Postnatal depression

[fcrm2223]

I had quite serious postnatal depression after the birth of my second child.
Some context - just moved to a new country, with a very young toddler in tow, partners work went to shit.

I had a lovely natural birth but struggled to bond with my baby. I even felt like i didn't want him a lot. I would say it took 4 weeks until I realised I loved him and began to feel something other than anxiety or desperation when I held him.

I couldn't breastfeed and baby has serious wind. Every time I look at baby I feel immense guilt that I wasn't there when he needed me at the beginning. I cry most days with guilt that he will never be so little again. I feel like if id breastfed him, he would have less stomach issues.

I also worry that our bond will never be as good as it is with my first (who I did breastfeed and bonded with immediately Hollywood style). I worry he will grow up thinking something is wrong with him, when actually there was something wrong with me.

Aibu?

Yes - had postnatal depression and bond with child is good now
No - it could affect baby long term.

I think sometimes it can just be depression that affects you. Doesn't have to be postnatal depression.

Your circumstances sound difficult.

Get help for the depression. Wish you well. Please don't feel guilty. Your child will be fine.

Aww OP how are you feeling now?

I know it’s hard but can you try and focus on all the things you did for him and reframe it?

It doesn’t matter if you breastfed or not, but I understand your guilt. I stopped breast feeding due to birth injuries and made the choice to choose formula so my child could thrive and I could recover quicker. He grew big and strong and was warm and so well fed!

You are keeping him safe and love isn’t always a Hollywood moment, love comes in the form or care, kindness and thoughtfulness, you are asking about this because you care for him.

You are not to blame for any of this and he won’t know how you felt in those earlier days. Women are so incredibly strong to give birth and raise a new born and it sounds like you did this in difficult circumstances, I think if you had a friend that told you they went through this you wouldn’t judge so don’t be so hard on yourself x