What’s your view of 50-50?

[WhatAreMySettings]

I’ve seen on social media, there’s been a push back against 50-50 relationships. As in relationships where the man and woman share living costs.
The reasoning is that women carry most of the emotional load in a relationship, do most housework, do most of the childcare, all this on top of going to work etc.
So, the conclusion is that relationships between men and women can never truly be 50-50, as the woman ends up doing most of the work it takes to keep a relationship going, so she should not also have to contribute financially too.

Is it realistic to have a relationship where the woman works, but the man pays for everything (rent/mortgage, bills, holidays, childcare etc)?

Interested because I’ve been thinking about relationships (as I’m not currently in one) and wondering what my ideal relationship would look like.
I think if a man was going to take care of everything financially, he would need to be making at least £150,000-£200,000 per year for this to work - but would he be happy to?

Well isn't it more usual to split expenses along the lines of who earns what? So if you both earn the same, 50/50. If one of you earns £25k and the other £50k, 1/3 and 2/3 of bills. This all changes with the arrival of children.

It's a bit sweeping to say that all women do so much in a relationship that all their partners should fully support them. I do know someone where that was the deal but actually he was intolerable even to his wife so they separated. Maybe consider a more generous kind of man who would contribute emotionally and socially to.the household.

I think aiming for a relationship where all the emotional and mental load isn't just left to you is the way to go.

Financially, once you're a family, all money goes into one pot, expenses are paid and anything leftover is divided between you.

My husband pays for everything (mortgage, bills, shopping, insurances, car tax etc). and he doesn’t earn 100k 😂

I do work but only part time and keep all I earn.

I do everything at home though and all child related stuff. Works for us.

This is just old-fashioned sexist crap rebadged for a new audience.

The aim is to pool your resources - money, time, brain power - and work as a team.

women carry most of the emotional load in a relationship, do most housework, do most of the childcare

Equal free time, equal spare money.

No idea why anyone in a long term relationship puts up with eating toast while they eat lobster. Or having no free time while they golf and cycle.

DH and I both work full time. He earns more than me purely because of unequal pay (we have the same qualifications and years of experience in the same industry, I perform better!) All our money is just shared, we don't have any mine/yours. We discuss major purchases but assume we can both dip in the pot whenever we want to. I do carry more of the mental load but have become a kind of house manager and just allocate him jobs as it was the only way they'd get done. So I oversee the mental load but he'll be responsible for nephew 1-3's birthdays for example.

Personally when I say 50/50 it's in regard to everything except finance, finance should be who earns the most.

I think we need to stop having low standards of men and settling for those low standards.

I wouldn't be in a relationship with a man who expected me to do most of the housework and I certainly wouldn't marry him or have children with him.

DH and I both work FT and I'm the higher earner. We pay our fair share of bills such as mortgage, nursery fees etc but have separate accounts. What's left over is ours and ours alone.

I wouldn't be in a relationship with someone who expected joint accounts only either.

Completely agree with this. You are a team. Nobody should win or loose.

^^ this.

I work, I pay half, I own half, I do half of the household stuff.
I carry no one's mental load.
I'm equal.

Every relationship is different. 50/50 relationships work for some (and that means men doing 50% of house chores, childcare etc).
My own relationship involves DH earning more, working more and paying more bills. I however do everything domestically. I really do everything! So he doesn't have to worry about shopping, laundry, cooking, anything. Many people will find this incredibly old fashioned and unappealing but it works really well for us, because we're both doing what we want and what we enjoy. We both appreciate the contribution the other one makes.

Well, my ex led me to believe it was 50/50 & we split housework (ocd related, looking back), shopping etc. Until, I had our DD. Then it was a woman’s job to look after the baby (because ‘it comes naturally to the mum) & the woman should never get a lie in & should do all night feeds, even on the weekends.

Actually, I would be accepting of 60/40 or even a bit less but I expect team work & not to be viewed as justsomeone to meet their needs & look after the child.

Unfortunately, some men have only let this be shown once a child has been born.

Edited to add, I’d have been happy to do everything had I been a kept woman (which I didn’t want!) but given I worked too, I wanted more of an equal
partnership.

We just throw everything into the one pot and share it. We both work full time but DH earns a lot more than me. He does longer hours so I probably do more housework purely because I am here (for example I am home at lunchtime and will tidy, do bins etc and am a much earlier riser so will choose to iron in front of the TV before work etc) but we have no issues and no resentments between us.

The reasoning is that women carry most of the emotional load in a relationship, do most housework, do most of the childcare, all this on top of going to work etc.

50-50 works fine for me because I don't do more than half of this stuff. Emotional load is hard to quantify but it doesn't feel like I do any more. Housework and childcare I definitely don't.

We don’t do 50-50. I earn 3x DH’s salary so I contributed financially much more to household things, proportionate to salary, before we agreed to just pool all finances. I carry most of the emotional/practical load; I wish I didn’t have to but he just doesn’t have the organisational skills. Expecting a man to contribute more financially just because of his gender is antiquated garbage. We do have a cleaner but household chores and any childcare are split pretty much evenly. We both hate housework equally so noone’s getting out of it!

DH and I earn roughly the same, but I work part time. So I contribute 50% but also do more of the domestic stuff.
however, in reality our money is pooled, and DH has bigger earning potential, so in the end it will all even out…