To be annoyed at these friends?

[purpledaze24]

I feel like with most of the close friends that I have left that live nearby (ones that I’ve known for yonks) just don’t make any effort anymore with our friendship. I’m always the one to message first or ask them to hang out first. With one of them I feel like she only gets in contact when she wants something. When we do spend time together we always have a great time, it’s not that we’ve drifted apart, but why does it always have to be me getting in contact first?…I feel like if I didn’t they’d just never bother contacting me again. I’m fed-up with it and it makes me feel rubbish. I know it may be easy for people to say ditch them and make new friends but obviously things are not that simple with friends you go so far back with. I have brought it up with them (I say them, this is not a group of friends, just 3 or 4 different friends of mine who don’t all know each other/know each other well) and I just get excuses and nothing changes

I mean, you really only have 3 choices.....continue the way things are, ditch them altogether, or have a sincere chat with them about the way you feel.

I think some people are organisers and some are followers. If you enjoy their company l wouldn't end the friendship as you will be shooting yourself in the foot. I am older than you and l decided a long time ago that l am going to do what suits me and not worry about who organised what. So if l want to go to a movie or go for coffee or something l don't care if l am the one organising it as the alternative is overthinking or sitting at home by myself. If they come along happily and seem to enjoy your company just focus on that rather than caring who planned stuff. Also try to make new acquaintances by joining a new club, taking up exercise or whatever so you are not dependent on them totally.

When we do spend time together we always have a great time, it’s not that we’ve drifted apart, but why does it always have to be me getting in contact first?

They enjoy your company when convenient but you're no longer important to them.

If you all get along and have a nice time together, there's no need to end the friendship. At the end of your next catch up, could you all pick a date and location of your next one? That way you don't have to shoulder the burden of organising every time. I do this with most of my groups of friends as it's usually me that is organising/making bookings/choosing venues and it gets tiring after a while.

You are no longer their primary friend. Over the years they may have developed stronger relationships with others and your friendship is less important to them now. Regardless of years.
Yss it hurts like hell to become less important, and acknowledge that the friendship is no longer what it was.

I hear that pp are happy to do the running if it suits them to go out etc, but this would feel uncomfortable and unbalanced to me, and a bit needy. I expect more from my friends. I like to feel valued, covsidered and important to them. I think it would eat away at my self esteem to always be doing it all to keep things afloat.

i would look for and start to develop new and better friendships. I would keep them on the back burner as plan B but actively start to look elsewhere for reciprocal friendships that enhance your life Frievdships don’t always last forever.