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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To make DD15 go on this break

27 replies

Caleche · 30/12/2023 00:44

We are visiting family in a Scandinavian city for 2 days / 3 nights. Younger DC have cousins who are similar but older DD has no one and is miserable. After 2 days we are heading to another city where we are staying in a hotel for 2 nights and she isn’t really looking forward to that either.
I feel awful as she’s miserable but did you just drag your teenage DC on breaks and make then suck it up.

OP posts:
5foot5 · 30/12/2023 00:50

Well she is too young to be left at home alone so what is the alternative? The whole family miss out because she is going through teenage awkwardness. Suggest she takes a good book and makes the most of it. Hell when I was that age I got dragged on loads of fairly boring holidays with parents. A few days in Scandinavia sounds cool.

HeddaGarbled · 30/12/2023 00:53

Yes, but I’d aim to put something in there that I know she’ll enjoy.

WhateverMate · 30/12/2023 00:56

My mum and dad always let me take a friend, which I was truly grateful for at that age and it meant I really enjoyed holidays with them.

Me and my friend are in our mid/late fifties now and we still have wonderful memories of those holidays.

Is that a possibility OP?

Ponoka7 · 30/12/2023 01:02

I dragged mine along until they were just over 14, after that they stayed with my Mum. It was becoming more and more unpleasant. I did allow a friend, but sometimes from their side it wasn't possible.

Original poster
Caleche · 01/01/2024 13:24

Well we are here and she is miserable. I should have left her with my mother. She has a sister just 2 years younger so I really don’t think bringing friends is the answer

OP posts:
DelurkingAJ · 01/01/2024 13:26

Are she and her DSis friends though?

Was she involved in the planning? By 15 I always was…and sometimes yes I had to suck up being bored for the sake of seeing family but at least I’d be consulted and my feelings considered.

Pumpkinpie1 · 01/01/2024 13:29

She’s a child. Stop pandering to her . It sounds like this is a great opportunity to see new sights , her friends will be jealous when she returns to school.

Tacotortoise · 01/01/2024 13:44

It is honestly fine for a teenager to not be having a wonderful time every second of their lives. Nothing bad is happening to her, she can still chat to her friends online, she's just in a different city for a few days.

3luckystars · 01/01/2024 13:45

It’s so hard at that age isn’t it.

LightSwerve · 01/01/2024 13:55

It's fine. It is a short break and she's at liberty to enjoy it or not.

Stop worrying about her - she's safe, loved, fed and grumpy.

colourfulchinadolls · 01/01/2024 14:00

At that age I'd have loved a chance to explore a new place, I'd have gone off on my own and explored some nice cafes and bookshops, maybe had a nice walk. I can't understand why she wouldn't enjoy that. But she's old enough to stay home if she really doesn't want to go imo.

VanityDiesHard · 01/01/2024 14:05

You should have let her stay at home, fifteen is old enough, especially if her grandmother is around to give an eye to her. Plus why does her sister being 'only' two years younger (which is a LOT at that age) mean she couldn't have a friend along? Do you try to make the two of them be best friends? Because if you do, you're on a hiding to nothing and that could also be the root of a lot of her grump.

Original poster
Caleche · 03/01/2024 07:48

No I don’t try and make them best friends but I don’t see why I should have to pay and look after another teen when they have company.

Anyway this is the end of the family city breaks with the teen. NEVER AGAIN!

OP posts:
VanityDiesHard · 03/01/2024 09:59

Caleche · 03/01/2024 07:48

No I don’t try and make them best friends but I don’t see why I should have to pay and look after another teen when they have company.

Anyway this is the end of the family city breaks with the teen. NEVER AGAIN!

If it made the break more enjoyable, it might have been worth it. As I say, she possibly does not consider her two years younger sister 'company'. Up to you, of course, and I get your point about expense. Just leave her behind next time. Fifteen/sixteen is old enough to be left alone imo (barring exceptional circumstances) I was sometimes left alone at that age and I've lived to tell the tale (high powered parents who travelled a lot for work+ independent and intelligent teen who didn't wish to be babied=sometimes being left alone in the house)

Dartmoorcheffy · 03/01/2024 10:03

I'd tell her she needs to stop rhe immature bratty behaviour.

HoHoHoliday · 03/01/2024 10:06

She has a sister two years younger than her so she doesn't have no one! Plus, you are visiting family which is nice in itself, she doesn't need someone exactly her own age to bond with, you are all family. And you are in a Scandinavian city. They are all wonderful! Give her a bit of cash and let her go out by herself to explore. I would not tolerate any stroppiness when she's being treated to a trip away.

Grimchmas · 03/01/2024 10:06

Why is she miserable- are you doing anything on the break at all that she would enjoy or is it endless catching up with relatives that she doesn't know? Has she got enough entertainment that she wants, like books, tablet etc?

I could imagine it being a very boring trip for her if she is constantly being asked to be polite and socialise with people she has nothing in common with.

Nineteendays · 03/01/2024 10:07

Thing is if op allows the 15 yo to bring a friend, the 13yo will then want one too and it all adds up. I remember going on a family holiday to France- I hated it because I was 15 and my sisters were 5 and 7 so I was lonely and bored. However, I definitely wouldn’t have been old enough to be left at home alone. I think all you can do is try and include a few fun activities with her - I remember my dad played tennis with me and took me horse riding in France which I enjoyed. Otherwise just leave her to her grumpiness

BeautifulAndBrave · 03/01/2024 10:14

That's a shame, l never went anywhere when l was that age, parents had no money. Is she spoilt? I would have loved to have that opportunity. I would speak to her about how her attitude is affecting the rest of family and yes, next time leave her at home or with your mum.

BCBird · 03/01/2024 10:17

My.mom,old school, would have told me to 'put my face right'😆 don't pander to her

FrenchandSaunders · 03/01/2024 10:18

15 is the peak age for this kind of thing, I remember it with mine on a trip to the Alps, skulking about with a face on. She's now 22 and talks of that holiday very fondly 🙄

ChaToilLeam · 03/01/2024 10:21

I remember family holidays at that age! Having a sister 2 years younger didn’t help, we had nothing in common and didn’t get on. What I did like was being let off the leash for a bit - time to go shopping and exploring on my own for an afternoon.

YourDiscoNeedsYou · 03/01/2024 10:27

How old? I had a tricky period with my eldest when he was a youngish teen, didn’t want to do anything we were doing, everything was boring. I made it a mission to find out what he would enjoy. I think he’d got older and I’d not realised he was interested in other things now, and kept dragging him to things he used to enjoy and get frustrated when he didn’t like it! Also teenage hormones thrown in too.

Ive had a bit of time to adapt and things have really improved. He’s obviously older too now, though still a teen. But we can go out as a family and go on holiday and find things we all enjoy.

shepherdsangeldelight · 03/01/2024 10:31

Would she be happier just sitting in the hotel room on her phone and joining you for dinner?

I think the visiting family she just had to suck up, but this sounds like an extra break - did she have any input into it?

NeedToChangeName · 03/01/2024 10:33

I'm surprised people are suggesting to leave a 15 year old at home in the UK (if that's what they meant)

But a 15 year old could be left to chill at the hotel

Or tasted with searching on TripAdvisor for things to do and places to eat. They might enjoy that bit of responsibility and autonomy