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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Over concerned neighbour

34 replies

Whatintheworldgirl · 30/12/2023 21:49

I live in flats. I can hear everything and I mean everything in my upstairs neighbours flat. Toilet flush, cough, morning sickness 3am vomits, the tv, their arguments, you name it I can hear it. She's aware of this and my assumption is she can hear my flat too so we kindve have a laugh about it in passing and then go about our day.

So as I mentioned previously, my neighbour has literally just had a baby. December 22nd. Throughout her pregnancy she had been smoking we*d and her and her partner have had huge intense fights, huge ones. Don't worry I have taken necessary precautions and contacted necessary people about certain things but I've come here to ask a really random question. If I can hear literally everything, why have I never heard her baby? From people with new borns, are their cries loud? If I can hear her throwing up, surely I'd hear her baby? I'm trying not to poke my nose where it doesn't belong (I am fully aware I'll probably get some people telling me I'm a noisy Parker and to get a life) but the mother has been going through a lot. Sometimes people need help and support, sometimes it's necessary to check in. To make sure everyone is safe but at the same time if anyone has had experience where their newborns are quiet and just snooze all the time then I don't want to cause distress to anyone because im clueless. I've attempted knocking with a 'welcome to the world gift' but no answer and I've text her to say congratulations, what's your little ones name and she read it but not replied. I'm just worried

OP posts:
Katemax82 · 30/12/2023 21:50

Maybe the baby was taken off her by social services?

HappyHamsters · 30/12/2023 21:51

Have you ever seen the baby

mollyfolk · 30/12/2023 21:52

I’ve had quiet enough babies and I never left them crying but I’d imagine you could here something. Have you seen her out with the baby?

Seadreamers · 30/12/2023 21:52

Could the baby still be in hospital? Have you noticed a newborn car seat in their car or them going out in the pram etc?

Newborns do cry, although some do sleep a lot, but you would have thought you’d hear the baby at least a couple of times if noise travels like you say.

Janeykat · 30/12/2023 21:52

Are they actually in the flat? Perhaps her baby had health issues and had to stay/go back to the hospital? My son had a loud cry as a newborn but not for long periods of time as he mostly stopped when picked up/fed

MerryBlueberry · 30/12/2023 21:53

If there have been issues previously, either something has happened or they’ve had the baby removed. Maybe the baby is in hospital still but a parent would usually be staying at this point. It’s not for you to work out/check the baby is there. Just phone the police and social services and explain you can hear them in great details but you are worried you had jet seen or heard a baby.

Bearbookagainandagain · 30/12/2023 21:53

Both of my babies were very quiet as newborns, barely cried, and I was recovering from a c-section I was stuck in bed near their cot when they were hungry. Others can be very loud of course, but I don't think you can base anything in that.
As they grow they get louder, and there is no chance you would miss my 6 months old now!

stonedaisy · 30/12/2023 21:53

This reply has been deleted

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Scirocco · 30/12/2023 21:54

There might not be a baby in the flat to hear.

The baby might be in hospital, or in care, or sadly might not be alive.

Neodymium · 30/12/2023 21:55

I’d say the baby was taken off her. She doesn’t know how to respond to your message.

Redglitter · 30/12/2023 21:56

I wouldn't take a gift unless you've actually seen the baby. If it's been taken into care, been adopted, still in hospital or worse the last thing she'll want is a baby present. The fact she hasn't replied with the baby's details could suggest everything's not straight forward

Betwixpotter · 30/12/2023 22:04

Could you pop round with a different purpose? To wish her a happy new year or ask for a cup of sugar?

Teaandtoast12 · 30/12/2023 22:06

Yeah I would agree if you try and knock for another purpose or try and catch her when she’s taking the bins out (if you can hear her)

Useruser1212 · 30/12/2023 22:08

Some babies don't really cry when they're very young. My DS was born a month early and didn't cry until he was 5 weeks, I was so worried that something was wrong with him and the doctors kept telling me that it's quite normal for premature babies because their lungs are a little weaker than full term. But once he was 5 weeks old his little cries came and I was so relieved. Do you know If her baby was born early?

Original poster
Whatintheworldgirl · 30/12/2023 22:17

Whatintheworldgirl · 30/12/2023 21:49

I live in flats. I can hear everything and I mean everything in my upstairs neighbours flat. Toilet flush, cough, morning sickness 3am vomits, the tv, their arguments, you name it I can hear it. She's aware of this and my assumption is she can hear my flat too so we kindve have a laugh about it in passing and then go about our day.

So as I mentioned previously, my neighbour has literally just had a baby. December 22nd. Throughout her pregnancy she had been smoking we*d and her and her partner have had huge intense fights, huge ones. Don't worry I have taken necessary precautions and contacted necessary people about certain things but I've come here to ask a really random question. If I can hear literally everything, why have I never heard her baby? From people with new borns, are their cries loud? If I can hear her throwing up, surely I'd hear her baby? I'm trying not to poke my nose where it doesn't belong (I am fully aware I'll probably get some people telling me I'm a noisy Parker and to get a life) but the mother has been going through a lot. Sometimes people need help and support, sometimes it's necessary to check in. To make sure everyone is safe but at the same time if anyone has had experience where their newborns are quiet and just snooze all the time then I don't want to cause distress to anyone because im clueless. I've attempted knocking with a 'welcome to the world gift' but no answer and I've text her to say congratulations, what's your little ones name and she read it but not replied. I'm just worried

Just as an edit, we are friends. Not just neighbours. We spent the entire of lockdown together. Ever since I moved in we had coffees together every morning and our kids played together. I babysat a lot. Things changed when she got her new partner understandably but she seemed a lot more reserved. I myself understand mental health so I let her know I was there but not overwhelming her. I even pumped up her birthing ball. She sent me photos the day of her girls birth and photos of her older daughter holding her in their flat but that's it. Not heard her or spoken to her at all. This is my meaning behind the post, do you think everything is okay? I care about her and I don't want to overwhelm her

OP posts:
LaughingCat · 30/12/2023 22:27

If you’re worried, then I second the PP suggestion of going round for another reason. One of my friends had a newborn that only stopped screaming for roughly twenty minutes every couple of hours. A lot of my friends/family, though, didn’t find their kids crying a huge amount until teething. Not hearing anything at all seems weird.

Frazzledmummy123 · 30/12/2023 22:29

I was going to say that my first thought was, perhaps something went wrong and to hold.off texting any congratulations or welcome gifts just in case, however I just read your most recent update.

Given you can hear almost everything from her flat, it sounds like the baby probably isn't living there as you'd surely be hearing it. I am guessing the baby is either back in hospital or been taken away, no matter what has happened, she doesnt seem to want to talk about it. Maybe send a quick text asking her if she is ok, and leave it at that. She knows you care and are there if needed, and the ball is in her court.

FixTheBone · 30/12/2023 22:43

If as you say, you are friends, as well as neighbours, what's wrong with just knocking on the door and asking?

'hi, not seen yiu for a while.... I know your due date has passed and was just worried I've not seen or heard yiu or the baby.... Just wanted to check yiu were OK....'

AnneValentine · 30/12/2023 22:57

based on your description I would suggest baby has died / seriously ill / been removed from their care.

AnneValentine · 30/12/2023 22:58

FixTheBone · 30/12/2023 22:43

If as you say, you are friends, as well as neighbours, what's wrong with just knocking on the door and asking?

'hi, not seen yiu for a while.... I know your due date has passed and was just worried I've not seen or heard yiu or the baby.... Just wanted to check yiu were OK....'

Nope. If the baby has died or other this would be awful. It reeks of nosey.

Londonscallingme · 30/12/2023 23:01

My newborn is very quiet but does scream when I change his nappy, particularly in the night.

Outandabout43 · 30/12/2023 23:02

You would hear a baby, and probably of seen it too, does she not go out??

Lostsoul123 · 30/12/2023 23:05

It does sound odd OP. I would second going round to see what's happening, especially if you were fairly close. I would go under the guise of asking if she needed anything as you were aware she was due etc

LaurieStrode · 30/12/2023 23:07

It does sound odd.

Can you take a cake or cheeseboard or something for their New Year's Eve tomorrow and just pop in?

Theunamedcat · 30/12/2023 23:10

My youngest was a quiet Cryer like a tiny kitten then at around 2 months he found his voice