Am I over reacting?

[Overstimulatedmom]

Cooked a roast dinner with all the trimmings and made desserts and brought drinks for this evening. Invited BIL when he found out I was cooking instead of ordering takeaway his whole vibe changed! I said to DH if he doesn’t want to come he doesn’t have to and he told this to BIL. BIL said no it’s fine I just thought we would have ordered a Chinese.

I said to DH when he got off the phone he obviously doesn’t want to come and I’m not making all this food if people don’t want to eat it. DH said I’m bipolar cause I got a bit upset but I’m not I just didn’t fancy doing loads of food when I know he doesn’t want to come and the fact that he would have only come round if we was ordering Chinese!!

20 minutes later he texts saying he’s not coming now as he wants a Chinese.

Did BIL know you might be cooking beforehand? Or did your husband give the impression it would be more of a takeaway night?

You're not over-reacting, your BIL is incredibly rude.

I'd be delighted at a home cooked roast with all the trimmings.😍

What had the discussion been around food beforehand?

Your BiL is rude

Your DH called you bipolar for being upset at his brother's rudeness?!! Have you got anyone else you can invite round to share your lovely dinner instead? If not I think I'd be having it by myself. DH can fuck off to his brother's for a Chinese and come back when he's learned some manners.

Did you discuss arrangements beforehand?

Your DH is a.prick isnt he. And if BIL is his brother,.well it's obviously a family thing.

They are both incredibly rude.

Wow how ungrateful is your BIL. Your DH doesn't sound much better tbh.

So if BIL isn’t coming, that means there is a portion of roast dinner that’s going spare…..send me your address and I’ll be over to devour it!

Couple of man children.

I mean, I would be very sad about being offered a roast when I thought a Chinese was the plan, but I'd pretend otherwise. They both sound like rude dickheads.

Oh god me too. A proper roast vs a Chinese no doubt delivered late and soggy cause they're so busy tonight 🤢🤢🤢

Both DH and BIL are rude. I would be reluctant to cook for someone who clearly doesn’t want to eat my food. It might not be personal, just he wanted a takeaway, however it’s strange as to me it’s the people you share a meal with rather than the food itself. I’ll come over for a toast dinner OP!

Well, I would have preferred your roast meal, but your BIL is entitled to prefer to have Chinese. Surely one person not being there is hardly going to leave you with masses of excess food?

We never discussed what we was having as BIL and DH were at work. So I went food shopping this afternoon

He an arsehole always has been! He’s someone how managed to get smuggle in our weekend away next month 🤢

You're BIL was rude but the last thing I'd want is yet another roast dinner.

It would have been better for him to say he will grab something to eat and the join you after dinner to see in the new year with a bottle of bubbly.

He handled it very rudely but, honestly, a full roast dinner would make me a bit sick after all the work christmas meals, christmas day, leftovers, etc.

Who makes a roast dinner for NYE, a week after the best roast of the year? Weird.

“He’s someone how managed to get smuggle in our weekend away next month 🤢”

Oh enough with the somehow managed.
Stop being so passive!
Either you’ve agreed or not. If you haven’t - make that clear. If you have - consider changing your mind.

You told him he didn’t have to come to the dinner tonight if he didn’t want to. Don’t say that if you don’t mean it. Hard to tell how rude he was, as it was your husband who spoke to him. If it was a fairly causal invitation and your husband gave him your message that it was fine not to come, then it’s not rude. Your husband’s a prick though.

It’s Sunday - lots of people do a roast every Sunday.

I think your brother in law was rude, but do you know that he would like a roast meal? Not everyone does. No matter how good a cook someone is, there is nothing in the world that I would like to eat less than a roast dinner, with the exception of chicken or Turkey, which I don't mind. I don't think I could eat roast beef and roast potatoes to save my life and would be so disappointed if I had been expecting a Chinese!

Well you're NOT invited so it doesn't matter that you don't want another roast dinner. Not everyone is the same as you.

We had a dreadful meal on Christmas Day (my father's partner insists on 'cooking' despite being useless - and I'm not allowed to take over so instead we suffer what for me is the worst meal of the year but smile politely and thank her for the effort). I would be DELIGHTED to have a decent roast and as soon as the OP sends me her address, I'll be on my way over. With a suitcase hopefully for leftovers. 😜

It's VERY rude to accept an invite and then later decline because the host isn't cooking what you fancy eating for that particular meal.

He must have got the idea of a Chinese somewhere - of it wasn’t DH, have you done that in previous years?

Some people don’t like a roast, and that’s ok. There’s also the possibility that he’s not keen on your cooking for some reason.

Or, he’s an arse.

impossible for us to know.

Well obviously I'm not invited 🤣🤣

But this is a chat forum so just giving me opinion....

Your DH called you bipolar?! Does he not realise how offensive that is?

How rude, it's like he's using your house as deliveroo! Oh, I don't fancy roast, I'll have Chinese.
It's a social invitation. Good job you didn't cook for him the ungrateful sod.
I bet your dinner is much better than an overpriced greasy Chinese.