Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Silent treatment and being called nasty..

17 replies

Millymollymaisy · 28/12/2023 19:26

Am I nasty? Me and Dh share one child who is 7 and a healthy weight to height ratio. I have also confirmed this on the nhs bmi calculator for kids.

child has a healthy appetite and enjoys food. Has three meals a day plus a couple small snacks, doesn’t have fizzy drinks or sugary sweets , doesn’t like things most kids do like ice cream , cakes and what not but over all has a varied and balanced diet.

for months and months and months dh has made comments about child’s portions of food intake in a negative way. Saying it’s too much, on Christmas Day he even commented on the fact child was having ketchup with his lamb.. child hears these comments most of the time and frankly I have had enough.

I have eating issues and am under the local clinic team for help with it. My issue is binge eating. Im very conscious of my own issues and have made sure none of that is passed down to my son and feel very strongly about people making comments on other peoples bodies and weight because comments like this plant like seeds but more so my child is perfect weight for his height and has no problems T all.

DH is over weight maybe by two stone. Has a noticeable large belly not that anyone including me says anything. He has two teenage children from his first marriage. One is chubby but one is clearly over weight and had piled on a lot in about a year. She’s also short which doesn’t help. Now for this child who’s 17 he sends burgers and chips home to her from work, he buys chocolates and when out for something to eat never ever warns her about portions or choosing healthier options. I have never said a thing about her weight to her I never would but I have snapped and said to him that maybe he needs to direct this advice and concern to his child who does have a weight problem because the child we share doesn’t. I told him instead of sending her burgers and chips he could send her healthier options such as a salad . Bitchy? Maybe but after months and months of comments about our normal weight young son he would never dream to say this to his very overweight daughter

hes told me in nasty and I always drag his kids into arguments I don’t and this isn’t a argument I’m simply asking him to stop making negative comments when they aren’t wanted needed and justified and it’s so hypocritical when he has a very overweight daughter who might benefit from this input

I’ve now been ignored for two days and basically been called out as a nasty person who’s nasty to his kids ( I have never been )

the reason I referenced his daughter is only because he said as a father it’s his right to have his say but as a father shouldn’t that apply to the child who needs it ? The whole thing is so bizarre but I won’t back down .. my child is a normal size to his height and has a good varied diet .

was it nasty to point out the blatant facts ?

OP posts:
YouRatBastard · 28/12/2023 19:35

You basically criticised his child. Regardless of if you are right or not about their weight, you really shouldn’t criticise how someone else’s child looks. Can you imagine how you would feel if someone said something about how your child looks, and blamed you for it to boot?

That said, he sounds like a bullying, abusive arse.

Crazyhousewife23 · 28/12/2023 19:39

You hit a nerve. I agree with why you said it and it seems this is more a control issue on your partners part but he will be upset for you saying things about his child, despite them being true. He really shouldn’t be pulling apart what your child is eating and you should be standing up for your child

Millymollymaisy · 28/12/2023 19:40

Well that’s my point. He’s criticising the child we have and their diet. He’s making out our child is unhealthy and is eating too much or junk when none of it’s true. That offends me as his mother so if I’ve offended him then why can’t he understand how his behaviour makes me feel when it’s about the son we share ? His child factually is very over weight but he seems on focused on negatively remarking on the one child he has that is a healthy body weight .

OP posts:
Millymollymaisy · 28/12/2023 19:42

Crazyhousewife23 · 28/12/2023 19:39

You hit a nerve. I agree with why you said it and it seems this is more a control issue on your partners part but he will be upset for you saying things about his child, despite them being true. He really shouldn’t be pulling apart what your child is eating and you should be standing up for your child

Thanks that’s what I’m trying to do! There is no weight issue with my child yet he wouldn’t ever dare to say to his elder child about her weight issue but nit picks constantly on my son

OP posts:
PurpleBugz · 28/12/2023 19:45

YouRatBastard · 28/12/2023 19:35

You basically criticised his child. Regardless of if you are right or not about their weight, you really shouldn’t criticise how someone else’s child looks. Can you imagine how you would feel if someone said something about how your child looks, and blamed you for it to boot?

That said, he sounds like a bullying, abusive arse.

Yes she knows how that feels that what this post is about?!

Crazyhousewife23 · 28/12/2023 19:45

If it continues your son will end up with an eating disorder and an unhealthy relationship with food. I would also hint he may need to practise what he preaches and take a look at his own food choices and weight. His example and soft touch has created a problem for his daughters so he may want to create a new healthier lifestyle in the new year for his son and his daughters

PurpleBugz · 28/12/2023 19:50

I'd guess he's trying to ensure your son doesn't turn out like his daughter. I'd tell him straight that sort of comments is emotional abuse and damaging. My mother made comments like this to me a fair bit as a child when I was never big (but she was) I have never felt comfortable in my body felt fat at a size 8 and can fairly regularly go 36 hours without food. Be firm with him he has to stop, and he needs to understand why.

Notanotheruser111 · 28/12/2023 19:51

can I just clarify? Your DH is making these comments to you, and your son overhears? If so, looking at it from a slightly different angle, he is making comments about the food you serve and the portions effectively criticising your parenting around an issue that you are especially vulnerable to? When you challenge him he attacks then gives you the silent treatment?

That sounds like he is trying to put you down, he clearly isn’t food obsessed when it comes to others and himself so is it more that this is the most effective stick to beat you with, metaphorically speaking?

Millymollymaisy · 28/12/2023 19:54

Most of the comments my son doesn’t hear but a few he has. He even exclaimed at the dinner table ‘ I’m not fat ! ‘ I’ve told husband twice I have issues with food and don’t want that passed on and feel strongly about this all of which he knows about but he is simply turning it round to I’m nasty.

OP posts:
oneflewoverthe · 28/12/2023 19:56

Your poor son will end up having a complex. You obviously hit a nerve. He's got some cheek when he's overweight and his other children are too. Sounds a bit bully like.

Pinkchicken85 · 28/12/2023 20:00

i think he’s written off his elder childrens’ plight against obesity so he’s overcompensating with your DS.
I’m aghast that he’s giving you the silent treatment over this, he doesn’t sound very emotionally mature.
Stick to your guns, protect your child’s mental health and intuitive eating, it’s fragile. Calmly reply “ no this portion size is perfect for DS”.

ilovebreadsauce · 28/12/2023 20:15

You are both setting your kids up for a lifetime of disordered eating.Do you really think they dont know aboit your own disorder?

Snowdogsmitten · 28/12/2023 20:59

He’s a fat twat, a moron and a bully.

Millymollymaisy · 28/12/2023 21:04

ilovebreadsauce · 28/12/2023 20:15

You are both setting your kids up for a lifetime of disordered eating.Do you really think they dont know aboit your own disorder?

Yes im confident my seven year old has no idea of my issues with BED.

OP posts:
Santaisscouringindeedfornewjob · 28/12/2023 21:06

He can't face the fact you are a better parent imo.

mottytotty · 28/12/2023 21:08

YANBU. He’s going to give your child an eating disorder.

Is he a twat in other ways? I would seriously think about leaving him.

ClottedCreamScone · 28/12/2023 21:46

Yes, it was pretty unreasonable to make bitchy comments about another child and to drag her into a fight that has nothing to do with her. Your husband’s comments about your son’s food intake are wrong and you’re right to challenge them, but not by stooping to his level and being cruel about another child.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread