Last minute cleaning for guest - how would your family respond?

[Akeevah]

Our family is normally tidy (well we’re messy people but clean often) but last night we hosted a dinner for my mum’s birthday which has meant the house is a state.

This morning sister says her boyfriend is coming over for lunch - cycling over. So she asked me to help her tidy. Sure, no problem. I HATE people in my space if it is a mess (parents were bad with cleaning when my siblings and I were young - very embarrassing ).

The bf decides it’s too miserable to cycle so asks sister to pick him up. Meaning tidying has fallen on my mum and I. I asked my brother to help but got called hysterical. Tbh he stayed up until 2 am getting the dishes done. But equally I could’ve cooked the meal he made with his gf and not trashed the kitchen. I asked him to come help and he kept citing doing the dishes from last night. Not fair as the rule in this house is that the kitchen has to be entirely done before everyone goes up. So he hasn’t done anything spectacular iykwim

Anyway, I’m in my room crying as it seems like this type of work always falls on me. Mum is clueless she’s decided now is the time to take tree down. Dad is disabled. We’re Mediterranean so it’s always a woman’s job more than a man’s. Over it. Fine back in the day if a man went out and provided then women would look after the home. Well I do both. Not fair!

I live it at home (saving up for deposit in London). Siblings are visiting.

No one does/did this for me when my bf came over.

I get it op. I grew up in a messy house that was rarely cleaned and I hate having guests over if my house is messy too. I've become less bothered as I've gotten older but it's still stressful for me.

In your situation, I would spend 30 mins tidying things away, giving the kitchen and bathroom a very cursory wipe down and leave it at that.

And to be fair to your brother if he cleaned and washed up late last night then he had done his share.

Indeed

The bf decides it’s too miserable to cycle so asks sister to pick him up.

That’s the point you say, ‘hey, I’m not tidying up the house on my own for you whilst you got off and fetch him!’

Absolutely

Why is everyone dancing to your sister's tune anyway?

If she decided to fuck off and pick him up without tidying first, that's her own lookout.

YABU here OP.

As others have said - if your sister felt the house had to look like some sort of show home before he arrived, then it is up to her to get it so such a place before going to fetch him.

Generally though, my adult dcs' boyfriends / girlfriends take us as they find us, and, dare I say, feel much more comfortable for it.

Whose house is it, what can't sister and her bf chip in when she gets home. Is the house that much of a state? Bins out, lounge cleared away, what else needs doing.

Your sister is being unreasonable here. If she wants it tidy, she should have got up earlier to do it.

Your brother makes a fair point.

I wouldn't bother actually cleaning anything- your brother's done the kitchen, and presumably everything else was cleaned ready for the party.

If you want yo help out your sister, just tidy the living room and bin any rubbish.

The person who invites the guest clears up before their visit (and after it, if necessary).

If my sister wanted MY house tidied for her boyfriend she would either do it or I would if I wanted to. I would not be screeching at others to help me especially if they didn't want to.

What mess is there in reality? You say yourself you keep a clean house so I suspect the level of clean you want it to be may be a far higher level of cleanliness to what would be normal.

If you are frequently called Monica this suggests you are over the top.

So if you do nothing what will actually happen? Is he going to dump her because her sister's house isn't tidy after a houseful of guests after the Christmas period. I suspect not but if yes then she should wave him goodbye anyway.

YABU.

You’re blaming your parents choice to live in a messy untidy home during your childhood on your current unwillingness to accept people as they are.

Saying you’re like ‘Monica’ from the Friends tv show is a cop out. You’re actively choosing to be a martyr in this situation. Why?

You’re expecting others to change their behaviour for you, but you’re unwilling to accept that you might need to compromise and change a bit too.

It’s completely your choice. 🤷🏻‍♀️

In our house / family if we had that set up?

When it was agreed Sisters B/f was coming I would have whisked my stuff out of the way into my room, made sure the bathroom was hygienic and guest friendly with a 5 min wipe down, maybe done any other easy tidying and putting g stuff away, and left your DSis to it. The kitchen was cleared / washing up done: how bad could it be?

I mind about ten years ago we were expecting dp's friend to stay. Dp kept telling me the week before that "we" needed to clean the house before his friend arrived. I told him he needed to clean the bathroom as he'd not done it for months. The day the friend was expected dp found it necessary to clean out the duckhouse, then sit in his shed drinking. The friend came early and muggins here ended up cleaning the bathroom instead. I left the bathroom to see when he'd tackle it. Twelve weeks later (and a lot of biting my tongue) I cleaned it yet again as friends of mine were due and I wasn't letting them in it like that.

A few years later we had a friend staying before he could move in next door. The day he moved out my mum was coming to stay. The day before I told my friend I'd appreciate him running the hoover around before he left. He did it immediately. Dp was so taken aback when he got home he cleaned the bathroom with no argument. Apparently I need to get his useful mates around to get dp to clean!

It sounds like your brother has done his bit already. If it really bothered me I would do it, otherwise would do my share (take the edge off the mess) and leave others to do theirs later. It is your home but it’s not your house so it’s your parents’ standards that everyone else staying there has to meet, not yours.