Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Re-gifting... To the extreme?

46 replies

Slinky89 · 27/12/2023 22:18

I want to preface this by saying - I am extremely grateful for any presents received! .

That said....

I bought my niece a present for her birthday in March this year. A nice stacking toy with wooden animals. My SIL sent me a video of her playing with it saying it's a hit! Wonderful.

Fast forward to Christmas... Opening gift from SIL and brother to our one year old. That's familiar... I've seen it before .... It's the EXACT stacking toy we gave them only 9 months ago!! Box not sealed. It's not from a big company, not something you'd happen to inadvertently buy again without realising. And if you wanted to buy us something similar because you liked it, there are other similar but not identical products that you could buy, IYSWIM.

So basically they've given us back the item we gave them earlier in the year.

I'm ALL for re-gifting - too many toys just sit unused and then eventually chucked ... but surely it should go to somebody else, not the person who gave it to you?!!

I just find it really bizarre and don't know how to even thank them for the gift because I don't know if they know we gave it to them, or if they've forgotten it was from us. Just a bit awkward really.

This is on the back of being given second hand lift the flap books from them as a birthday present with literally ALL the flaps ripped out. I'm fine with second hand books, in fact I've given them as gifts, but only if in very good condition.

And before anyone says - they are well off. Kids in private school, very very large home, etc. it isn't a money thing. But that's not my issue with it either - it's more the weird re-gifting scenario!!

Genuinely interested to hear people's thoughts on this! AIBU to think this is odd and slightly poor form, if they've knowingly given us back the gift we gave them not long ago?!

OP posts:

ChocolateCinderToffee · 27/12/2023 23:05

Could they have forgotten it came from you? I had a relative who would keep a drawer of unwanted gifts with a note of who’d given her them so she could regift without giving them back to the original giver.

GoingDownLikeBHS · 27/12/2023 23:07

ChocolateCinderToffee · 27/12/2023 23:05

That's raising the game! Professional level re-gifting!!

All jokes aside, this is a mean thing to do with kids - I suppose if they're very young they won't realise but it seems very unkind.

Original poster

Slinky89 · 28/12/2023 02:54

100% exact same... I even checked my emails for the order confirmation!

OP posts:

Original poster

Slinky89 · 28/12/2023 03:04

Totally agree about the book - I was a bit shocked by that to be honest. And when I say all the flaps... I mean ALL! Which obviously makes it unreadable... "Is that lamb behind the gate? ... No it's now a blank page" - one year old was confused! Like you say it's pointless - it had to go in the bin. It's almost like getting rid of their rubbish for them!

OP posts:

Bigcat25 · 28/12/2023 03:05

Have they always been this stingy Slinky? They're being complletely out of order, especially with the book.

Kitkatcatflap · 28/12/2023 03:23

Seriously, call her out on it. If you still have the photo of her child playing with the toy - send the photo and make a comment like 'I knew I had seen it stacking toy before' - you are not outright accusing her of re-gifting/return gifting but it would be interesting to know how she reacts.

CuriousGeorge80 · 28/12/2023 03:35

Honestly with the book the next time I saw them I would have given it them back and said “I think you gave us this by accident as it has all the flaps ripped out, but I wanted to check if little Danny wanted it before we put it in the bin?” - call it out, they deserve it.

The gift is a harder one to know how it happened. I would probably message sibling to sibling (not sure which 2 people are siblings in this scenario) and say “did you mean to regift us the gift we gave you? In the future, if you don’t like something we give you it would be fine to tell us and we can swap it then as opposed to manage it like this.”

It’s possible to call out shit behaviour without starting a fight. And if you don’t, it will just get worse and drive you mad.

NWQM · 28/12/2023 03:40

I always thought regifting was of unused items that were not to taste etc ....regifting a used item is really strange. I have regift unused items when we have been particularly struggling but wouldnt regift to same person.

Original poster

Slinky89 · 28/12/2023 06:13

I suspect this is what happened - she forgot it was from us - although seems strange given that she made of point of saying my niece really liked it, it's not like a toy that was never opened and just sat in a cupboard... But I suppose kids get so many presents for birthdays!

OP posts:

flowerchild2000 · 28/12/2023 06:15

I would be thrilled with the toy but the book deserves a side eye.

Nomagicflute · 28/12/2023 06:18

So rude. If their child finished with it they should subtly give it to a charity shop.

GreatGateauxsby · 28/12/2023 06:23

The flap book is awful form...the toy I could laugh off if relations were okay/good

I would do one of the following

ask sil nicely if she prefers 2nd hand and would like you give her child 2nd hand toys in future (the environment and what not).
just buy low effort cheap stuff (the works, colouring and sticker books etc,) and expect nothing good back
regift random crap too!

Boymum2104 · 28/12/2023 06:25

My SIL gifted us a baby outfit set which MIL had bought for my nephew only a couple months before.. in front of MIL! Very awkward lol

Holidayhell22 · 28/12/2023 06:26

What type of presents do they give you op?
Alcohol? Gift sets? Aftershave and perfume?
Or something you really want and personal such as theatre tickets, days out experiences?
Basically it sounds like they are using you as a recycling centre, somewhere to take their old, unwanted crap to. I’d say you aren’t buying gifts anymore. What is the point?
Seriously you wouldn’t give those books to a charity shop never mind as a gift. Now you know how they afford the lifestyle they do and exactly how little they think of you.

Original poster

Slinky89 · 28/12/2023 06:41

Bigcat25 · 28/12/2023 03:05

Have they always been this stingy Slinky? They're being complletely out of order, especially with the book.

They've never bought big extravagant presents (which is fine obviously) but they've definitely never done anything like this before! They're weird though because they'll spend 3k on the top of the range fridge but then do something like this. They're also a bit weird about having toys around - they have a very 'instagram' home, everything perfectly placed... So I wonder if she's keen to get rid of as many toys as possible!

OP posts:

Original poster

Slinky89 · 28/12/2023 06:52

Holidayhell22 · 28/12/2023 06:26

To be honest we haven't done presents for the adults for a few years, instigated by us because once we all had multiple kids it was becoming too expensive! I can't remember how personal theirs gifts were but we did all used to exchange 'ideas' of what we'd like.
It does seem like they're using us to get rid of old stuff!! I'd never give a ripped up book to anyone, even a charity shop as you say. My husband, giving them the benefit of the doubt, suggested maybe they hadn't realised - but how could they not?! Surely you'd flick through it before giving to someone if it's second hand!

OP posts:

Original poster

Slinky89 · 28/12/2023 06:55

Boymum2104 · 28/12/2023 06:25

My SIL gifted us a baby outfit set which MIL had bought for my nephew only a couple months before.. in front of MIL! Very awkward lol

Oh wow - doing it in front of the person who originally gifted it... That's brazen!! Did MIL comment?!

OP posts:

CheshireDing · 28/12/2023 07:04

You should definitely have given the book bag and acted all concerned and said ‘it’s all ripped please can you return it to the shop for a refund’

Mummyoflittledragon · 28/12/2023 07:13

I’d be tempted to only get charity shop toys from now on.

RedHelenB · 28/12/2023 09:02

Bigcat25 · 28/12/2023 03:05

Have they always been this stingy Slinky? They're being complletely out of order, especially with the book.

I wouldn't spend money on gifts for them going forward.

TimeIhadaNightCapwithSanta · 28/12/2023 09:16

I bought a set of books for my mum to read to dc during lockdown over Facetime. She thought they were too old so never opened the pack.

My sibling, knowing they were my books, sent them to my dc for Christmas (mum now with dementia in a care home)! I was most bemused (it was such a typical-of-her thing to do!)!

Flip

1 2