AIBU to be disappointed?

[NightisdarkandfullofterrorsGOT]

Dh has decided he won’t come to nye party at my siblings house. So I’ll go with the kids. My parents will be there but he is anxious about meeting new people but now I feel bad about going out and leaving him, but my daughters and I went out shopping for new outfits for the party today and we’re all really looking forward to it. He didn’t say anything till this evening. But now I feel guilty and sad that we can’t socialise like a normal family on New Year’s Eve. I feel really flat and disappointed.

YANBU to be disappointed but it’s better you go and have fun just you and DD than try to force him along. More notice would have been nice

I cancelled my plans for this eve because I have a social limit that I have already exceeded over the last week,

Don’t feel flat - feel free! No need to worry if DH is having fun at a party where he might have been anxious , he’ll be happy tucked up at home enjoying some JOMO . Make the most of a night out with your lovely daughters . Get your new outfit on and look fabulous!

I used to worry about my DW missing out on the things I enjoy (bonfires in the rain with the kids , long runs/bike rides , hard, wet , games of rugby ) until she sat me down and told me how much she loved it when I took them all out so she could have a cuppa and watch friends in her pjs . We are all different, I say embrace it

Thank you everyone, I just really would like to have family / couples friends that we could do things with and socialise with. Dh has no interest in having any friends so it makes us as a family quite isolated. I’d love to have other families to socialise with and was really hoping tonight might get him to relax and try socialising a bit more.

Op maybe you could speak to your DH about increasing your families social circle in a way that he is more comfortable with. I think a NYE party is quite a hard pace for someone socially anxious and likely already having done lots of Socialising over the last week.

I hate parties but I manage better meeting up with others for walks, or small meet ups. Maybe ask your DH what would work best so you can come to some compromise and reach a mud ground where you both get a bit of what you need?

not everyone likes NYE parties. I wouldn’t emphasize high stakes ince a year evrnts if your real goal is to increase your social circle. Maybe lower stakes more frequent couples outings: cycling, walking, pub crawling, etc…

Does he feel 'bad', 'guilty' and 'sad' that he's letting you down on NYE?

That's bit different issue to jist not going to a party...

It’s rather rude of him to not turn up at this late stage.

This

NYE on top of Xmas is a lot. My daughter and I get overwhelmed by too much socialising. Embrace your DH for bringing the quiet side to life and be grateful he doesn't complain about you going out separately.

Maybe he really wanted to try and go but the social anxiety became too much the closer it got. It is disappointing for you but if he’s a good husband in most ways, don’t make him feel bad about it.

Sounds like my DH, he just hates socialising no anxiety involved just that he likes his own company. I just make sure me and DC go out when we want to and don’t miss out on anything we want to do. Sometimes he will come with us sometimes he won’t depends on occasion. So I totally understand what you are saying.

Its really not an issue to not be joined at the hip

Yes and if he picks up you feel disappointed itnwill make it harder for him to commit to anything else

Thanks everyone, will think about not putting pressure on and causing more anxiety and trying to keep socialising small.

Don’t make your life something you don’t want it to be because of him. There needs to be give and take and it’s good for us all to be a bit out of our comfort zone sometimes and make an effort for others. Otherwise he is likely to find socialising ever harder.

Me and my DH did different things for Hogmanay.

He went to the Pulp concert in Edinburgh (which I would have hated) and I went to a party at my parents house.

We have things together that we enjoy but also enjoy different things.

It's healthy.

WTF. No she shouldn’t feel grateful he doesn’t complain about her going out. How low is your bar?