Money spent on children at Christmas

[bishbashgl]

I have 2 step kids, early teens and 2 children of my own under 3.

My family spend the same amount on all the kids, ranging from £10 to £50 depending who it is from. My DP's family spend a considerable amount more on the older kids (even though all biologically their grandkids/nieces etc).

AIBU to think this is a bit mean? Or is it normal in households to spend more money on the older kids? I know my 2 aren't aware (yet). Is it likely that as they get older it will become more fair?

DP also spent a huge amount on the older 2 as he wanted to take them somewhere special, claiming it was their only present, but as we got closer to Xmas he wanted to do presents in addition.

It has upset me, do I say something to DP about it and about his family? I don't want Christmas to be about money, but the fact the step kids go to their mums and get even more gifts does add to feeling like this.

I think it’s normal to spend more on older kids due to stuff costing more. Little kids are pretty easily pleased.

That seems okay to me. The things teens want or need are much more likely to be expensive in comparison with tots. I'm sure it will all even out as yours get older and the step kids move into adulthood. Your family spent less on them because, as you said, they get from their mums side too.

If they spent as much on the little kids, they'd have such a pile of stuff it would make Father Christmas meaningless.

You can't compare spends like that. When your little ones are teenagers and are still getting the ten pound present, that's the time to complain.

Equal doesn’t mean the same.

I 100 percent spent more on eldest this year. They both had similar amounts of presents but the little one wanted specific sets based on a cartoon and some Thomas and the eldest a laptop for school and a new mobile as hers has seen better days.
I was not about to go and but a whole bunch of stuff that DSS didn’t want.

Why do you think it’s unfair? Older kids will want/require stuff that’s more expensive, no?

Theres not a lot you can buy a teen for under 10!

My DPs sister got the older kids £25 voucher each, and the younger two got a gift each that was definitely no more than £5. As I said, I don't want it to be about the money but I think it's such a difference. I would never spend a different amount on my nieces, if I didn't have the money I would buy them both less, not favour one because they were older.

Perhaps I should just let it go, as it seems the norm to spend more on the older kids from what people have written above.

Older kids stuff is more expensive, I do think you should let it go tbh

Things are way more expensive for older dc, little ones you can get away with spending £5. I remember when df were little and £100 would buy them a sack full of gifts, once they got into game it was 2 games- half a stocking!

I think you are being precious. It would be grotesque to spend the same on under 3s who probably have as much fun with the box as the gift itself.

Children's toys are simple and cheap - enjoy it whilst it lasts and you start getting asked for electronics and designer crap!

Don't let capitalism and a materialistic world paint over the beautiful innocence of youth - you are projecting your own unfounded jealousy, not theirs

You really expect people to spend as much on under-3s who have no concept of monetary value and don't even understand WHY they are given so much stuff?

We’ve always spent more on our older kids - because the stuff for them is more expensive! One day, young kids become older kids and have more spent on them then. You seem quite odd not understanding this and thinking a 3yo should have as much spent on them as a 14yo for example, bonkers!

I also think it's fine.

My ds had more spent on him when he was older then nephew.

Now he's an adult and nephew gets more.

Same with us we got more as kids and now our kids gets more then us .

So in 10 years time I'd imagine the adult (now teens) will get less than your teens (now infants)

I think it’s fine.
in 10 years time yours will be 13 years and the current teens adult large so they will probably get a token gift and yours the higher spend then.

My 3 year old is happy with a £10 schleich animal or £10 pack of pens. It’s about £50 isn’t it to buy a basic game console game nowadays I think.

Perfectly normal.

And as for the step kids getting two Christmas's?

Your children get to grow up with parents in the same home. Your children are the lucky ones. Stop focusing on money.

I wondered how long it would take to get the comment about step families.

Nothing to do with the thread but FYI I get on with their mum perfectly fine. we've spent previous Christmas days/kids birthdays all together, we get each other gifts and we've met each others extended families. No issues about that. It's a 50/50 split that's as flexible as anyone needs it to be and the kids all adore each other.

Thanks for your replies everyone, I'll definitely just get over it and not have these expectations for next Christmas x

Definitely older kids cost more. Your under 3s will be totally oblivious.

Were the presents age appropriate and liked?

It's a thing I just put up with as a step parent. They all feel guilty the kids are from a "BrOKeN HoME" so over compensate by throwing money at them. I just say well out and let DH sort it. He can explain to the LO why he hasn't spent as much if it ever comes up. I buy my own gifts for all of them.

Yes it's normal to spend more on older children. I suspect once your children are teens their older siblings will be adults and recieve less and yours will receive more. How they treat the children year round is much more indicative of how they are.

Equal usually does mean the same. I suspect you meant to say ‘equitable doesn’t necessarily mean the same’.