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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have expected a gift?

36 replies

heyyouyesyouthere · 28/12/2023 14:17

I was 40 yesterday. Had a lovely day with family and friends. We have booked a family holiday for a week to Cyprus next week (me DH and 2 kids) and DH kept saying that was my birthday present. I thought he was joking but appears not as I got no gift from him yesterday (not even a little thing to open). Am I being selfish to have expected something, given that we all actually benefit from the holiday! I've said nothing as I don't want to cause a row.

OP posts:
Toomuch44 · 28/12/2023 15:41

If you had total say over where you're going, maybe he sees it as a treat more for you. Might have been nice to have a small token gift though.

FuzzyPuffling · 28/12/2023 16:36

heyyouyesyouthere · 28/12/2023 14:45

I guess the difference is that his was a surprise fully organised by me. This holiday I have planned. I am surprised as he's usually quite thoughtful but clearly not this time round. In terms of finances, we only have one account and it's joint, no separate accounts.

In that case, anything he bought you would be from joint funds.

I don't really see the problem, except it didn't meet your expectations.

meganorks · 28/12/2023 16:39

Personally I think YABU. I'd be more than happy with a holiday.

Woahyeahyeahyeah · 28/12/2023 16:41

I get that not having a little gift to open on the day would make you sad but, a Holiday is a really big thing! Would the gift he bought you not be paid for out of the joint account anyway? Did he get you a card OP? It's my 40th next year and I would be super happy with a Holiday instead of a Prezzie!

BasiliskStare · 28/12/2023 20:56

Does every birthday need a present when there is a lovely holiday attached to it or just the ones ending in 0. If you got a nice card I would go with it. And if you are there and see something nice then he can buy it then and then and there. I can see if you have booked the holiday yourself then slightly disappointing , but I would not worry too much if I am honest.

Tippexy · 28/12/2023 20:57

FuzzyPuffling · 28/12/2023 14:19

If he's paying for the holiday then I think that's fine.

They’re married…

randomuser2020 · 28/12/2023 21:28

This reply has been withdrawn

Removed at poster's request due to privacy concerns.

BarkHorse · 28/12/2023 21:35

this is MN so people will be sneery - but you’re totally not being unreasonable. It’s your fortieth and he’s basically passed your annual holiday off as your present (that you organised). that’s utterly crap

FieldInWhichFucksAreGrownIsBarren · 28/12/2023 21:59

Nope that is shit.
We did a kind of joint destination holiday for our 40th's-minus the kids. A family holiday is NOT a gift.
Did he get you nothing from the kids as if not that's even worse?!

Jingleballs2 · 28/12/2023 22:10

If his birthday holiday was also out of joint funds then I think you're being a bit unreasonable. I know you've been involved in planning this holiday, but that's nice because you get to pick what you want 🤷‍♀️

Avacardo2023 · 28/12/2023 22:49

So you didn't get him a gift to open either? The only difference here is that you organised your own trip as well as his. He was probably disappointed not to receive a gift, unless you bought one when his original trip was cancelled?

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