Is it normal to be counting down the hours until bedtime (as a parent)

[Rvah99877]

I have a 2 and 4 year old who I love more than anything and I really enjoy spending time with them one on one but together I find it awful and totally draining. I just want to hear from other people to find out what’s normal …I don’t know if it’s a problem with me or a problem with them (in terms of behaviour issue or them being unhappy)…or just normal!

From the moment I open my eyes I feel like the whinging begins (4 year old). I want x for breakfast. Ok hang on let me wake up a minute. Scream and tantrum within 2 mins of opening my eyes. Then this happens a million times per day. I never shout at her, I think I’m generally very patient and try to be empathetic and explain things to her etc but lately I feel pushed to my limit and just want to lock myself in a room.

2 year old screams when getting dressed, changing nappy, in car seat etc and I worry will have adhd as she doesn’t sit still for a second all day long. She never seems tired she goes from bouncing around on the bed to passing out in seconds at bedtime…no wind down. She’s actually pretty happy and good natured when not getting dressed eyc but physically exhausting as she doesn’t stop and she’s into everything.

me and husband try to divide and conquer at the weekend and so we get one on one time with each. During this time I find parenting enjoyable and easy with two constantly demanding things from me I feel overwhelmed and like I’m always not doing a good enough job. They do play well together but both act extremely clingy and demanding when I’m around. When husband has them both they don’t act like that just when I’m there. He always says ‘they’ve been fine with me’ as someone starts screaming and tantruming within 5 mins of me entering the room.

i feel like I put so much effort in, fresh air and exercise every day, I play with them all day, I cosleep…and 4 year old just seems miserable and complains all day long.

is this normal? I want to enjoy my time with them..and I do separately I just don’t know why I haven’t adjusted to two by now

I have a 6yo and 8yo and still counting down the hours especially during the holidays. You are not alone!

You need to be direct with them... I am having a break to drink my coffee HOT... I used to use sand timers and say once sand through my break is over.

Oh god. I am pregnant with second and this thread has terrified me! I was hoping they’d play with each other

Yes, definitely normal. Mine are older and still can’t wait to get them to bed some nights!

God I this age was relentless. It's ok to say enough to them and let them know that they have to wait. Even if that upsets them. Mine used to have a star light on a timer that they were absolutely not allowed to leave their beds before it went on.
I had three under 5 and was very strict about bedtime and mornings as this stopped me from being insane

If you can play guitar with them in the room you aren't doing too badly! If I try that they just want to join in...
Yes 2 is tricky but I found 2.5 was a watershed and suddenly a lot of the whining and destruction stopped, we had a period of physical violence between the two of them as well but that has also now mostly stopped and they play together for hours. Hoping it's not just a phase!

Completely normal IMO. I only have 1 and most days I’m counting down the minutes!! Especially over Xmas when there is no structure wirh no school/childcare, just lots of sitting around the house. Especially this year as it’s been so wet so hard to get outside much. Mine has far too much TV time cos it’s the one thing she will do without constantly needing input. I love doing Lego with her or a board game, but find playing playmobil/sylvanians/role play so tedious. And the mess!!!!!!!!!

They are fucking annoying little shits beyond hard work at this age.
It will pass. No one will remember much about it anyway.
Endure and self medicate. Totally normal.

That age gap at that age is a bloody nightmare. Mine were that age in the first lockdown and I’m positive I have some sort of PTSD from it

Being outside as much as poss always helped me, and finding those activities that suit both. Just before lockdown, I was going to some stay and plays where the 4 year old could sort of roam free and I could pay a bit more attention to the two year old - or vice versa - but it was contained and there were other adults around

I've got a 6 and 8 year old and that's how I've felt every day since Boxing Day. My youngest needs the stimulation of school and sports clubs. I've done my best taking them out for days out, soft play, ice skating, interactive museums etc but by the afternoon they're constantly winding each other up.

As awful as this might sound I'm glad I'm back to work tomorrow, purely because they're at a sports camp until 3pm so I know they'll come home happy but tired. It's only for 2 days but I genuinely think they need the stimulation for more than the hour or so of activities I can take them to myself.

Normal.
Get a nanny to spend some hours with them at the playground or local zoo in the weekends and go for a coffee or a nap.

Completely normal! I have never met a parent that isn’t relieved once their child is in bed!

I found it incredibly difficult having kids those ages - especially as I spent most weekends parenting solo while my (now ex) husband worked. I came to the conclusion I wasn’t really cut out for mothering (marital tensions didn’t really help).

My girls are now 11 and 9 and while they still have their moments we have a really nice time together and enjoy each other’s company.

Hang in there!!

Normal. You might be able to shift your 4 year old’s whinging though with a little recap before bed. Every night everyone says what they liked best about the day. It might be a big thing like ‘today I learned to ride a bike,’ or a small thing like seeing dewdrops on spider webs. Over time, with my lot, it meant that we noticed the good stuff and the whinging decreased. They’re nearly all adults now but I still do it with my learning disabled 18 year old. It ends the day on a positive note.

I'm glad it's not just me!

4 is a brutal age IMO, so unbelievably demanding.

Mine is now 5 (plus we have a1yo) and tbh I'm relieved school is back on soon although I feel very guilty for admitting that!

Totally normal… and mine are 8 and 6. The demands, the whinging, the fighting, the crying, the not listening, the doing things they are not supposed to do…

The 16yo and 13yo get on fine but the 6yo and 8yo fight a lot. It's exhausting.

@DobbyRuth ill stil say despite it being hard I wouldn’t change it! They do get on very well (I think all the jealous behaviour is directed at me rather than each other!). Now when my eldest is at nursery my youngest misses her and asks where she is all day. I think it would be a different kind of hard work entertaining 1 all day with no playmate especially as they get older so don’t be too scared!

@Velvetbee i really like this idea. I tried to do something similar with my eldest with a positivity journal for kids and she liked it at first but then got bored…if it’s just a question asked though it might be easier to keep it going.

Totally!
My 3yr old went back to nursery today and my 6yr old goes back to school tomoz, hurrah!!

Perfectly normal especially those early years which can be really intense and draining. Love my DC to bits, but sometimes I loved them best when hey were finally sleeping. All my friends with children have felt this way for sometimes very long periods of time. Mine are all primary school age now and I don't feel that way much anymore.

Yes. Especially in a wet winter and at those ages.

Yep and it was only ever 9.30am!

Tough ages and awful weather - absolutely. It will get better with age - sometimes I am really sad when it's DD's bedtime (she's 6).