MIL … again!

[mrsclaus1984]

What is it with MILs?! Not mine this time, though..!

My DSis (39) is the sweetest, loveliest soul you could meet. Not a bad word to say about anyone, and we’ve always been very close.

She and her DH spent Christmas with his family this year. She didn’t communicate with me on messenger as much as usual on Christmas/boxing day but I didn’t read too much into this as my BIL has a large family as I assumed they were just busy. I spoke to her a few days ago, she sounded distracted and told me we could catch up properly when she was back home today.

She’s just phoned me earlier this morning. And burst into tears :(

She told her that on Christmas Day, there was a huge argument, in which her MIL laid into her about her life choices.

My DSis and her DH are childfree out of choice. DSis used to work full time but made the decision a couple of years ago to pursue her dreams of studying as a mature student. My BIL is fully supportive of this and in fact my DSis seems a lot happier now, as she hated her old job, and she’s now studying towards her dream career.

However this is apparently not good enough for her MIL, who told her that “a woman of her age” should only be unemployed if she’s at home raising a family, and that my DSis is lazy, choosing to be a student.

DSis told me that things got so bad, they went to stay in a local hotel on Christmas Night (too far to drive home).

I feel so upset for her. as I mentioned, she is the loveliest person and works very hard on her studies.

It makes me wonder.. is there anyone out there who actually has a good relationship with their MIL??!!

I’m sorry, I’m not exactly sure what I’m trying to achieve by this post, I’m just upset for my sister 😭

To be fair, MILs with daughters will feel the same about their sons in law.

I wouldn't say that I see my son's in law as appendages exactly, but while I want the best for them, yes, I do see their decisions and their problems through a lens of how they affect my child.

For instance, one son in law was very ill some time ago. Of course I was very worried for him, but I couldn't help worrying about my daughter and her anxiety about him (and his illness's implications for their future) in a more immediate kind of way.

Having said that, I've never indicated anything like that to my sons in law or to my daughters.
And I wouldn't dream of taking them to task over anything. It's not my business, and I keep my concerns to myself.

That wasn't very nice of her to say

My own mil is fabulous. I feel I am a rubbish dil, we live very far from her, when I do see her I talk through my arse and make myself sound unhinged. I know I'll regret not making more of an effort.

I get on find with mine … we are very different people, but, I just ignore things I think are nonsense. I don’t cry, storm out, drive off etc …just shrug my shoulders and get on with my life.

Hope your sister’s Dh tells his nasty mother off. Is she jealous that she did the expected thing, had kids and never went to uni?

Mine was fab, some dodgy history prior to my Dh being born, but lovely to us.

My MiL is lovely. My SiL is another matter!

Thank you for replies, sorry I have not been able to reply more individually but had a busy few days. To those who have asked if my BIL would have to look for her .. absolutely yes he did .. she told me everything that had happened.
I told her that she should not get dissuaded from following her dreams and that I was proud of her.
not sure what I else I can say really!

Sorry, that should have said “stood up for her”!

It's really great that your BIL stood up for her.

I think that's the make-or-break factor with batshit in-laws: does your spouse back you up to the hilt and challenge the batshit behaviour, right up to the point of reducing/cutting contact if this is reasonable and necessary?

I have a very dodgy in-law, but DH and I are totally on the same page about her. So she's not a problem, because DH won't let her bother us.

Your poor sister.

I don't like my MIL but DH isn't speaking to her either so... it works out OK.

Glad BIL backed her up.