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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU not to include art supplies in budget for birthday presents.

69 replies

Cocomelon2581 · 29/12/2023 15:01

We have always had a budget for birthdays DD aged 10 for the last 3 years has chosen new art supplies for her birthday, her birthday is so close to Xmas that it means by the next year she is running low on things. She loves art and isn’t physically able to do things like sport hobbies etc so art is her thing. The only issue is that the supplies can be expensive so fancy paper / fancy pens / sketching books and comes to a good few hundreds pounds.
this year she would like a drawing tablet( to try graphic drawings ) or a phone - which is not a bad idea due to circumstances. She keeps going back and forward between this and her art supplies - previous years she DP would be against buying her anything additional and that art supplies is a want not a need.
so it should come out of gift budget.
I feel bad that every year she opens pretty much the same stuff so that she can continue her art. DP is no longer around.
her birthday is approaching and I have gone through all her art supplies and they are in defo need of a stock up

is it unreasonable to make her have a skill / hobby supply top up every birthday and not be able to get get anything else ?
or should I now move that to a “ need “ budget.

if your kids have hobbies - do you purchase their stuff for birthdays and Xmas or throughout the year Separately ?
seems a daft but I suppose the argument had gone on for so long 🙈

OP posts:
WhatWouldTheDoctorDo · 29/12/2023 15:19

If she's not going to other classes, and you can afford it, I would absolutely get her the graphics tablet and top up art supplies during the year. Maybe in future include some art supplies in Christmas stocking etc.

Doingmybest12 · 29/12/2023 15:20

If she is selling her art for charity, maybe she can keep half of the money for her own use. I think that's a good compromise.

scoutingfor · 29/12/2023 15:20

I have never restricted buying for my kids to Christmas/Birthdays only nor have I had to 'allocate' things as a hobby. You are allowed to buy them things any time you want.

MorrisZapp · 29/12/2023 15:20

If I've read the OP correctly and you no longer have DP telling you what to do then... do what tf you like! If it's affordable of course.

Original poster
Cocomelon2581 · 29/12/2023 15:21

@Itslegitimatesalvage that was
always my argument -
ballet classes for example around
here would be at least 100 a month. ( she is in a wheelchair ) so ballet wasn’t her choice.

OP posts:
OneMoreMyWay · 29/12/2023 15:22

We do a split.
I pay the club fees for DC's hobby. I rent the clothes and am looking to buy second hand next season. Trainers I buy as and when she needs them. Hockey stick would be given new as a birthday or Christmas present.

In your case, the graphics tablet I would definitely count as a gift.
I would try to stock up on paper, fancy pens etc in a sale if I could. I would give them as a gift to bulk up the pile, but not as the sole gift.

I would probably also put together an Easter craft set, but that's because IL's give so much chocolate I'd be delighted to give them something else instead.

SadlyACupOfTeaDoesNotSolveEverything · 29/12/2023 15:22

Do you have other DC? If so what do their hobbies cost? Does your DD get pocket money?

I would consider this her hobby/therapy and budget accordingly. DD is £75 a month in dance lessons, £30 in gym classes plus dance exams, kit, extra lessons pre exams etc. We are about 2k a year before any academic tuition (Maths 🙄).

Could you budget £10 a week even and let her control the saving/spending/need?

SleepingStandingUp · 29/12/2023 15:22

As an aside, it sounds like things were very strictly controlled when DO was about.

If you have the money, you can just buy her stuff cos she loves it and you love her. She won't be spoilt by some extra pens and paper. It's ok to just have a treat

StaunchMomma · 29/12/2023 15:23

Hobbie/activity money does not come out of Bday funds for most people.

If you can afford to, maybe buy her the additional things she wants then give her £20 a month through the year to buy her supplies as she goes? That way she can top up as is needed & learn a bit about saving and budgeting.

£20 a month is no different to paying out footballs subs or for dance classes etc, really.

Cmonluv · 29/12/2023 15:23

Cocomelon2581 · 29/12/2023 15:17

I should add she doesn’t have like the top range - like copic pens as much as she wishes 🤣 but more like newton

Just looked up those brands and honestly of it's her main hobby I wouldn't balk at the pens costs either even the expensive ones if you can afford it.

Doingmybest12 · 29/12/2023 15:24

It's OK to spend what you want on what you want if you can afford it. It needs to make sense to you not to anyone else. There are loads of way to live your life and mostly it all comes out OK in the end.

caringcarer · 29/12/2023 15:25

I pay for foster sons 1-1 cricket training every month and his club fees in the summer every week. He has had a new bat twice as a birthday present. A decent new bat cost £175. I pay for his safety helmet, leg pads and thigh pads but he has often had new batting gloves, mainly because he often loses one glove, in his Xmas stocking. He always has a couple of new cricket balls in his stocking but they cost £30 each for a quality ball and he gets through a lot of balls because of the amount he plays and he's a bowler. Why not gift some art things for Xmas but you replenish some too. It's nothing to do with your ex partner.

Cmonluv · 29/12/2023 15:25

SleepingStandingUp · 29/12/2023 15:22

As an aside, it sounds like things were very strictly controlled when DO was about.

If you have the money, you can just buy her stuff cos she loves it and you love her. She won't be spoilt by some extra pens and paper. It's ok to just have a treat

This is my thinking too... You can just spoil her a bit if you can afford it, simply to make you both happy. Leisure activities and joy are important

DisforDarkChocolate · 29/12/2023 15:25

I think it should be mixed. When mine did hobbies the things given as gifts would be the best ones we could afford it football boots. Ones bought during the year would be because they were needed and likely to cost less.

So I'd buy some art supplies during the year just like I'd get new clothes or pay for days out. Christmas and birthdays would be the better items and never all of the presents unless asked for.

Original poster
Cocomelon2581 · 29/12/2023 15:27

Thankyou I think
I will get her the phone ( it will be added to my contract ) and the graphics tablet as gifts .
will buy the art supplies additionally to give but then going ahead I will add through out the year / give monthly budget as pocket money to her or something along those lines.

OP posts:
PhotoDad · 29/12/2023 15:28

I would absolutely put aside some cash every month (instead of club membership/ballet lessons etc) and buy supplies as and when. And get some high-quality materials, it really does make a huge difference. Agreed that graphics tablet etc should be a special present.

Also if you have any family or friends who tend to buy presents for your DD, maybe mention to them that your DD would prefer a small amount of high-quality stuff to yet another of those huge "art supplies" boxes of low-quality material. Although if she gets into digital art, that will certainly cut down on "running costs"!

Princessfluffy · 29/12/2023 15:29

Manage this however you like, it's your money and you don't need anyone else's permission on how to spend it.

Buy your dd whatever you want to whenever you want to, there is no need to have any rules on this.

If she can't get out to a club you could maybe get her art lessons either online or with a tutor at your home.

TriceratopsRocks · 29/12/2023 15:30

SleepingStandingUp · 29/12/2023 15:19

She has a disability op? Do you get DLA? Personally I'd be getting her art supplies inc a drawing tablet out of that if you can.

Yes to this. DD got DLA (and now PIP) and things like this are what it is for. Art and music are her escapes. They soothe her anxiety and help her de-stress. So we've used DLA/PIP to buy things like art equipment which help her.

PhotoDad · 29/12/2023 15:30

PS About the graphics tablet, if she already has a laptop then you can save £££s by getting a tablet which plugs into it, rather than standalone.

UnbeatenMum · 29/12/2023 15:35

If you can afford it then definitely. Does she get DLA? I use some of my autistic DD's DLA for craft supplies because it's her main interest and although she's not physically disabled she's uncoordinated and finds sports difficult.

LolaSmiles · 29/12/2023 15:36

It would depend for me.

I'd count consumables for a hobby and any coaching as part of a monthly expense, so would count general art supplies in that.

If DC wanted something extra for their hobby or something to a higher spec than I'd otherwise do (eg they want to upgrade some of their bike parts, would like a better new pair of football boots when they already have a pair that are decent with life in them, would like to have a new amp for their electric guitar when they already have one) then I'd count that as a birthday or Christmas gift. More expensive art supplies and a drawing tablet would fall there for me.

Mumof2teens79 · 29/12/2023 15:39

My kids have a number of hobbies and sometimes big additional purchases are gifts, but most of times it's a necessity.

So monthly and annual fees, ordinary uniform and routine equipment is a need and part of our normal outgoings.

Additional, higher quality/price uniform or equipment (the latest trainers, a club bag or jacket, a peice of equipment to keep that they could normally borrow) would be a gift.
Any trips or camps may also be a gift....it doesn't really matter to me as long as it more or less balances between them.
Things like laptops and phones I could equally argue are necessary for their daily life. But sometimes they are gifts (first time purchases, latest model) and other times (if they break) they are just replaced because its a need.

Similarly if DD needs a new coat I will try and get her the one she wants... but if its too expensive she will have to settle for one I can afford OR have the one she wants as a early birthday present.

ChateauMargaux · 29/12/2023 15:40

If you have the money... buy her things for her hobby. You don't need to discuss this with a not present partner. This is part of the running cost of a child!!

I would consider whether you should fund some of this from the earnings from your charity stall.. legtimate costs of production.

Multipleexclamationmarks · 29/12/2023 15:41

I think you've made the right decision.
I have an artist here, 'needs' such as new canvas's, posca pens (unbranded though), paint etc are bought when needed. Extras such as the drawing tablet would be a xmas/birthday gift.
It evens out because other dc is a musician so lessons, band, drum sticks are bought as needed, big items (new snare) are xmas/birthday gifts.

Cattiwampus · 29/12/2023 15:42

I always classed books, art/craft and music as necessary for my two, neither of them were or are sporty. But they didn’t have half the clothes, trainers and named whatnot that many of their friends did.
Art is still a hobby and a passion for both of them, twenty years on. So I’m very happy you’ve decided to support your daughter’s hobby all year round.