Does this seem petty?

[amelien]

Long time lurker, first time poster.

I would really like some perspective on this situation, if you wouldn’t mind…My son (15) has been very close to a family that live near to us since he met their daughter (15) in primary school. He is still friends with the DD, but also with her younger brother and we are friends with the parents. The children now go to different schools, but see each other as often as they can, as they have always done.

According to my DS, their DD has shown some very obvious signs lately that she doesn’t want him at their house (he hasn’t seen them in a while because he has been away at school). When he asked the mum if he could pop up the last couple of times, the answer has been ‘not today, DD is here with…’ My DS was feeling a little rejected and not understanding the sudden change, but we talked and I explained to him that as people get older things evolve and relationships change. Although it can be sad, sometimes we need to just let a friend go because you have taken different directions for whatever reason. DS completely agreed with me and didn’t seem too upset. He has a great set of friends from school and he understands that their DD has done the same in her own school. I know for sure that he hasn’t upset anyone because either the mum or dad would definitely have told me.

Here’s where my AIBU comes in. We are lucky to have some friends who have a second home in Ibiza. Next year we can pretty much choose when we want to go and I said to my friends that it would be lovely if we spent some time together, kids and us two couples. Their DD was really excited, but I’m not sure I want a teen girl rolling her eyes at my DS and making him feel uncomfortable for a week. Although this may seem tit for tat, it really isn’t and I completely understand that she no longer finds her friend from primary school very interesting, but I don’t think you can always have it how you want. You can’t pick and choose when you ‘put up’ with someone because it suits you.

Just to be clear, we have made no firm plans. No plane tickets bought, dates chosen, etc.

Not petty at all, if you're going to do a joint holiday it needs to be with a family that is fully compatible with yours.

Although, that said, it doesn't sound like she's actually been mean to him so I'm not sure what this comment is about: I’m not sure I want a teen girl rolling her eyes at my DS and making him feel uncomfortable for a week

Will you continue to see the adults of the family? Are you friends independently of the children?

I dont think you are being petty.

Do you have the kind of relationship with the mother that you could have a quiet chat with her about it?

When I said it’s was obvious she didn’t want my DS there it was because she was being pretty obviously mean to him. Tutting, sighing, rolling her eyes. My DS was just taking to her little brother and his mum at the time.

Yes, I was thinking of having a chat with her mum. She is very understanding and says herself her DD can be quite high maintenance. I think her parents want a quiet life, so put up with a lot of bad behaviour, but that is none of my business. Each to their own.

Not petty. A joint holiday needs to work for everyone involved. I would see the parents separately and let the teenagers’ former friendship die off.

I don’t quite understand - does the holiday home belong to a third family but you’re planning on going with the old friends with the DD in question? Or is it their holiday home?

Just to be clear, we have made no firm plans. No plane tickets bought, dates chosen, etc.

No conversation needed.

I didn't quite understand this either.

She sounds pretty much like a normal teenager. I was the queen of tutting and eye rolling at that age, especially around people I found boring , which at the time was most of the human race 😁
My advice is to quietly drop plans for a joint holiday and if the mum mentions it, just say you've had a think and it probably wouldn't work out

I'm a bit confused as to why you mentioned it then?

I said to my friends that it would be lovely if we spent some time together, kids and us two couples

Why would you do this? It sounds like you're intentionally trying to cause an issue in a faux sweet, shame your daughter's horrible or we could all go away together way. Or at the very least having the daughter put in her place over expected teen behaviour in her own home.