To ask; why do some people demand an apology?

[halfmice]

I can’t get my head around it - much as though I try.

My sibling is insisting I apologise for things, that I don’t recall doing or honestly seem trivial to me. I have really tried to see things from their point of view but I am drawing a blank. My DH thinks they know exactly what they are doing but I would prefer to think it’s subconscious - I don’t know why anyone would behave like this on purpose.

When I point out that I don’t understand, they claim I am gaslighting them and invalidating their experience. Then I question myself even though I did not mean to manipulate them at all I worry that I have. They also periodically do it to our parents and their in laws and if they don’t apologise they will say until they do they won’t see DGC. Their in laws have very little to do with them as a consequence, which my sibling believes strongly is their fault and tells everyone in our family (when they’re in the good books) that their in laws are just the difficult sort and unreasonable.

I leave interactions feeling really confused by them and running it over and over in my head, I don’t know what could cause someone to always need others to apologise to them? Is it something I can help with?

Precisely- several on this thread with the same ‘only I am hurt/right’ stance. It’s quite sad really as leads for a pretty unhappy life!

I think some people have taken concepts like boundaries, gaslighting, lived experience, validated experience etc. Which can be extremley true and useful for many people.

But don't understand or respect them, don't award the same understanding and generosity they give themselves to others, or just downright use them to bully and manipulate others.

I have little time for this and avoid people who do. But when I have to I countenance by just through it back at them. "What about my lived experience... My boundaries... You're gaslighting me!" and they usually run a mile.

Well here in the US they used to be called “cluster b” diagnoses. They are, to me, a little different from other dx like schizophrenia, or depression, or anxiety some of which are the byproduct of chemical imbalances in the brain or other health issues .

In my line of work we sometimes think of them as character strategies that have developed during childhood or adolescence—sometimes in response to trauma or difficult family or childhood experiences.

How old is she? 8? Some people just love a drama and the power play from making other people apologize to them. If it shuts her up and gets it over with just say, ‘sorry I forgot the appointment’. Otherwise welcome the blessed peace from having this drama llama out of your life for a bit. My great aunt is like this - never happier than when she feels she’s owed an apology. She loves picking it apart in endless phone calls to other family members while we all roll our eyes as aunt Agatha goes off on one again.