How are people happy without sleep?

[Al991]

I feel like there is something wrong with me. I am in the midst of the 4 month sleep regression (or whatever you want to call it) and have gone from getting just enough sleep - about 6 hours - to whet falls like none at all as I’m feeding every 2 hours.

When DD was a newborn I felt absolutely no joy whatsoever because of the lack of sleep and now that feeling has come straight back. I’m so tired that I just don’t care about anything. Nothing interests me and I don’t feel anything. I just want to sleep. I don’t want to go anywhere or do anything. I barely even have thoughts beyond fantasising about sleep.

I’m the past couple of months that I was getting more sleep I’ve had such a lovely time bonding with my baby, playing with her and enjoying my days with her. It’s been so magical and one felt really great. Now she’s stopped sleeping all I feel is numb.

I know people will mention PND - I did speak to my GP the first time round about this and I take an SSRI but the ‘depression’ went away as soon as I started to get more sleep and now it’s back now that I am exhausted again, so I don’t really believe it’s due to hormones or some kind of chemical imbalance - I feel like I’m too tired to feel joy, or anything at all.

AIBU feeling this way? Everyone else I know with a baby seems to cope better. Yea they are tired but they’re able to manage.

im sitting here in tears because my baby won’t be this little for long and I’m going to spend these precious months feeling so awful and wasting it knowing if I could just sleep i would be ok. How are people doing it?? What the hell is wrong with me?

No one is happy without sleep. It's essential and deprivation is a form of torture.

YANBU. I have a refluxy newborn and a 3 year old who still doesn’t sleep through the night. All I do is think about how I want some sleep, and how I miss my life before kids. I love my kids so much but it has destroyed me as a person because of the lack of sleep.

I don’t know what the solution is apart from time, but that’s in no way helpful hile we’re going through it. I’d say it’s also good to get out every day but this crap weather isn’t helping. This time of year doeen’t help either. Everyone else is having these lovely celebrations and we’re just trying to survive the day.

6 month old baby with croup here, we are taking it in turns to hold her all night and I’m thoroughly exhausted. It’s absolute torture.

I feel nauseous and have a headache from the stress of being awake for hours

It’s fucking shit, OP. You’re not abnormal, nobody can cope with it over time. You’re just unlucky that your baby is regressing so harshly. The other parents you know might not be dealing with the same severity, or theirs may have only lasted a week or so. When you’re in the thick of it no amount of ‘it gets better’ comments or well meaning words really help, you just want it to end. I get it.

How long has the regression been going on? Are you BFing? If so, could you express and ask your partner/a relative to cover a night so you can get a solid night at least? Amazing how restorative that can be.

The 4-5 month point with both my babies was the hardest time in my life, that feeling of being so desperate to sleep yet not being allowed to is literal torture. Honestly, my heart goes out to you. Do you have a partner or anybody to help in the daytime? The only thing that saved me during this time was my Mum coming down to watch the baby whilst I went to bed for an hour in the afternoon, that nap was so restorative! Every regression seemed to last weeks and before I knew it I was getting a little bit more sleep, but I was just so miserable in the day and lacked motivation to even play or interact with my baby. You're doing amazing, if it's any consolation, and you WILL sleep again. Sending love xxx

You need help from another person.

Dad needs to step up, frankly. Maybe that means he takes the baby in the morning and you sleep until lunch time, or you share nights.

I'd say that you need to give her some formula

We are holding her because if we don’t she coughs and gags or vomits up the phlegm….I totally get what you mean about enjoying bsby when not sleep deprived. This Christmas has been a shit show of heavy colds, croup, A and E. It’s just been crap. And yes I don’t know how others cope so easily. I find it so damn hard. I can only think lots of people leave them in the cot and just think well it’s bedtime so that’s that? 🤷‍♀️

With regard to sleep regression. If you’re breastfeeding a sidecar cot can help, I literally just roll over these days to nurse and even though I’m up quite a few times it doesn’t feel too bad. It’s just a few minutes then back to sleep

It’s so hard. My 6 month old has never slept great but since just before 4 months he wakes around 5 times per night, sometimes he’s up for 3 hours at a time.

I am hardy sleeping and feel the same as you as though im wasting my maternity leave being unhappy because im so tired. Also feel so bad for older DC.

Also other people might be coping better because they are getting more sleep. My DC1 slept so much better than DC2 and I wouldn’t say DC1 was a great sleeper either.

My friend had a baby at the same time as me and her baby was sleeping through from 6 weeks (still is). I would be able to cope so well if this was me.

You have my complete sympathy, OP. My 12.5 month old is currently going through a sleep regression and I am feeling extremely anxious, as it's reminding me of how low and hopeless I felt when she was little and her sleep was terrible. There is nothing wrong with you at all. You don't mention if you have a partner, but if you do, they need to be taking a sleep hit too so that you can catch up.