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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Drop off party - never met parents

24 replies

grumpycow1 · 28/12/2023 22:41

DS age 6 (year 2) has been invited to his classmate’s birthday party but I’ve never met the mum or dad. Our school isn’t very sociable, no big parties in reception due to covid and it’s stayed that way since. There are no WhatsApp groups etc so I only know a handful of mums from chatting at the gate. I have done a couple of parties and invited a couple of the kids whose parents I know and other friends from outside school.

The invite says it’s a drop off party for 3 hours. I feel uncomfortable without knowing the parents, & I don’t recognise the mum from stalking WhatsApp 😂

YABU - let him go and ask the host to call you if any problems and you will come back.

YANBU - skip the party and ask them for a play date soon.

OP posts:

Takacupokindnessyet · 28/12/2023 22:44

I think it's very individual. My youngest has additional needs so I wouldn't leave her but I probably would have let my older 2 unless I had particular concerns about the venue/activity/parents

Bunda · 28/12/2023 22:45

I'm sure it'll be fine but personally I wouldn't

ThreeTescoBags · 28/12/2023 22:45

Drop off for the party and stay for a bit to say hi and make sure your son is OK, then either go if you're happy or stay if you're not?

DojaPhat · 28/12/2023 22:56

If you haven't been able to recognise the mum or dad from the requisite stalking then unless your kid seems to be friends with the child in question and has mentioned him/her a fair few times then i'd give it a miss.

HalloweenIsDone · 28/12/2023 23:01

I wouldn't. However our school parents are at the very least chatty at drop off and pick up. I have never had my kids invited to a drop off party u less the parents were known or the option was to stay.

Bootskates · 28/12/2023 23:02

I've hosted 2 drop off parties and hardly any of the school mums know me as I am nearly always working at school run times. I had family/friends to help out and the first was a drop off party because the room had a limit on people allowed due to insurance purposes. If you're planning on staying with your child I would give the host a heads up just in case. I wouldn't suggest a playdate as an alternative though

UpendedPineapple · 28/12/2023 23:03

3 hrs is a long time at 6. Im pretty chilled but none of my 3 dc would have managed that long at any party I don't think.

Gotosleepnow2023 · 28/12/2023 23:04

I've always texted before and asked if it's ok if I stay as my DS / DD is very nervous and I've never left them before (they're not), I add that I'm not quite ready for it either. If they say yes, then stay. If they say no, then don't go. I've never been the only parent there, there's always a handful who won't leave their kids. This is to be expected. There's no way I'd leave my 9 and 10 year olds with someone I don't know, certainly no way at age 6.

alibongo5 · 28/12/2023 23:05

Wow! can't believe the paranoia on here. Really? If you don't know the parents you wouldn't let your child attend a party? Things have changed a lot from when mine were young.

Gotosleepnow2023 · 28/12/2023 23:06

alibongo5 · 28/12/2023 23:05

Wow! can't believe the paranoia on here. Really? If you don't know the parents you wouldn't let your child attend a party? Things have changed a lot from when mine were young.

No way! Why would I? I may as well just pick a stranger in the street and ask them if they want to babysit for two hours.

RandomSunday · 28/12/2023 23:07

If you don’t feel comfortable letting your DS go to his friends party let the mother know in plenty of time so she can invite someone else

DojaPhat · 28/12/2023 23:10

alibongo5 · 28/12/2023 23:05

Wow! can't believe the paranoia on here. Really? If you don't know the parents you wouldn't let your child attend a party? Things have changed a lot from when mine were young.

Does anyone else see it less about 'paranoia' but more just one less thing to have to think about?

Gotosleepnow2023 · 28/12/2023 23:12

What d'you mean @DojaPhat?

usernother · 28/12/2023 23:14

What are working parents who never do school drop offs or pick ups supposed to do? No one will ever know them. I'd have let my children go.

ApplesinmyPocket · 28/12/2023 23:16

Gotosleepnow2023 · 28/12/2023 23:06

No way! Why would I? I may as well just pick a stranger in the street and ask them if they want to babysit for two hours.

Show quote history

Lol. I think NOT. These are the parents of your DCs FRIEND. They are easily contactable, the school knows them, they are parents at your school just like you are. Just the same as letting some random in the street take them for a couple of hours? Really? oh come on think a bit.

When I was 8, my mother invited all the kids in the class from my school for a party at our house. They didn't know her, we didn't know them except they were my classmates. Everyone came, no-one insisted on vetting her first.

"The world has gone mad." as they say.

I think OP is more sensible than the poster I quoted, but on the offchance not, then just don't send your kid. Easy.

Gotosleepnow2023 · 28/12/2023 23:22

I hear you @ApplesinmyPocket and I think that 999 times out of a 1000 all the kids would be fine. But I'm just not that trusting, by the same token I wouldn't invite kids round to my house and expect their parents to just drop them off into my care without ever meeting me.

OP doesn't feel comfortable and I'm just saying that I wouldn't be comfortable with it either. We've all had different life experiences which lead us to where we are today. Just because someone is a parent doesn't mean I would trust them blind with my child. They're a stranger as far as I'm concerned.

I can't see anyone saying that a mum can not attend, so why not just ask first?

Kitkatcatflap · 28/12/2023 23:25

If you know some of the parents at the school, surely you can text or pick up the phone and say 'remind me who they are ....' Ask your son about the birthday boy, if it's a classmate, he would have mentioned him by now. If your son wants to go, introduce yourself at the drop off and leave your number. Shame for him to miss out.

alibongo5 · 28/12/2023 23:32

Gotosleepnow2023 · 28/12/2023 23:06

No way! Why would I? I may as well just pick a stranger in the street and ask them if they want to babysit for two hours.

Show quote history

But realistically, what could happen at a party with loads of other kids there? It's not as though it's one on one situation is it?

Knnniggets · 28/12/2023 23:33

See how your DC feels about it. It is useful for kids to learn how to interact with other grown ups, without having their parent around. It builds confidence and independence. For what it’s worth, no one bats an eyelid at that sort of arrangement in other countries. I had a house full of parentless 4 year olds at a birthday party in my house last year and it was absolutely fine. Most of them had never been over before either.

Gotosleepnow2023 · 28/12/2023 23:39

alibongo5 · 28/12/2023 23:32

But realistically, what could happen at a party with loads of other kids there? It's not as though it's one on one situation is it?

Show quote history

I don't know who's in the house, there could be a dodgy uncle, an angry grandma, a bitey dog, a pervy neighbour...who knows? Not me cos I'm not allowed in! 😉

I know I'm paranoid, but it suits me. I don't like taking the risk and I find parents understand this. Once I know them then fine, but not if I've never met them before. It's just not for me.

autienotnaughty · 28/12/2023 23:51

Totally normal to stay at 6. I'd do that.

Marmaladegin · 28/12/2023 23:52

I totally agree op, but round here it's always been fine to text the parents and say "dc would love to come but is s bit shy- do you mind if I stay?" Anyone half decent understands the issue and anyone who has a problem isn't someone I'd leave my dc with.

3luckystars · 28/12/2023 23:54

Absolutely no way would I do this. Even if I knew the parents I would probably stay.

DojaPhat · 28/12/2023 23:54

Gotosleepnow2023 · 28/12/2023 23:12

What d'you mean @DojaPhat?

One less thing to have to think about? i.e. no need to buy a present/card, arrange travel or reorganise plans even if said plans involved doing nothing, and how you'll spend the 3 hours (not long enough to really do much else but mooch around nearby). Unless the OP's kid is super excited I can't say I'd be all that bothered about it.

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