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AIBU?

How long to get over a divorce?

3 replies

Mspeace · 01/01/2024 18:53

I divorced my abusive husband just over two years ago. It was a very bitter divorce involving courts and big solicitor bills.
Although I know I did the right thing for me and dd, I just can’t seem to move on!
I’ve just sent dd off to him for the week and I feel so sad and empty.
I look at friends and family with their “perfect” family set ups and feel jealous. This is not how I wanted life to be!
I don’t want to feel this way! How long realistically does it take to get over stuff like this? The thought of starting another relationship fills me with dread! And I’ve come to realise that I really, really miss him! Even though he was extremely abusive and has behaved in the most abhorrent ways! What is wrong with me!!!!

OP posts:
KTheGrey · 01/01/2024 19:00

Perhaps the whole experience was so traumatic you still can't deal with it. New friendships / relationships / workplace would be handy to distract you and build something new.

Æthelfled · 01/01/2024 19:01

I was over it before I even left. I think 2 years post divorce you'd be probably best getting some therapy to explore what about it has left you feeling like this. Or actually are your feelings related to something else entirely and now you're out of a chaotic marriage the real issues can't be masked so are making their presence felt?. Therapy is the answer.

Teenagersscarethelivinshitoutofme · 01/01/2024 19:07

Years. I got over him quickly, but not his behaviour or the things that had happened. It's a bit like a bereavement for me - I don't think about it everyday, but I do think about it and things happen that bring it rushing back. It doesn't hurt as much now but some of the things he did will never be forgotten no matter how much therapy I've had. It's been much easier since DD got to an age where I haven't needed contact with him. We separated nearly 15 years ago and subsequently divorced a couple of years later.

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