Borrowed items not returned

[Prettyinpink03]

So this really frustrates me and I didn't think I was being unreasonable until 3 separate friends made me feel I was.
I've gone minimal in my home and absolutely love it! Not 'I own a table, lamp and chair' minimal but everything has to fit in its space. The wardrobe houses clothes and if they don't fit then clothes need to go.
My kids were dubious but are now on board, they love how the house looks and how easy it is for them to keep on top of their bedrooms and belongings.
Anyway when friends kids come over they end up in my kids clothes for various reasons - unexpected sleepover etc. I don't mind this at all but I've tried to stop them leaving the house in these clothes because we don't get them back for ages.
The next time they visit they don't have the clothes. If I go to them it's "oh that's in the wash somewhere, we'll sort it next time". They look at me like I've lost my mind if I tell them I'll take the clothes washed or unwashed.
I don't think it's a case of my friends trying to keep it because they are never in a rush to have thier stuff back from my house either, although I always have it ready and waiting for when I see them.
Another thing is since I've done this and we all own less, I've been able to get the kids clothes they like from places we couldn't afford in the past so every item they love and wear often. I've explained this to friends and that my kids have less than they used to so we need speedier return times. Tbh I don't feel like I should have to explain why I want my own belongings back but these friends make me feel like it's an issue. It's at the point where I've thought about getting some cheap t-shirts etc. to keep in a basket as spare/guests clothes then I wont care if I dont see them for weeks/months or ever!
Ahhh. AIBU?

Never lend anything you care about or expect back in good order. I have never lent or borrowed. I found it weird.

Thanks for the responses all. Yes it does happen often as my house is sort of an open house for my friend's and their kids which I like, I just want them to not leave in my things lol.

I understand the clash of lifestyle comments in regards to how different we are but I don't understand how my minimalism has anything to do with waiting weeks/months to get something returned and that's with me asking.

The reason you are not getting them back is that they are nice high end clothes and the other kids like wearing them… so they are in the wash. Get Tesco joggers n t shirts, bet they are returned

IME of girls doing sleepovers it’s fun to try on each other’s clothes and maybe even go home in them.
I’d stop the non-essentials ten minutes before home time with “Rosie, your parents are on their way, it’s time to get all your stuff together and put your own clothes back on!”

This is insane and the two PPs claiming it’s “a clash of lifestyles” are at best feckless spongers and at worst, thieves. You can’t take a child’s clothes and decide you’re not giving them back because you’re so useless and lazy you “can’t remember” to do so. I’d go to their house and refuse to leave until they return the items and not have their kids again tbh.

I'd get a few cheap t-shirts and packs of underwear from Primark and stash them in the airing cupboard. The stayover kids can use the t-shirts to sleep in and/or wear them home the next day. I know you shouldn't have to, but rather that than them taking your kids nice clothes home.

Either that or you tell your friends that their kids can only stay over if they bring spare clothes, as your own kids have minimal things now and it's unfair on them to be a few outfits down when people are slow to return things.

How are so many children going home in your children's clothes?Having an open house for your children's friends to play doesn't equal you having to kit your children's friends out in new outfits.
What are they all doing so that their clothes are so filthy they require a change of clothes so regularly?

I have hardly ever ended up loaning other kids clothes on sleepovers. They either been planned and they’ve bought their own stuff, or they’ve just slept in their own clothes. I suppose I might have lent some pyjamas, but then they’ve put their old clothes back on in the morning before going home.

Or you could remember to return things that don't belong to you.

I've seen a few comments about why kids always have our clothes on and realised it does sound strange.
So it's different things, sometimes they do "makeovers" and parents turn up during this. When I tell the kids to change quickly I get the parents questioning why it's necessary, we can sort it at later date. Same with unplanned sleepover, parents turn up in morning so the kids have my kids PJ's on and I get evil eye for telling them to get dressed quick.
Again unplanned sleepover, no spare clothes so they'll put my kids outfits on if we are going out. Parent ends up collecting from where we are so can't change.
Kids turn up in t-shirt, get cold, they ask for jumper/hoodie and if I say take it off when they leaving the parent isn't happy as kid will be cold in car on way home.
The thing is I didnt actually mind all that initially until I had to chase getting everything back.
On one occasion brand new top for summer, my kid wore it once. Got borrowed and given back in winter. The following summer it didn't fit her!

We don’t have many planned sleepovers or on the very rare occasion that we have had one, the kids sleep in their top and pants/leggings.

Honestly, if you are doing these on a regular basis, and all of the parents involved are stealing your clothes, it’s fine to say, ‘sorry, we have had too many people never give stuff back’ when they roll their eyes at you.

A friend of mine was clearly annoyed when my toddler had to borrow a pair of tights and asked me to return them straight away. I would have done that anyway but she came across as unfriendly, controlling and upright. I had totally forgotten until I read this thread. Just be careful you aren’t being too uptight about this.

I think be blunter

sorry x you do need to change into your clothes before leaving from sleepover. To eye rolling parent - sorry x but we need those clothes for tomorrow (said jauntily, smile, make eye contact and don’t break it)

if a child sleeps over and you go out, they have to wear yesterdays clothes, it won’t hurt them and if they don’t like it they don’t have to stay over.

as you mention waiting ages to get it back, all summer in your example is absolutely not ok!

Definitely not being uptight, I understand where you are coming from though if that's how your friend acted. I worry so much about offending people that I've always gone too far the other way. Like I said initially I didn't mind at all, it was only after it became such a mission to get things back that I tried to put a stop to people leaving in the kids clothes.

Some of these are meant to be replies to a poster but I'm useless at figuring out how to do these things. Sorry for any random posts!

Sounds like your friends are really taking advantage of you.

Unplanned sleepovers, leaving in your kids PJs, you putting your kids clothes on them, kids being collected and still wearing your kids clothes !!!

They’re taking you for a mug or some kind of youth project.

There is very occasionally loaning stuff in an emergency (having child unexpectedly because parent is incapacitated, child has toileting accident etc) and there’s just facilitating other parent’s/children’s complete lack of organisation, forward thinking or responsibility. If they are likely to need a jumper most people would bring one when they go out. If they might sleep over they need a bag of things, or to just stop randomly crashing wherever they fancy. If their parent is inconvenienced by waiting two minutes for them to change or by their child being cold in the car (which presumably has heaters?!) then maybe they’ll be better organised in future - I’d just have been grateful you’d been so hospitable to my child.

Please say you aren’t also providing a basket of new toothbrushes etc for these kids to use too…

I'd give them one of my DH's shirts to sleep in if staying for a sleepover without having brought PJ's, that way they'd not be tempted to wear it the next day. If parents gave me the evil eye about being forced to wait for their kids to get changed, then I would ask them to give more notice of pick up in future, AND make them wait, (whether they like it or not), for the child to change back into their own clothes. When you've been good enough to look after THEIR kids, the least they can do is give you a pick up time that they stick to, and be prepared to wait if they don't or can't. Also, as I believe another poster said, if doing a sleepover and going out the next day, if they haven't brought fresh clothes, then they wear what they arrived in. If they arrive without a jumper and are cold, I would make them wear one of mine, which would be like a dress on them, get them to roll up sleeves etc., and that way they won't want to go home in it. Trouble is that you're being a bit too accommodating OP, and as is always the way in this situation, people take the piss.

Makeovers - they can get changed before going home or nobody plays makeovers or friends can bring their own clothes to play dress up in

Unplanned sleepovers - fine if you're happy with that, but the children get up and dressed into their previous day's clothes if they've borrowed pyjamas. They don't need to have fresh clothes on the following day and if parents want that they can arrange a sleepover with you and/or drop a bag of clothes off.

They're either being deliberate CF to you OP or they're CF because it's easy for them to be CF.

That's totally unacceptable.

If you can't trust yourself not to STEAL other people's property (because that is essentially what you are doing), then have the goodness not to steal "borrow" their stuff in the first place.

Wow.

I am shocked that you admit this and put the onus on the lender to accommodate the likes of you.