WWYD Do I keep out of it or say something?

[HowdidImanagetohavetwoaccountaandthenloseboth]

Meeting with wider family over Xmas. DN had a child late last year but split from partner soon after. I have kept more in contact with his ex. DN does not pay maintenance , something their parents support (much to my disgust) . They ( DN and parents) all have contact with the toddler. DN is early 20s and has had a fair few relationships.
Since the toddler turned 1 , overnights have been permitted and are being introduced slowly. Social Services are involved due to early issues. SW stipulated that the new partner of DN is not to have contact with the toddler. Tonight I was shown a photo of the new partner with the toddler. So they have disobeyed SS and gone against mother’s wishes.

What would you do with this information.

Depends on what the early issues were that caused SS to be involved. Is new partner not to have contact ever, or not yet?

You report anonymously to Childrens Social Care. I would. There is a risk, that is why they have given this instruction. By ignoring it shows they cannot keep the child safe and do not have its best interests at heart.

Report, the rules are the rules for a reason.

Report! Don't tell the mum, go directly to ss.

Have you advised his ex to apply for maintenance?
Is you DN the son of your DS/DB or your husband's? Because one of you should be challenging their selfish attitude in relation to withholding money from his ex.
What a family of charmers - and SS involved from the start.
DN needs reporting

Report
We all have safeguarding responsibilities as adults and those rules were made for a reason. The fact DN not only doesn’t care about breaking them but is foolish enough to advertise that fact suggests very little regard for decisions being made in the interests of his child and other adults need to step up

I also could not personally maintain a friendly relationship with family members who think it is ok not to provide financially for their own child.

Is there a valid reason why the new partner shouldn’t be around the child or is it the Mum just asserting control out of jealousy or spite?

What you should do depends entirely on why no contact is allowed in the first place.

I’d imagine it’s so dad can build a relationship with his child without a new partner there to confuse things.

I hope this lady goes to CMS and get maintenance - family are disgusting encouraging him not paying for his child

Also why doesn’t DN pay maintenance? Does he have an income?

Do not discuss with either parent, report the facts to social services.

What were the early issues?

What's the issue with Nephews new partner?

Why doesn't Nephews ex (child's mother) claim maintenance through CMS?

There must be a good reason for SS intervention. They don't just do it for fun.
I would be reporting

Irrelevant what the early issues were. You may not have been told the truth anyway.

Report to SS.

It's SS who state this.

Yes but why? Is it for the sake of the mums emotional health if she would find it difficult, is it advice meant to limit the amount of dad’s girlfriends the child has to meet or is it because the person is unsafe in some way.

There are so many variables here it’s impossible to advise with the limited information given.

Thanks all . Will try to answer questions . DN does sporadic work. I have suggested mum goes through CMS . I have made my views known re maintenance .

Not entirely sure of Reason why SS got involved . But was violent behaviour by DN and maybe drugs by DN not mum. Mum had pnd too. Both are young . In my opinion mum is doing good job

dn is unreliable ; relationship with mum was short . I think SS stipulated no girlfriend so that DN establishes a relationship with his son . Grandparents dote on toddler ,I think dn seeing toddler because of this. If gp weren’t interested, I don’t think DN would be . I think they are treating toddler as plaything. Not thinking of toddlers interests .

Report it.

If I report anonymously, I think they will know it was me .

GP are rich , professionals in working life and tend to always think they know better than anyone else .

Ok this is not a drip feed . Just heard in conversation just now that gp want to take toddler to Ireland for holiday. They want to take DN and girlfriend too. .

Since you don’t need a passport generally to go to Ireland if mum is unhappy about this, can she prevent it?

Since you don’t need a passport generally to go to Ireland if mum is unhappy about this, can she prevent it?

You do to fly, are they getting the ferry? Has the mother agreed? To be perfectly honest if the GF isn’t part of the problem I would leave it. She isn’t a safe guarding concern really is she?

Not sure how they will travel . Don’t think mother has been asked! The concern is introducing another person into toddlers life who may not stay on the scene. There have been issues in that relationship already ( a few months old)

No you don't need a passport to fly to Ireland, just official ID of some form.

Ryanair insist on a passport, they won't accept any other form of ID, when flying to Ireland from the UK.

I’ve experienced the exact same with Aer Lingus flying from Cork to the UK.

Maybe there are some airlines that don’t require it because obviously there are other photo ids that meet the legal criteria but afaik you need a passport to fly between Ireland and the UK.

Generally speaking, Social Services don't tend to get that involved in dictating who should or should not have contact with a child to such an extreme. It's one's thing to recommend limiting contact in order to prioritise your nephew's time with their child, and quite another to say the girlfriend should have no contact at all. If they are saying the latter, there will be concerns about this woman specifically having contact with the child, in which case you absolutely need to be reporting this. You can do it anonymously but you are right, rarely is the family unable to work out who has shared that information and frankly, Children's Services are not that concerned with protecting your anonymity. But you are an adult, this is a child and if there are concerns that this woman poses a danger to the child then I would hope you and any other decent adult would put their welfare above your own family issues.

However, it also may be that you don't have the full picture and are misinterpreting what is being said by social services. There are also different levels of social care intervention with only child protection being mandatory. If the child is under Child in Need, the recommendation from Children's Services does not have to be followed. This doesn't change anything for you; if you have concerns that the child is at risk you can only go off the information you have to hand so I'd definitely be reporting this in your shoes. I'm just adding it in there so you understand that just because you do, doesn't necessarily mean you will see clearly any outcome from your report as Children's Services will not share with you their plan or actions and a lot of people then get put off reporting in future because they think nothing happens.... Which is sometimes true but actually most of the time, people simply don't understand the processes and the confidentiality involved properly.