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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Married and attached men on Tinder! Just joined

23 replies

Boombambop · 28/12/2023 00:48

Whose wives/gfs I know. Eww!

There is also a huge number of men in supposedly open relationships, etc

Shocked, but unsurprised.

OP posts:

LoopyLooooo · 28/12/2023 00:50

I mean Tinder is hardly going to get you the cream of the crop now is it? 🤣🤣

AmazingDayz · 28/12/2023 00:51

Not your circus…..🎪

tescocreditcard · 28/12/2023 01:06

I think all dating apps are like this. Come off the apps and get yourself down to your local pub where the locals will warn you if anyone is a bad 'un.

Original poster

Boombambop · 28/12/2023 01:15

How do I get to the local pub without anyone to go with @tescocreditcard ? All my friends are coupled and go very irregularly/not at all.

OP posts:

FlamingoFloss · 28/12/2023 01:17

You need to go on a paid for dating app- that way you’re more likely to get men who are seriously looking for a relationship

AmazingDayz · 28/12/2023 01:22

Why do you need someone to go with? There was a whole thread on MN the other day with women saying they always go to the pub alone. 😏

Original poster

Boombambop · 28/12/2023 02:41

@FlamingoFloss Have been on Bumble and Match. They're not any better IMO

OP posts:

Original poster

Boombambop · 28/12/2023 02:41

@AmazingDayz The stares and assumptions...

OP posts:

Sickofinsomia · 28/12/2023 02:44

This is depressing but doesn't surprise me at all :(

TinkerTiger · 28/12/2023 02:49

Boombambop · 28/12/2023 02:41

@AmazingDayz The stares and assumptions...

New Year's resolution for you to work on! I felt that way about cinemas and restaurants and I do those by myself. I've once done it at a pub too when I was in between shifts and had to grab a bite and fancied a particular dish at a nearby pub.

I admit I was in for food and a drink and left after, perhaps it's a different vibe if I'm there to chill with a few drinks on a Friday evening, but it's something that I want to do

Original poster

Boombambop · 28/12/2023 02:52

@TinkerTiger I have been to the pub by myself before. For lunch and for a quick drink or two. I do quite also solo, including what you've mentioned.

It's going out at peak times - Fri and Sat night - that will get you stares and assumptions. Unfortunately.

OP posts:

Original poster

Boombambop · 28/12/2023 02:53

Quite a lot solo

OP posts:

TinkerTiger · 28/12/2023 02:55

Boombambop · 28/12/2023 02:52

@TinkerTiger I have been to the pub by myself before. For lunch and for a quick drink or two. I do quite also solo, including what you've mentioned.

It's going out at peak times - Fri and Sat night - that will get you stares and assumptions. Unfortunately.

Yes I can see that. But I it's something I'm going to give a go. TBH you can be sitting with a glass of wine at a table and for all anyone knows you're waiting for someone; if it's busy most people won't take notice of how long you've been there

Original poster

Boombambop · 28/12/2023 02:58

@TinkerTiger Let's both make it our goal for 2024! What sort of pub are you going to try this out at? Near, far, while out doing something else?

OP posts:

Drinkinggreentea · 28/12/2023 03:07

Pretty bold of them to put pictures on when they're not single! The taken ones usually don't...maybe they want to get caught???

TinkerTiger · 28/12/2023 03:55

Boombambop · 28/12/2023 02:58

@TinkerTiger Let's both make it our goal for 2024! What sort of pub are you going to try this out at? Near, far, while out doing something else?

Near to me. Not so much a ‘local’ as I’m in London and there are lots about so I admit there’s a certain anonymity to it as well. It’s big and can sometimes be heaving on a Friday/Saturday night. I think I’d like to first try it on the way home from work on a Friday perhaps and perhaps sit in a corner with a glass and a book 🙈

Original poster

Boombambop · 28/12/2023 20:53

Going to a local is just where I'd before to go but I'm far too nervous!

OP posts:

CrapBucket · 28/12/2023 20:56

God they sound awful. I would like to meet a man without going on an app, but irl I can’t imagine going to a pub by myself to do this! There needs to be some other way of doing this. (Plus I don’t want a relationship I just want some sort of FWB arrangement.)

tescocreditcard · 29/12/2023 18:15

Single people need single friends to go out with. Have you looked at meet-up? They organise lots of social things and most people go to them alone

Jennyjojo5 · 29/12/2023 18:28

Oh yes an American study said that around 30% of men on tinder are married and 15% have a partner (can’t remeber exact % but it defo added up to around 50% of men on the apps actually being taken). Gross

RainbowZebraWarrior · 29/12/2023 18:36

Drinkinggreentea · 28/12/2023 03:07

Pretty bold of them to put pictures on when they're not single! The taken ones usually don't...maybe they want to get caught???

The Three! men I knew who did this, pulled the "I've been hacked / someone's nicked my picture from Facebook story when they were caught.

I went on a date with another one. I had no idea he had a girlfriend until the next morning and had a message from her on Instagram. I was horrified, but confirmed I had met him and he'd said his ex girlfriend had upped and left with someone else. I said how sorry I was, blocked his number and gently suggested her boyfriend was a cheating arse and maybe she would be better off without him. She called me a liar and said I was making it all up! This was despite the fact that she'd found me in his WhatsApp contacts (after seeing a message flash up from me, which he apparently hastily deleted) and that's how she found me on IG.

Thmssngvwlsrnd · 29/12/2023 18:36

Boombambop · 28/12/2023 00:48

Whose wives/gfs I know. Eww!

There is also a huge number of men in supposedly open relationships, etc

Shocked, but unsurprised.

Out of interest, will you tell these women that their partners are on Tinder? I would want to know.

samestyle · 29/12/2023 18:44

The paid apps aren't any better, in fact some married men prefer paid dating apps as their wives aren't likely to pay and spy, one guy I had dated once, after digging because he ghosted me I found out he had a gf when looking on fb and had recently left his ex wife and newborn baby, so in the space of two months, left his wife, he already had a gf and dating others, that was on match.com. I always try and look them up first now!

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