To think my sister is incredibly selfish?

[ellie09]

For context, my sister is 25 yo and has two DC aged 4 and 7 months. Both kids have different dads and she's currently still with the father of DC2.

Father of DC1 is a drug addict who left shortly after the birth.

DS lives with the father of DS2 for the past year or so.

My DS was an absolute bum when she was younger. Didnt do well in GCSEs and left school to jump from various jobs, getting sacked etc. After she had DC1, she went on universal credit.

DC2 was apparently an accident, and she fell pregnant within 2 months of a new relationship. She decided whilst she was pregnant that she was going to do an access course at college to go to uni.

We were all proud of the fact she was wanting to finally better herself - until we heard the actual plans she had in mind.

We live in N.Ireland and she wants to do midwifery, and there is only one uni here that can accommodate her which always has limited places. We had said to her even if she doesnt get in, she can always apply for normal nursing, or apply the following year but she said no, that her next option is to go overseas.

We asked her how this would work. She seems to be under the impression that she will leave both DC at home with her partner (who works full time) and that she can fly back home "at the weekends".

I asked her how 1. She would be able to afford this and 2. Work placements etc would mean coming home every week is not viable 3. She would need a part time job to support herself also

She didnt answer.

She said how her DC also have my mum and myself to help out. How we can take kids "off her partner" at the weekends or some sleepovers whilst she was away. I reminded her that I also work 40 hours a week with an ASD child that is very full on, and my mum also works and cares for my stepdad who is currently in ill health.

She said we can help out with her flights etc "if we want her home".

Ive also concerns that DC1 is not her current partners own child.

AIBU to think that once you have young children, you need to be more considerate of your plans and not expect everyone else to bend over backwards for them?

I wanted to go to uni again also, but I knew it wasn't right for me and DS at this time.

Everyone moving there is not viable as her current partner works here, DC1 has school and living costs higher in mainland.

How likely is it that she would actually do this? If she still has a small baby and hasn’t even done the access course yet, you’re making a big deal out of something that has a good chance of never happening.

Any chance she's actually trying to run away from her life and responsibilities?

I think her best option is to get a job as a HCSW in a local hospital, see if she is suited to a life of shift work and interesting smells ? She will also be able to explore options of doing her training and getting paid to do it.

Not only would I not be "supportive", I would tell her exactly how immature and ridiculous she is. Don't pander to this nonsense for a second. Those poor kids.

I suppose it’s good she has come up with some sort of career plan but she needs to understand that you won’t be there to help with childcare.

So what if she says you're not being supportive? She's being ridiculous and entitled, and it sounds like she's very immature. Her opinions are not to be taken seriously.

She sounds deranged.

I think you just need to be clear that you aren’t going to fund her commute, nor or you going to childmind at weekends when you have enough on your plate. She has made very unrealistic assumptions.

I've told her what I thought. I told her fella he's a mug too if he lets her - her living the high life with her mates in Liverpool while he keeps the household afloat with two children, one that isnt even his!

Does she also get.involved in mlms?

Ask her how she's supported you in the past.