Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To protect newborn from sick relatives?

33 replies

Amigoingmad88 · 31/12/2023 10:13

I’m fuming.

We have DS4 and newborn, 3 weeks old.

Our plan was always to spend Christmas Day at the in laws, as my family live abroad. My dad is having some potentially serious health issues so couldn’t come over until resolved. This is also upsetting for me. I lost my mum when I was a teen, so don’t have that either.

I am drowning with 2 kids, nursery being closed, hormones etc.

SIL announces 3 days before Christmas that she has a cold but states I need to relax re newborn as it is just snot. I explain to MIL we won’t be there for Xmas day now as I really need to keep baby safe. We’ve already been in A&E with him once as he caught big bros illness. MIL said no problem. Also annoyed at being told to relax but I didn’t say anything.

From then on, SIL went completely silent on me. MIL and FIL barely a word to me since I said what I said. SIL hasn’t called for DS4 to wish a merry Xmas or anything. Nobody has asked if I’m ok, need anything etc. I’ve been getting more and more riled up as the days go by with no contact for DS4. They suddenly started calling DP instead to check in, which they did twice, but nothing to me.

Today DP says he’s received a text from SIL saying he should know that MIL is heartbroken we didn’t spend Xmas there and there are tonnes of presents for DS4, SIL still not recovered but happy to disappear so we can go there.

I’m even more furious. DP is now visibly upset that his mum is upset, and thinks I’m being OTT by refusing to go there now. I won’t go because SIL is still sick, and now parents might have whatever it is (covid?)

He thinks I’m making it about me and making it personal, but here’s the thing. Before baby, and all through my pregnancy, it was always me running DS4 to theirs weekly for visits, cooking Sunday dinners for all. I enjoyed it and wanted to. But now that I’m REALLY struggling as DS went back to work a few days post birth, I’m supposed to be considerate of the families feelings and ignore mine?

AIBU?

OP posts:
Sirzy · 31/12/2023 12:49

LangMayYerLumReek2024 · 31/12/2023 12:44

It as a cold 😳 I'm not surprised they are all upset.

A lot of colds are caused by the virus RSV. In most people it’s nothing, in a newborn it can be life threatening.

sleepyscientist · 31/12/2023 12:51

DS was four weeks old at Christmas 10 years ago. RSV, flu and countless other viruses still existed we didn't stay home only limit was D&V the memories of his 1st Christmas were more important than a snotty January. We have never shielded him away from anything since he was born despite being at risk of allergies etc he has none. In comparison DH and me were protected from everything and have multiple allergies.

I can understand why your SIL is upset it a virus little one could catch it at the shops.

Sirzy · 31/12/2023 13:22

sleepyscientist · 31/12/2023 12:51

DS was four weeks old at Christmas 10 years ago. RSV, flu and countless other viruses still existed we didn't stay home only limit was D&V the memories of his 1st Christmas were more important than a snotty January. We have never shielded him away from anything since he was born despite being at risk of allergies etc he has none. In comparison DH and me were protected from everything and have multiple allergies.

I can understand why your SIL is upset it a virus little one could catch it at the shops.

That’s great for you, ds was 6 weeks old at Christmas 14 years ago. I didn’t shield him from bugs, I hadn’t even heard of RSV. Until it nearly killed him and he spent 3 weeks in hospital.

avoiding people you know are ill is sensible and most people understand that.

RandomButtons · 31/12/2023 13:29

I’m currently on virus 4 of this autumn/winter and delayed seeing DS gorgeous newborn until I’m all better, because flip I’ve never been this ill.

You’ve done nothing wrong. Just message your in laws and invite them over in a week or two for a meal (of something v easy to make or take away) so they can see the kids. The relationship has always been good so be proactive in keeping it good. Ignore SIL drama. If MIL is hurt but a decent person she will soon get over it.

RandomButtons · 31/12/2023 13:31

sleepyscientist · 31/12/2023 12:51

DS was four weeks old at Christmas 10 years ago. RSV, flu and countless other viruses still existed we didn't stay home only limit was D&V the memories of his 1st Christmas were more important than a snotty January. We have never shielded him away from anything since he was born despite being at risk of allergies etc he has none. In comparison DH and me were protected from everything and have multiple allergies.

I can understand why your SIL is upset it a virus little one could catch it at the shops.

I never heard of RSV until 4 month old DS was on a ventilator fighting for his life with it. Caught off a family member with the common cold.

PickAChew · 31/12/2023 14:40

I think rsv is particularly rife, this year so you're doing the right thing.

Sounds like your DH is as much of a problem as his family, though. He needs to be backing you up and not making excuses.

RafaistheKingofClay · 31/12/2023 14:48

sleepyscientist · 31/12/2023 12:51

DS was four weeks old at Christmas 10 years ago. RSV, flu and countless other viruses still existed we didn't stay home only limit was D&V the memories of his 1st Christmas were more important than a snotty January. We have never shielded him away from anything since he was born despite being at risk of allergies etc he has none. In comparison DH and me were protected from everything and have multiple allergies.

I can understand why your SIL is upset it a virus little one could catch it at the shops.

It’s always been sensible recommended. advice to avoid respiratory infections with newborns. They can be really dangerous. Obviously if an older sibling brings it home from nursery there’s not much you can do but something like the OPs situation is avoidable.

GCAcademic · 31/12/2023 14:52

What decent person would want to risk giving their virus to a newborn baby, with the potential of it being a much more serious illness for the baby? I’d be terrified at the very thought of being responsible for making a newborn ill.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page