Parenting AIBU

[Eekmystro]

In the thick of a crazy ridiculous bedtime with my 8 and 10 yr old. We are away in an air b and b visiting a sickly relative, so kids are sharing a room. Youngest WILL NOT STOP fussing, making noise, staring at and doing all manner of sly things to annoy the oldest. Consequently they are still awake, the oldest is trying his best to hold his shit together given he just wants to be able to fall asleep. I’m trying my best not to loose my shit.

We did our usual story time bedtime, so they’ve have quality time at bedtime. I’ve given a consequence of remind of her camera tomorrow (totally unrelated so probably not useful but I needed to do something).

given I will have no time to do anything I wanted tonight WIBU to refuse to do any play with her tomorrow? I usually try to do a few short plays in the day (eg playing dollies - which I actually don’t enjoy but do because she likes it). However I’m minded to calmly say no to any requests tomorrow, and explain that I didn’t get time to do what I wanted last night because of her behaviour at bed time and so I will be taking time to do what I want today and not doing play with her for the day?

Is that harsh or reasonable? . I want something that is an effective but fair consequence to her keeping her brother up for hours. I’ve dealt with it to calm the situation this evening, but I want a consequence to prevent it reoccurring.

I was sat in the room with them, hence why I got no time to do anything. She still wouldn’t stop. She’s settle fora bit and then start coughing or bouncing her foot.

Point taken about expectations though and I am open to hearing it’s not fair to pull out that consequence tomorrow.

FYI- I’m not a mad cow. I was furious, but somehow managing to cling on to my calm by a thread. Hence why I asked for opinions. I didn’t feel I was in a reasonable space.

Coughing, or moving her foot doesn't sound like something she is deliberately choosing to do.

Are the whole family sharing one room ?
When we've needed to split dc up before, we'd have put one in our bed to go off to sleep.

Ah it was very obviously fake coughing and the. Banging her feet when I asked her to stop talking. Obviously I wouldn’t be angry at a real cough. It was many many different things to make noise and was obviously deliberate.

No they are in a room and we are. We have separated them when we’ve been away but I wasn’t able to this time because DH was asleep after helping at Ill relatives. Maybe lesson learned that we need more rooms next time

She’s 8 not a toddler. I absolutely would have read her the riot act and I don’t think your idea for a consequence tomorrow is unreasonable either.

i would probably opt for a veerrrrry long and serious chat about how keeping her sister up is unreasonable and keeping you up when you are all there to help a relative is inconsiderate. Once that was done if she was contrite I’d let it go, chalk it up to experience and try again tomorrow night.

Put her in the living room and move on with your life or send her in beside her dad. No crime I’m not being able to sleep. Sometimes by 3 year old can’t. I toss him some books and toys and leave him to it. I just tell him I can’t stay with him any longer but he’s welcome to knock himself out with quiet activities that don’t disturb me or anyone else.

She is old enough to be firmly told her behaviour is negatively impacting others and needs to stop. Forget being nice and calm. Sometimes they need to see that they are unreasonable and behaving badly.

If she genuinely is not tired enough to sleep take her for a 5km run tomorrow and make sure she is tired for bed.

I'd be furious if my DD this. You're there to help with a sick relative and you're having to put up with this behaviour?

Read her the riot act and tell her in no uncertain terms how disgusted and disappointed you are with her behaviour. Definitely don't give her any play time tomorrow. And tell her why!

She's 8 I would consider consequences the day after that to be fair, it's down to you what consequences are proportionate so I won't comment on that. It isn't like she's a toddler and won't understand consequences if they aren't immediate.

My ds (7) was very moody last week when we were going to the panto and on the way home. He was in a foul mood and being argumentative if I said ohhhh it's cold tonight he'd say no it's not what are you on about! I couldn't say a thing without that kind of comment he ruined the night to be honest. I stayed light and positive for the sake of the other people in our group but once we got home I sent him straight to bed and the next day he didn't get any television or tablet time. He wrote me a nice letter saying sorry and merry Christmas. If I hadn't have followed through with a punishment the next day then he'd never have looked back at his behaviour.

It wasn’t the being awake that was an issue. It was doing things and making noises to keep her brother awake that was an issue. I’d have been more than happy for her to be awake reading or listening to her audio books on head phones. But she was, for some reason, on the wind up. Things like slyly putting her finger up to her brother.

thanks For opinions everyone. I followed through with no camera today, as that’s what I had said last night. She’s woken in a foul mood because of being so tired and so later when she’s calmer I am going to talk to her about her behaviour and why it was an issue. Maybe Link it to how she is feeling today (seems to be massively tired and grumpy).