that most of us have enough of and therefore we get tired and sleep easily enough. For many ND children, they just don't produce enough melatonin themselves so no matter how hard they try they just can't sleep like you or I. Giving them melatonin doesn't knock them out but it does give them the same amount of hormone that the rest of us have naturally.

It's a bit like a diabetic needs insulin because their body doesn't produce enough of its own.

So tell her off. Mine knows if they push their luck, I turn the hallway light off! They have have only their nightlights on.

Night terrors on the other hand are normal. She'll grow out of it x

I would also go away with the baby fur several nights. And ask husband not to tell you if / when it's bad.

I have a different experience to you with my dd, but there is just no way I could have kept up what you have done to age 5. I wouldn't have been able to work, function etc.

You poor thing.

Are you sure she's not having night terrors. It sounds exactly like my DS and they tend to happen a couple of hours after they go to sleep. They thrash around and scream and are completely unconsolable. My DS does not respond to our questions and do not remember it the next morning. The NHS recommend you do not intervene as they do not recognise you so if you try and intervene the night terror lasts longer. When we hear DS screaming we go into his room and sit next to his bed but don't talk to him or touch it. We just sit there to ensure he doesn't hurt himself. We find after 10 minutes or so he will fall back into a deep sleep.

My (at the time) 2.5 year old was the same and we used a gentle sleep consultant and the improvement was immediate. It was around £400 but the best investment.

I used to sit with her for hours whilst she went to sleep and then have to bed share. The crux was getting her comfortable in her own room falling to sleep on her own. I stayed in the room but kept walking away from her bed for a few nights and then started leaving the room and coming back. May sound impossible but this started with me having to have my hand on her to fall asleep and the results were quick when we started doing the things the consultant suggested.

yep my niece has to have your hand on her cheek before she eventually will go to sleep