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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To have left the restaurant early?

29 replies

cadburyegg · 01/01/2024 16:45

Went out for a meal with some family members today including my 2 dc age 5 and 8. They were well behaved but the restaurant was obviously busy, and after nearly 2 hours the dc were getting fed up of having to wait for the plates to be cleared etc. ds2 kept complaining of a sore tummy, ds1 wanted a dessert but there wasn't anything he liked on the menu. The adults had all finished their main course. My aunt suggested getting an ice cream from the ice cream shop (coastal town) I agreed. I said to my mum we would go and do that and she got annoyed, asking if I was coming back (she got a lift with us). I said yes, just call me and we'll come back. I paid for our food.

Got ds2 an ice cream, ds1 feeling better after walk and toilet trip. 45 minutes later mum calls and I say we'll meet by the car. She then gives me a real telling off saying how it was rude and disgraceful that I just left without explaining where I was going and not waiting for everyone else. Apparently my aunt and uncle were appalled because we left, which I don't understand because my aunt was the one who suggested going to get ice creams. We are back at the house and I explained to my aunt and mum that the kids were fed up, and said sorry for leaving early, but they are obviously still annoyed. I don't get it, because my dc were getting bored and I didn't want them to get antsy. I feel really upset, I thought I had done the right thing by getting them out the restaurant so everyone else could finishing enjoying their meal!

WIBU?

OP posts:
LittleMG · 01/01/2024 16:47

YANBU they sound really up tight. I think you did the right thing.

Deadhead2024 · 01/01/2024 16:49

Fucking hell some people have too much time to think about what other people do! It’s so awful when people don’t do what you think is “right”

Fuck em, they need to get another hobby

FionnulaTheCooler · 01/01/2024 16:50

Sounds like a no win situation. I'm sure they would have been just as unhappy to have to sit and listen to your kids whinge about being bored for another 45 minutes. I would have done the same as you did, as long as you left your share of the bill (which you did) I see no issue with you taking them for a walk as a distraction technique.

Santaisscouringindeedfornewjob · 01/01/2024 16:50

Why did you have to wait to plates cleared to leave? Maybe relative meant get ice cream when you all left? We have family meals out with dc and all leave together..

disappearingfish · 01/01/2024 16:52

YANBU, sounds like you did the right thing by taking your kids out before they became disruptive.

Doggymummar · 01/01/2024 16:53

Yeah, I think you misunderstood and everyone would have gone to ice-cream parlour together

Abouttimemum · 01/01/2024 16:54

You did the right thing. My DS starts getting agitated after half an hour so I think they did well for two hours!

BrimfulOfMash · 01/01/2024 16:58

YANBU at all.

ANightmareBeforeChristmas · 01/01/2024 16:59

Did your aunt mean for all of you to go for ice cream?

Bournetilly · 01/01/2024 17:00

I think your aunt meant for everyone to go for ice cream but YANBU you told your mum where you were going so they could of caught up with you

DuchessPotato · 01/01/2024 17:04

I would have done the exact same thing. Although my family would never get annoyed to be fair.

InTheRainOnATrain · 01/01/2024 17:04

Sounds like a classic misunderstanding- your aunt meant go to the ice cream parlour all together afterwards, you thought she was giving you the ok to go right then. I’m totally with you that the kids had done well to manage 2 hours in a restaurant and it’s best to leave before they get antsy. Maybe it could have been handled better though so instead of you telling your mum you were coming back, you could have said to everyone that the kids were starting to get tetchy so that’s why you’re going, say goodbye properly, and tell them not to rush and take their time. Your aunt also could have explained herself better. And ridiculous they’re still annoyed over a basic misunderstanding when you’ve said sorry. Don’t beat yourself up about it, they’re the ones going out of their way to put a downer on what was otherwise a nice family meal.

cadburyegg · 01/01/2024 17:05

Oh I see what you mean. I thought she meant just us because the rest of them were waiting to order desserts off the menu

OP posts:
cadburyegg · 01/01/2024 17:08

InTheRainOnATrain · 01/01/2024 17:04

Sounds like a classic misunderstanding- your aunt meant go to the ice cream parlour all together afterwards, you thought she was giving you the ok to go right then. I’m totally with you that the kids had done well to manage 2 hours in a restaurant and it’s best to leave before they get antsy. Maybe it could have been handled better though so instead of you telling your mum you were coming back, you could have said to everyone that the kids were starting to get tetchy so that’s why you’re going, say goodbye properly, and tell them not to rush and take their time. Your aunt also could have explained herself better. And ridiculous they’re still annoyed over a basic misunderstanding when you’ve said sorry. Don’t beat yourself up about it, they’re the ones going out of their way to put a downer on what was otherwise a nice family meal.

That makes sense, thanks. Yes I could have handled it better but the kids were whining and them and mum were bombarding me with questions that I forgot who I'd spoken to

OP posts:
randomstress · 01/01/2024 17:11

I think you handled it very well OP.
Your dc had done a good job staying that long at the restaurant and a stretch of legs seems a very sensible option at that point.
I think sometimes it is easy to forget what dc's limits are.

Mazuslongtoenail · 01/01/2024 17:11

This is just standard child management. Accepting when it’s getting too much and removing them so everyone else can enjoy themselves.

As pp said, some people have far too much time and energy on their hands if they can get worked up about this.

TodayForTomorrow · 01/01/2024 17:13

My kids are of a similar age and I think I'd have been on pins in that situation making sure my kids weren't restless. Two hours is a big ask and another 45 minutes on top was asking for trouble.

I think I'd have done what you did but I also get that you may have missed a comment in the effort to get out of there.

InTheRainOnATrain · 01/01/2024 17:16

cadburyegg · 01/01/2024 17:08

That makes sense, thanks. Yes I could have handled it better but the kids were whining and them and mum were bombarding me with questions that I forgot who I'd spoken to

Totally get it. No one is perfect, misunderstandings happen and it sounds like they’ve long forgotten the stress that is keeping small kids entertained during long restaurant meals. What’s ridiculous is that they’re STILL annoyed about it.

Olika · 01/01/2024 17:18

I think your mum and aunt must be bored if they are still annoyed.

Deadringer · 01/01/2024 17:19

What a fuss about nothing. Your dc had had enough and you removed them, it was the right thing to do imo.

LadySpratt · 01/01/2024 19:10

A simple misunderstanding, and you did the right thing.
If the other adults wanted something off the dessert menu, it would have been rather cruel to the children to expect them to watch them eat and wait for ice cream later.

sprigatito · 01/01/2024 19:15

I would have told your mother to wind her neck in. You're an adult with your own children, she doesn't get to "tell you off". I wouldn't have apologised to the aunt or engaged with any arsiness either. You made a decision that was right for your children, and that's that. Maybe make 2024 the year you change this dynamic and stop accepting controlling behaviour from your relatives!

SleepingStandingUp · 01/01/2024 19:26

Did you just get up and walk away from the table with the kids without even saying goodbye? Tbh you do sound rude.

Oh yes Aunty, shall we all go or are you guys wanting dessert from here?
Oh yes Aunty, I'll do that. Come on kids, we'll see you all once you've finished dessert here.

Rather than
Oh yes Aunty.
And then just walking out?

CaineRaine · 01/01/2024 19:32

Sorry I think you were a bit rude to leave, your kids aren’t toddlers and at 5 and 8 (assuming no additional needs) should be able to chat to others, play on a phone etc while the meal wraps up. Their reaction is OTT though, it’s not the end of the world!

LordSnot · 01/01/2024 19:35

It was rude and strange to sneak off without telling everybody.