Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To secretly get a civil partnership?

11 replies

fannylee · 28/12/2023 00:05

My partner and I are going to buy a home together. Being in a civil partnership will make it so much easier. I’m not sure we’d have the money for a full blown wedding for another 5-10 years.

I don’t want to wait that long to be legally “married”. Would I be unreasonable to go down to the registry office with two good friends as witnesses and get a civil partnership? And tell no one?

Then if/when we go to get married, we can incite family and friends and do it the usual way?

OP posts:
Grimchmas · 28/12/2023 00:07

Do you want a big wedding?

JellyIegs · 28/12/2023 00:12

Will being married really make the house buying easier? DH and I bought our house before being married and I don’t remember this throwing up any particular challenges 🤔

Itsallgoingtopot · 28/12/2023 00:16

JellyIegs · 28/12/2023 00:12

Will being married really make the house buying easier? DH and I bought our house before being married and I don’t remember this throwing up any particular challenges 🤔

This. Wasn’t a problem for me either albeit 16 years ago - have things changed?

SkaneTos · 28/12/2023 00:23

You want your civil partnership to be a secret to your family and friends?

Questions,
Can you keep a secret?
Can your future spouse keep a secret?
Can your Friend 1 keep a secret?
Can your Friend 2 keep a secret?

Other than that, do what you want!
Congratulations on your engagement and your new home! Exciting times!

Warmandbright · 28/12/2023 00:25

We did this. Though we told people after. It was perfectly right for us.

rwc2023 · 28/12/2023 00:25

What bit would be easier? Plenty unmarried / un-CP’d folk would buy a house together. Admittedly there might be certain legal “protections” not afforded to you in the event of the death of one of you, if you left no will and remained unmarried / un-CP’d.

You don’t mention where you live - and legislation is different even with UK - could you convert your civil partnership to a marriage later on?

All that notwithstanding, a quiet / small ceremony is perfectly reasonable if it’s what suits you.

user1473878824 · 28/12/2023 00:26

Can you get married if you’re already in a civil partnership? Why don’t you just get married?

genuinely curious: what difference does being married make to buying?

Strawberrycheesecake7 · 28/12/2023 00:30

I’m also confused about the house thing. My husband and I bought a house together just before we got married. I don’t remember not being married being an issue at all.

Butchyrestingface · 28/12/2023 00:31

Your family could potentially feel very hurt if they learn that two of your friends knew about and were invited to the wedding when they weren’t.

You know your family and your relationships though and may feel this is a negligible risk and/or one worth taking.

EDIT: I said ‘married’ rather than civil partnership but I think the same applies.

Ponderingwindow · 28/12/2023 00:31

I wouldn’t buy a house together without forming a legal partnership. Civil partnership vs marriage feels like semantics to me and I don’t understand the need to keep it secret. You can always have a spiritual ceremony and party with your family and friends separate from the legal paperwork whether that separation is a few hours or a few years. The legal paperwork is all that really matters.

DH and I did ours separate. We celebrate our anniversary as the day we celebrated with family, but it was just practical to get legally married a different day.

Tbry · 28/12/2023 00:43

We own our own house without being married. None of the paperwork was any different or harder to do.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page