To ask how you would react

[way2serious]

Have been poorly for the last 10 days and still feeling crap. First Christmas without my mum as well. So basically not a great festive season but I have tried not to make it too miserable for everyone else. DP hasn’t once referred to my mum. He was also ill for a couple of days but fully recovered now whilst I have been worse the last couple of days. We were due to go to an NYE party tonight but it was clear I wasn’t going to make it so he asked if I would mind if he went for a couple of hours. I said of course not and it was implied he would be back to see the new year in with me. That was at 7pm. Not heard from him since. Saw the new year in with darling dog and have now come up to bed. AIBU to be hurt and angry. It does have slight for similar behaviour on one previous occasion.

I think a lot of people will say you're unreasonable, it's a NYE party, would do you expect etc etc.

But I would be hurt, in your shoes. I think I'd be hurt that he chose to go out rather than be with me at all, but to imply that he'd be back to see the New Year in with you and then not do that is almost worse.

Yes it’s that he’s chosen not to be with me and not to even send a happy new year message or come home an hour later

Did he at least text or call to say he wouldn’t be home for midnight?

I’d be tempted to just lock the door

Somewhat thoughtless of him. Hope he makes it up to you tomorrow.

He might have just assumed you'd be going to bed early if you're unwell. It sounds like it was left a bit vague. I can understand feeling a little hurt, but I suspect it's a case of being thoughtless and getting caught up in the fun. If you wanted him home to be with you at midnight you probably needed to spell it out. Sorry about your mum, it always sucks, but special occasions make it worse.

You said it was implied, that leaves it open for interpretation, especially with men in my experience!! If I was ill enough not to go to a party, I would have just gone to bed early and let DH have fun at the party.

Thanks. Am
happy to accept I may be overacting thanks to feeling so crap at the moment. So good to hear other perspectives

it really isn’t necessary to see the new year in? If you are ill, why wouldn’t you just go to sleep.

I too would have assumed you were going to bed early, so would have stayed at the party. I know with DP I have to spell everything out too. However, it wouldn't have hurt him to text you before 9ish just to check on you, given that you're unwell.

I just like to be left alone when I’m ill
I’d be pushing OH out the door

and it would stress me that I’d spoilt there evening by making them stay in or come back early