Aibu to feel this way
I am feeling low in my mental health right now and i dont know how to pick myself up so wanting some support please
A bit of background, I have a wonderful supportive husband, I have 3 girls, live in a lovely house not much left on the mortgage. I work part time. I only pay for the food shopping, 1 bill and generally whatever the children need. My husband pays the mortage and covers most of the other costs so I don't feel that financial burden which I am grateful for. This is the arrangement we both agreed. I look after the children mainly due to working arrangements and I'm happy with that.
I have had some not very nice comments about the birth of my 3rd child and how I have another girl. Yes I was hoping for a boy but just to experience a boy not because of any other reason where i think a boy is better than a girl because i dont believe that. I said regardless I will love my child and always wanted 3 kids. Its like these people and their comments have got into my head and i worry about their perceptions of me, and how they are making me feel our life is doomed having 3 girls. I am a Hindu so from a Asian background so that probably makes it worse in terms of their views. But iv even had a few English people make these stupid comments. Why can't people just leave you alone? Do they try and put you down to make themselves feel better about their own lives?
I love my girls. Growing up my parents blatantly didn't favour me as I was a girl, and if I reflect i unfortunately almost feel subconciously programmed into thinking is there something wrong with me that I have only had girls based on the things I used to hear my parents say about other people who had just girls.. I hate them for talking like that infront of me when I was growing up.
I want to give myself a shake because it's affecting my time with my family, and its almost like my mind is starting to believe what people say and i worry will life be really difficult down the line with 3 girls. I think I have low self worth anyway which stemmed from my childhood having been physically and emotionally abused by my parents. I dont really have self validation and if i reflect i think i've always needed some sort of external validation. And although my husband was happy to have another I initially suggested it so it upsets me that hes having to listen to these comments about having a 3rd girl. He said he isn't bothered in the slightest about other people's opinions and is happy with his children.
I find myself thinking other people must have a better life than me overall i cant pinpoint why, maybe because people are making these comments about girls down the line and I'm worrying about the future. I have also felt some smugness from other people who have boys or a mix of genders as if they are better than me, and I am nothing. I am feeling like I am nothing. This is the 1 aspect of life that is holding me back from living my life.
Aibu to feel low about my life? Please help me overcome this. Am I being stupid for feeling like this and letting my life be dictated by the views of other people and worrying about them judging me? aibu to feel like everyone is having a better and more happier life than me? How do you stop caring about other people's opinions of you? Am I seeing things out of perspective? Please help as these feelings are consuming my days.
Tia x