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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset with sisters

15 replies

NE1else · 28/12/2023 08:03

On Xmas Day I found out my sister's and their children are getting together on NYE after I offered to host them. Me and my two children weren't invited, my sisters OH is on nightshift and she said she didn't want to be on her own with her two DD. I am a single parent so I felt they were being a bit thoughtless. For context we all live in the same town and have children around the same age. I told my sisters this upset me and now one of them isn't talking to me. She even removed herself from the family whatsapp.
The worst part is yesterday was my little boys birthday, I invited everyone around for cake and neither sister replied or came.
AIBU for feeling upset? I feel like I should never have said anything. I wouldn't have except my eldest is 10 and was present when we found out and was also hurt.

OP posts:
whitebreadjamsandwich · 28/12/2023 08:09

So they declined your offer, then decided to have a party without you elsewhere? Harsh. YANBU

BrringBrringMeow · 28/12/2023 08:13

Ouch. YANBU. They’re nasty and cowardly - removing themselves from the groupchat rather than owning up and being respectful. Sorry your sisters are such arseholes.

Projectme · 28/12/2023 08:13

Wow. That's not nice. I'd be upset too and would just ask them what the issue is.

Whatevershallidowithmylife · 28/12/2023 08:15

That sounds very mean - have you asked them what the problem is?

RandomButtons · 28/12/2023 08:15

Yeah that’s not nice at all.

Original poster
NE1else · 28/12/2023 08:20

I got upset on Christmas Day and left the table with my son and we sat upstairs playing after that ( we were staying at my parents ) after a bit I sent a text just saying sorry, that I just found being on my own at this time of year hard. After that they left Whatsapp and no response. I acted childish and I own that, I am assuming that's the issue

OP posts:
EnjoyingTheSilence · 28/12/2023 08:26

No you didn’t act childish, they have though. I’m sorry your relatives have behaved so badly

Daisybuttercup12345 · 28/12/2023 08:39

EnjoyingTheSilence · 28/12/2023 08:26

No you didn’t act childish, they have though. I’m sorry your relatives have behaved so badly

They are all being childish. Kids playing with dolls and falling out.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 28/12/2023 08:48

I think unless there is a huge backstory here or you've left out a lot of what you said, they have behaved terribly.

You invited them, they declined but arranged to get together without you. The reason they gave didn't make any sense (she didn't want to be alone, but if they came to yours they wouldn't be alone...?)

You found out on Xmas day and your child was upset. Telling them you were upset is ok. That behaviour would upset anyone. I'm assuming you didn't call them names or anything.

Avoiding their nephews birthday party, ignoring you, and removing themselves from a group chat all because you said you were upset, is nasty and childish and completely disproportionate to the issue

They clearly want to spend time with each other and not you...are they generally closer? Are you the family scapegoat?

Ktime · 28/12/2023 08:50

They sound like a pair of bitches. Don’t run after them.

I’m guessing you’re the one who does them favours?

Newchapterbeckons · 28/12/2023 09:11

Op I imagine they would say you were hard work and making everything about you….

And they would be wrong.

A decent sister would offer love and support at Christmas if you were feeling sad. They wouldn’t host parties and leave you and your child - their nephew out.

Stop talking to them now, and work on an external support network. Reciprocal friendships and connections outside of your family. This now needs to be your focus. Your family are toxic and harmful.

You need to develop a full life without them, or you will always be hurt and damaged by them. Let them go, distance yourself and build a different life op.

Original poster
NE1else · 28/12/2023 09:20

I think you've hit the nail on the head, if it's not me who is ' too much ' then it's another family member. It's as if there always has to be a villain.
I have wonderful friends and people around me, I just need to focus on them. I just want to fit in, but I know I will never be enough. It's hard as I recently left a 16 year long abusive marriage.

OP posts:
Holly60 · 28/12/2023 10:29

I'm so sorry - that is so mean of them.

When I was young I sometimes wished I'd had a sister and then I hear of things like this and I thank my lucky stars for my disorganised brother who (if I'd not already invited myself 😂) would have called me NYE afternoon and said 'are you coming over then sis?'

Definitely focus on the positive people in your life, whoever they might be. If they drag you down, they aren't good for you. Look for the people who lift you up.

I hope you have a lovely NYE whatever you decide to do.

Moreorlessmentallystable · 28/12/2023 12:29

It's mean but there is nothing you can do about it. Even talking about it won't help so just treat people the way they treat you and that's that. We had similar this year, so sometimes you have to make your own fun 😜

Marplesyrup · 19/06/2024 18:36

Not coming to your little boy’s birthday celebration is very petty …… I would find it hard to move past that.

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