PIL and SIL

[PILdrama]

I'm not sure if I'm just being hormonal as I had a baby six weeks ago after a traumatic birth and currently have PIL and SIL staying with us for three weeks, which is obviously stressful.

DH and I have been together for eight years and have had a baby. It is the first grandchild. SIL is 40 and single and has told PIL in the past that she longs for a family.

Since arriving 10 days ago ago, PIL have remarked on numerous occasions on how the baby takes after SIL. The baby is not biologically related to SIL, so could not take after her in some of the ways they suggest. They only ever remark on baby smiling if the baby is smiling at SIL and also only mention baby being quiet etc. if it is with SIL. All of them will only hold the baby if it is sleeping and as soon as it makes a noise, DH and I have to take over. I have been referred to as "only the milk cow" by MIL during the time together and neither DH nor me have received compliments on how we're coping or any words about baby being like either of us.

It is clear this is because they don't want to upset SIL because she wants a family and they want to encourage that, but it is upsetting me as I feel they are ignoring DH and I. It has not been easy having a newborn and juggling entertaining PILs and all living together in a two bedroom house with lack of sleep etc.

IABU - this is just parents protecting their daughter.

IANBU - PILs shouldn't focus as much on SIL.

Good grief.

Give OP a break. Having been through a traumatic birth myself it takes a bit more time than a few weeks to get your head around things. Heck, even after one that isn’t traumatic, some need a bit of time.

Firstly, I don't think you're being unreasonable but I would probably just ignore the cooing over SIL. I'd have torn the MIL off a right strip if she'd called me a milk cow though!!!
Your biggest mistake though, was to allow them all to stay in your house for three weeks. Especially with a newborn and after a traumatic birth.
So what if they live a long way away? Why does that stop them from booking into a hotel or renting out an AirBandB or whatever?
Sod not wanting to upset any of them. Tell them straight!

Answers absolutely none of the questions asked!

If anything it should make her more protective of herself and her family unit instead of being a doormat to this shit.

If my husband was protective of SIL and saying nothing, he can take the door with them.

Would you allow this 10 days post birth? Didn’t think so…..

Visiting my own family or friends would have me packed and out by now op. You are too passive... Switch the heating off. Claim it's broken and they need to stay elsewhere tonight.

It sounds like they're protecting their daughter but also that they're fucking deranged.

It doesn't sound like they're helping so why on earth are they there? And for so long? When DD was born people were allowed to pop in but the first two weeks when DP was on pat leave was when we found out rhythm as parents so I didn't want that disturbed. Get them out!

Any one who called me a milk cow would have been ejected from my house immediately.

Why is your husband allowing this?

My relationship with my ils never recovered when I refused their SN dd access to my ds.. As in she wanted to push him round the streets in a buggy. She was 8. Don't worry about upsetting them op. Your feelings do actually count.. And your dh needs to step up.

You and DH need to stand up for yourself!!! Anyone refers to you as a milk cow again gets pulled up on it instantly and made to apologise. If they don't, they leave. Don't let people walk all over you.

Do you understand how trauma works and that it is different from person to person n how they react? Sounds like you don’t and just assume because you can do xyz others can. Not how it works.

I was on constant edge and on the verge of tears and my in-laws were nowhere near as bad and stayed for five days. DH did apologise to me because he hadn’t considered the logistics and that I had never been alone with them together ever so wasn’t comfortable around them especially while still in physical and emotional pain and establishing nursing. I finally cried when they left because I was left alone to process things and just be with baby.

They’ve obviously overstayed their welcome and yes they should go, but making it out as if OP should easily been able to turf them out because you can/would reads as if you’re blaming her.