To want to go NC with in laws

[Iwannabelessfat]

BIL was recently arrested for DV against his wife, she dropped the charges but he admitted to DH and other family that he did it. He recently fell out with DH and threatened to ‘smash his head in’ and has also threatened violence against a number of others in the family.

AIBU on feeling that I don’t want him to see my DC? I don’t want someone like that around them, but my DH isn’t prepared to go NC completely. How do I manage this?

Your DH is free to chum up with the violent piece of shit but not at your home and not with you or DC present.

No I wouldn't let my kids be around him. Just don't socialise with him.

Just let your husband socialise with him away from your home

Dh can visit, the kids cannot. Simple. Don’t back down . Explain to dh that you do not want people like this in your children’s lives, as he is clearly violent and erratic. Your dh will end up on the sharp side of this eventually.

@Iwannabelessfat your dh is an arse if he thinks this is acceptable!! domestic violence, threatening behaviour to other family member? what next, Murder????

I drew a line with my BIL who was similar. My in laws in general aren’t great (understatement) and we’ve now gone NC with most, but before then with BIL I said I didn’t mind him being here briefly (dropping off his kids for example) or if we had a family BBQ outside, but that I didn’t want our children having any proper contact with him as I don’t want them thinking his beliefs or behaviour are normal. My husband initially thought he was trying to change but since he realised he wasn’t, it’s NC entirely, and unfortunately with his partner too as she is standing by him despite a lot of DV, violence toward the children and violence toward another woman he was seeing behind her back…I miss my nephews but we don’t want it around our children so won’t see them until she either leaves him or they are old enough to meet up with us on their own.

@Haveyouanyjam I feel exactly the same as you.

I’ve told DH he’s not welcome in the house, we don’t see him that often but I won’t be going to any family occasions when he is there. DH has said I can’t stop the DC seeing him (not that it’s often) but I don’t want them to have anything to do with him. Aside from the violence he is not a nice person and is an alcoholic. DH says you can’t cut family off but as I said, it’s not our fault and it’s of his own doing.