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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU or is my DH?!

27 replies

MumTeacherofMany · 30/12/2023 12:32

For some context first...
Christmas day - Me, DH and 2 DC at home, cooked together, wonderful chilled day.

Boxing day - At my SIL (DHs sister) all together, another lovely day. We traditionally go there every boxing day.

26th - we host my DHs brother and family. I cooked a roast.

27th - I host DH's other sister. DH goes golfing for the day (fair enough, it's his Christmas holiday too)

Today - DC say "what time are we going to your friends house?" Dh pipes up looking miffed "oh you're ditching me then to see your mate" (he's also welcome to come, DC will come with me and they're very friendly with my friends children)

Aibu to go?

In my eyes the last few days have been spent with his family (I saw mine the week before Xmas) and I'm not begrudging spending that time with his family, I get on very well with them. Better than him in fact lol.

OP posts:
Maray1967 · 30/12/2023 12:33

Ask him one question: what did you do on the 27th? End of conversation.

Eekmystro · 30/12/2023 12:34

Course you should go and you should point out how often he’s seen his family this week (presumably that was instigated by him and not you).

Santaisscouringindeedfornewjob · 30/12/2023 12:35

So he went golfing without any dc and begrudges you a day out taking dc with you? What a knob. I hope you go out op. Leave him some washing up.. He can reflect on what a selfish git he is over the suds...

ANightmareBeforeChristmas · 30/12/2023 12:35

He's had his golf day; you're having your equivalent now.

CactusPat · 30/12/2023 12:37

Well, you’re not getting a ‘golf day’ are you, as you’ve still got the kids with you.

Enjoy your day with your friend, OP.

IncompleteSenten · 30/12/2023 12:37

Fuck that.
Ask him "oh, so does that mean you 'ditched me' to go golfing?"
And tell him not to be stupid

SecondUsername4me · 30/12/2023 12:39

Hang on, he golfed the whole day his sister came to your house?!

VyeBrator · 30/12/2023 12:40

I don't get these threads.

You've made it absolutely clear in your OP that you're one hundred million percent in the right, because clearly you are.

Are you expecting MNetters to say "Stay home you selfish cow"?

Sealover123 · 30/12/2023 12:41

YANBU, just call him out calmly. Say you went golfing the other day and now I'm going to see my friend. Did he see his sister on the 27th?

Sandia1 · 30/12/2023 12:45

Say yes, if that's how you see it, like you ditched us yesterday. BTW don't you think he might be joking?

SamphiretheTervosaurReturneth · 30/12/2023 12:47

"27th - I host DH's other sister. DH goes golfing for the day (fair enough, it's his Christmas holiday too)"

He left you and the kids at home to play nice with his sister?

I hope you chose to respond tersely to his self centred stupidity !

amoobaa · 30/12/2023 12:50

He needs to read this thread. If he’s a decent person he’ll quickly realise he’s being incredibly selfish and unkind.

YOU cooked the roast on the 26th (for HIS family)

YOU hosted HIS sister on the 27th, whilst he went golfing!!

When do you get the equivalent time to yourself whilst he does all the cooking and childcare??

You haven’t had that…instead you’re doing something that can include him AND you’re taking the kids…

But instead of thanking you, he’s begrudging you!? He’s either lost all perspective and sense and will apologise profusely when he realises. Or you have a much more serious problem.

Please show him this thread and take that time for yourself… and don’t feel bad about it :)

Ponoka7 · 30/12/2023 12:52

If he had plans of games, playing with the kids and a film etc fair enough. If not, then he goes with or takes the kids. But you get the equivalent of his golfing jolly.

Iloveacurry · 30/12/2023 12:55

I think he ditched you first by leaving you and the kids to entertain HIS sister whilst he played golf.

Mumof2teens79 · 30/12/2023 12:58

This is pointless
It sounds like he was joining anyway
A he's invited so if ge doesn't come he's ditching you
And
B he ditched you on 27th....although your dates are a bit squiffy

ManateeFair · 30/12/2023 13:03

I would just assume he was joking, though?

Nicole1111 · 30/12/2023 13:03

Tell him that if he can ditch you for golf you can ditch him for a well earned break to recharge and spend time with friends after so much hosting of his family. Let him know that if he wants to focus on free time you both get you’re happy to track the hours he spends at golf and make sure you match them.

hellsBells246 · 30/12/2023 13:58

SecondUsername4me · 30/12/2023 12:39

Hang on, he golfed the whole day his sister came to your house?!

Yeah, that's just weird!

hellsBells246 · 30/12/2023 13:58

Santaisscouringindeedfornewjob · 30/12/2023 12:35

So he went golfing without any dc and begrudges you a day out taking dc with you? What a knob. I hope you go out op. Leave him some washing up.. He can reflect on what a selfish git he is over the suds...

This!

LusaBatoosa · 30/12/2023 14:00

You must know he’s being ridiculous, surely?

LusaBatoosa · 30/12/2023 14:01

hellsBells246 · 30/12/2023 13:58

Yeah, that's just weird!

Show quote history

Also baffled by this one.

1willgetthere · 30/12/2023 14:13

I think YRBU due to the lack of communication.

EmptyYoghurtPot · 30/12/2023 14:19

ManateeFair · 30/12/2023 13:03

I would just assume he was joking, though?

I thought this. I presume he knew the plans in advance and you didn’t just drop this on him so he probably thinks he’s being funny.

LovelyIssues · 30/12/2023 16:20

Sorry I got my dates wrong! We saw his family 26th, 28th and 29th (yesterday golfiing day) 27th we stayed home together.

I'm at my friends now with the DC. I said we're up the road there if you change your mind and want to come.

LovelyIssues · 30/12/2023 16:21

@SecondUsername4me

Pretty much, he left around 1ish. She came at 2.30 till 6ish

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