to think he's lost the plot starting an argument over this?

[sellytype]

I always do seem to struggle getting DH to think logically when it comes to DSS, 14 and tonight's argument has just tipped me over.

He was out all day at work today and I have been at home with our 2 year old, DSS 14 went back to his mums yesterday.

I've spent all day trying to get the house clean and tidy after the last few manic days with Christmas and boxing day and family coming in and out etc.. and have cleaned living room, kitchen, bathroom, our room, 2 year old room.

DH has come home and instead of being appreciative has insisted it's unfair that i haven't touched DSS's room. I could have "at least" ran the hoover round and made it a bit nicer for him apparently.

Imo a 14 year old shouldn't need me to come in and tidy his room. He has the capability of keeping it tidy himself. He's 14, not 4!! He doesn't look after the space imo and I've said time and time again to DH that he needs to get stricter with making him tidy it up. I'm not going in there when it's a pigsty though and doing it for him.

He always gives me the "you wouldn't do that if it were our DC" shite but I honestly think I will. I get teens are messy, I was myself but I was always made to tidy up my room every so often, my mum never came in and did it for me as I recall.

So was I really being unreasonable to clean every room in the house except DSS's when he's capable of doing it himself? Even my 2 year old helped me tidy away his toys.

I wouldn’t dream of touching my step kids stuff. I’ll hoover , but only if the floor is clear. Not my kid. Not my mess.

As you say there is no reason a 14 year old should be responsible for their own room

time for a further discussion with your dh on this and the fact he’s not a baby he’s a teen and should be given responsibilities and chores now, which in clued keeping his own room tidy

What's stopping him cleaning his sons room ?

"you wouldn't do that if it were our DC" irrelevant - he's not your DC and his own parent can vacuum of he's that bothered.

I think its very unfair your dh hasn't done any cleaning at all. Either he or dss can clean that room, including changing the bed sheets. His son, his problem to deal.

This isn't even a step child issue. No way would I be cleaning up any 14 year old's room - that is down to them. YANBU.

He's being an arse. At 13 my children are/were expected to keep their own rooms in a reasonable state. I'm happy to help wrestle sheets/duvets on to beds, but it's otherwise up to them. I do, however, tell them when I expect it to be done (otherwise it never would be done!)

A 14 yo is capable of clearing up their own room. Fine, if it was tidy, run the hoover round, but you shouldn’t be sorting out mess for a teenager.

If any adult needs to be going and doing a bit of tidying to “make it nicer” then your DH should be doing it (as I say, if anyone).

He’s an absolute arse for not just thanking you for what you’ve done!

As a parent of a 14 yr old, I can tell you that you're right - they clean their own room. IF I can see the floor and I'm hoovering anyway, I'll do theirs, but that's the only circumstance.

I’d imagine your 14 year old step son appreciates privacy in his room, too

Depends on the relationship- if you don't like him much and you've pointedly cleaned every room in the house bar the SS room, then your husband is probably picking up on that.

I might hoover my 14yo room, if I could actually get in there. But usually the floor is an obstacle course, so I make her clean and tidy her own room and then vacuum it herself.

All my kids vacuum their own rooms. I don't tidy it either, unless I'm doing a big clear out for some reason.

Your DH is bonkers..

"You're absolutely right darling, he deserves someone to clean and tidy his room. Here's the hoover."

Your dh can go in to run the hoover round and make it a bit nicer. There is nothing stopping him.

I've had two 14 year olds, and I sure as hell didn't clean their rooms. That was their responsibility. Your husband is fucking ridiculous. The boy isn't 4, and you aren't the skivvy.