To think this isn't how a toddler's night time routine should be?

[tellstales]

I'll try my best not to make this too long but I also don't want to drip feed, so apologies if it turns in to an essay!

I have three children from a previous relationship. They all co-slept with me and were breastfed for up to 2 years. At around the age of 12 months they were all moved to their own rooms with a good solid bedtime routine put in place, consisting of a bath, breastfeed, story, quick kiss goodnight and then left to settle down.

Here I am now in another relationship with a just turned 2 year old son. I co-slept with him too and he's still breastfed but I'm trying to discourage it as much as possible now.
At around 12 months I again said that DS needs to move to his own room now. This is when the problems began, because DP stuck his heels in and said no.
DS stays up till he drops basically. Then DP takes him up to bed with him. I invariably sleep in the sofa because I refuse to be up during the night feeding a 2 year old. There no routine or structure and we've argued about it loads. I want DS to be put in his own room now and for us to reclaim our evenings. I want to be able to sleep in my own bed and not have a toddler climbing over me all night and whining for the boob.

AIBU? How can I make DP see that this is nuts and it's destroying our relationship? He says he worries about putting him in his own room because 'he might get scared', so apparently the only alternative is to have his cot pushed up next to our bed with the side off so he has free reign to terrorise me for milk at night.

I also feel that DP's decisions regarding this issue are affecting my bond with my son. He's spending every night snuggled up with DP whilst I'm ousted to the sofa because there's no room. Consequently their relationship is flourishing whilst mine and DS feels like it's suffering. 😢

Get a comfy bed in your 2 year olds room. You sleep in and leave Dad to sort out the toddler.

I would get a book on sleep and how it is essential for all of us and how a 2 year old still needs a great deal.more than adults
Lack of sleep has many detrimental effects, including increasing your child's cortisol (stress, anxiety) levels. Taking this angle could hopefully move you both away from the confrontational place you are at on this issue. "Why we Need Sleep" is good place to start.

What?! This sounds absolutely bonkers! And how massively frustrating for you when you have previously had solid bedtime routines (which clearly worked) for your older children.
No way would I be sleeping on the couch!
Does ds have a bedroom to move into? I’d start by spending some time in his room and then introducing a bedtime routine, bath then story etc even if ds starts his night in his own room and if he wakes then comes back into your bed until he gradually spends longer in his own room??? No way would I be doing the ‘staying up until he drops’ that isn’t good for your little boy. Just an idea, I really don’t know.

We are currently co-sleeping with our 14 month old. We have never co-slept before. We have two older children who would NEVER get in our bed even when encouraged. Not even in the morning for us to try and steal a few more precious minutes of sleep! once they were up, they were up. My eldest son was up at 4am everyday, raring to go for years! They’re both Autistic so I’ve often wondered if it was because they didn’t like the closeness of bed sharing??

Initially, our baby slept like an absolute angel from about 6 weeks old, we’d never had a sleeper and it was glorious! He got an ear Infection and that was it, he was up every 20minutes screaming so he ended up in our bed as it was the only way anyone got any sleep and he’s been in with us ever since, he’s currently got his feet smushed into my belly sleeping soundly after tugging at my top for a milk top-up. No idea how to transition him to his own room.

He does have his own toddler bed at the bottom of ours which he starts the night in before coming in with us, he’s done up to 6 hours in that. We are considering, like I mentioned above, putting that in his room and hoping he’ll at least do the first portion of the night in there.