Apologies in advance for the long vent ahead...
Feel like I've worked myself to the bone, a bit, just pressing ahead with work/household etc until xmas holidays and now it's here/almost over I am absolutely dreading the imminent return to reality. I have a senior role in an organisation I love but it's a quite stressful role without the autonomy that I had hoped for! I line manage half the department heads, and often feel insecure about my management style and that half my team don't respect me very much. Also had hoped to get ahead a bit while the office is closed, but haven't made much progress (I'm not as productive from home I fear)
Just done the budget for Jan and can't fathom where it all goes, both DH and I earn ok and our rent is below market value, yet it feels impossible to pay everything, save, pay off credit cards that inevitably get used.. before covid and marriage I was off on holiday every few months. Now a holiday seems impossible...
18 months married and poor DH has had a shocker of a year for sure but I can't help but feel unsatisfied sometimes. I am very future motivated, always need a goal or something to work towards, and he is the opposite. He doesn't love his job but gets paid well, wants a larger house/to buy a place but doesn't want to sacrifice spending money to save for it, has been saying he'll do his next qualification for a year now and hasn't made any progress! I know he is not satisfied in life either, often gets depressed, but any time I try to sit us down to remedy this and find a solution it goes nowhere. We've also felt a bit let down by our friends and acquaintances this year, as I said he's had a rough go, and only really has me for support, and I don't always have the emotional energy to give it.
Overall I know I am lucky and should be grateful - good job, nice home, family and friends who love me and a wonderful if somewhat directionless husband, but I can't help but feel anxiety and dread about the monotony. AIBU to feel this way?