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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To get anxiety about WhatsApp groups.

29 replies

2024NewStart · 31/12/2023 20:57

Why do I feel this way? In terms of WhatsApp groups for my kids classes there’s one group in particular I feel very anxious about whenever I post anything, I just find them rude and feel uncomfortable everytime I post. How to get over this anxiety. I thought this time I would stay quiet and not respond on a question asked but then I feel incredibly rude if I don’t but then feel a kind of sense of embarrassment when no one responds to my post which I make in response to something asked/ queried about by another member!

OP posts:
KarenNotAKaren · 31/12/2023 20:58

Just leave the group. If it’s causing anxiety it’s not worth it

SundayFundayz · 31/12/2023 20:59

I found peace in the “archive” function. That way I can dip in when I feel ready & have time, rather than feeling anxious that I’ve not replied to stuff. It’s a joy!

tttigress · 31/12/2023 21:07

I would only be in these groups if you need to because they might have info that you need.

Assuming you need to be in the group keep on mute most of the time and occasionally review.

Only interact when necessary.

Most people say they hate WhatsApp groups when in 1 to 1 conversations (or at least my friends do)

bakewellbride · 31/12/2023 21:13

I was in a WhatsApp group of about 30 people from a baby group I went to. Started out lovely but it got quite heated at times. Some bitchy comments and really u pleasant people including a woman who liked to brag about how well off she was which I found to be in poor taste as I knew a couple of the other group members were in really tricky financial situations. Lots of unhelpful baby advice and people pushing contentious issues like controlled crying as The Right Way.

I left months ago and it's been brilliant! Do the same op. You don't need to be in it. There is one for my eldest's class (he's in year 1) and I honestly haven't even bothered joining in the first place. It not essential- the school tells me about important stuff.

Leave now!

MegaMeg2710 · 31/12/2023 21:16

The ‘Mute’ function is my best friend!

SaturdayGiraffe · 31/12/2023 21:24

Same. No advice, it’s yet another aspect of life seemingly designed to drain my will.

skippy67 · 31/12/2023 21:26

Mute or archive.

ThequalityoftheReps · 31/12/2023 21:27

SundayFundayz · 31/12/2023 20:59

I found peace in the “archive” function. That way I can dip in when I feel ready & have time, rather than feeling anxious that I’ve not replied to stuff. It’s a joy!

Oooh does this stop the group re appearing when someone posts ?

ThequalityoftheReps · 31/12/2023 21:30

MegaMeg2710 · 31/12/2023 21:16

The ‘Mute’ function is my best friend!

I have all my chats muted. Only unmute if I meeting someone and their message is time sensitive.

Life is better without notifications

SundayFundayz · 31/12/2023 21:34

@ThequalityoftheReps that’s right, it sits in an archive section which you don’t see unless you click on it

ThequalityoftheReps · 31/12/2023 21:36

SundayFundayz · 31/12/2023 21:34

@ThequalityoftheReps that’s right, it sits in an archive section which you don’t see unless you click on it

Oooh thanks. Will go and archive all those awful chats that I don't want to look at but don't want to leave

brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr · 31/12/2023 21:37

Just don’t be in them. I just leave, I mean I didn’t ask to be added.

Tobenot4 · 31/12/2023 21:39

I'm in a few which are fine, but I'm considering leaving one as I feel uncomfortable and awkward in it, but haven't been able to pluck up the courage to leave yet. I hardly ever post in it either.

UsingChangeofName · 31/12/2023 21:52

If it is just for 'chatter', then leave it.

If it is to give you information (training called off / venue of match / meeting time) then mute notifications and just look at it when you need the info.

Or even suggest the people who need to post information start a separate 'information giving only' group.

enchantedsquirrelwood · 31/12/2023 22:23

ThequalityoftheReps · 31/12/2023 21:27

Oooh does this stop the group re appearing when someone posts ?

Show quote history

Sadly not, it sits at the top with a number which tells you how many posts there are. Why Whatsapp won't put it at the bottom of your chat list so you never see it, goodness knows.

I know you can leave a group you don't really want to be a member of, but it's not always practical.

immogens · 31/12/2023 22:31

I would just archive it.

I'm in one group (archived) when people dare not leave because they know people are gossiped about when they do. Though you also find you get invitations to offshoot groups just to do that. It's all very toxic.

Createaplant · 31/12/2023 22:32

I dislike when I am added to groups without people asking me beforehand. I generally make my apologies and leave. Life is easier without that stress!

Loopyloulou92 · 31/12/2023 22:35

I feel ya! Hate group chats. The notifications. The different ways people text (with kisses, without kisses, blunt responses etc). I mute ones I cba with and catch up when I’m chill. Or if you didn’t want to see how many posts are in the chat when it’s muted, achieve it so it doesn’t show up in the chat list.

brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr · 31/12/2023 22:35

Would love to know why leaving requires courage - you just click leave and it’s gone.

Marellaspirit · 31/12/2023 22:37

In my last job we were all added to a Whats App group by the manager. I used to get real anxiety over the messages as my manager was not a nice person. If you didn't respond she would call you out as she could see who had read the message. Messages would come at all times of the day or night, weekends, days off, annual leave etc. She'd even send lengthy voice notes. Couldn't leave as it was the way they passed on important info about work/training.

ChocolateTVandbaby · 31/12/2023 23:04

Whatsapp groups give me anxiety. I wouldn't say I hate them. I like the idea of them but I do often feel like I post things and they are ignored (I think others feel like this too and it is often more about timing) and I am careful what I say as I think they can be bitchy.

I would just mute or archive if you cant leave and only post if you have to.

niclw · 31/12/2023 23:06

I really dislike WhatsApp groups. I joined the class what's app group for my dc's class but I get stressed when I glance at my phone during the work day and see that there have been 30+ messages in the first two hours of the work day. I've got the group muted by the red notification dot is enough to create stress. I also refused to join any of the pointless social group for my workplace. There are about 6 possible groups to join and I couldn't care less about joining any of them.

Hopefulfor2024 · 01/01/2024 08:02

I dislike them also, the fawning over certain posts/photos "well done", "beautiful", and others who say nothing (like me)! Think I'm going to make exiting groups my NY resolution.

Shoppingfiend · 01/01/2024 08:48

How much support do people need in life - all the hearts, thinking of yous. Love this that and the other. I came off FB cos of this making me feel anxious that I wasn't enthusing or flattering enough - now on whatsapp - initially to pass on ifno now it's going the same way. How many ways can you say Happy 2024?????

Heatherjayne1972 · 01/01/2024 09:16

You can set it up so that you can’t be added to groups without asking you first - my irritation was being added on to numerous groups whether I liked it or not
-problem solved

also the mute feature and the archive feature are a game changer