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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Ex asking for too much - AIBU?

37 replies

PositivityNeeded · 27/12/2023 20:49

Can anyone help me with a legal matter. My ex partner and I bought our first house together back in 2008 and we both contributed £12,000 each towards the deposit. We never married and split, after 3 children 4 years ago. Both names were on the deeds of our first two properties but upon buying the third house we moved into, he had become self employed and it was advised to put the mortgage in my name only and subsequently on the deeds of the house. He couldn't pay his half of the mortgage some months so I paid his share each month that he couldn't.

We split 4 years ago (his decision) and he moved out and rented. He said I could stay in the house until our youngest becomes an adult (8 years time) and then we'd need to sell and he would like his £12,000 plus any equity earned on that portion up until he moved out.

Now he is asking me to sign a legally binding agreement to the effect of the above but I feel this is my home as my name is on the deeds and he chose to move out. I'm willing to give him his £12,000 once I sell in 8 years but no more as I've been paying the mortgage ever since he upped and left. We go halves on all childcare costs and neither ask the other for maintenance. Can he force me to sign? Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:

CatherinedeBourgh · 27/12/2023 20:54

So you want to give him his deposit, without even accounting for inflation?

He is being more than fair. His 12k bought him a % of the property, and he is asking for that back. If he contributed at all to the mortgage, he should be entitled to more, that is what he should get if you had paid 100% of the mortgage since he put up that deposit.

You are really stealing from him if you are not even willing to give him that.

LordSnot · 27/12/2023 20:57

Of course he can't force you to sign. If you can't agree it will have to go to court.

Morally he's being fair.

StripeyDeckchair · 27/12/2023 20:58

If the property cost £100k his £12k gives him 12% ownership.

If you eventually sell for £200k his 12% will entitle him to £24k less 12% of the selling costs (Estate Agent fee & Solicitors fee)

Spirallingdownwards · 27/12/2023 20:58

Get the house valued at the date he moved out. He would be entitled to half the equity at that point less any mortgage payments that you paid his share of before then.

TheSnowyOwl · 27/12/2023 20:59

I think you are BU.

You both need legal advice.

travelallthetime · 27/12/2023 21:00

Yes, you are being unreasonable. He is asking for his share of equity up until he moved out. £12k from 2008 is about £20k today for a start

Spirallingdownwards · 27/12/2023 21:00

StripeyDeckchair · 27/12/2023 20:58

If the property cost £100k his £12k gives him 12% ownership.

If you eventually sell for £200k his 12% will entitle him to £24k less 12% of the selling costs (Estate Agent fee & Solicitors fee)

This is incorrect. They both put in 12k. He would be entitled to half the equity at the m he moved out. However he would owe her for his share of mortgage payments he hadn't made until that date which she could legitimately deduct from that half share of actual equity.

WorriedMum231 · 27/12/2023 21:00

You’re being hugely unreasonable. I actually think it’s disgusting that you would try and do anything other the very reasonable amount he’s asked for.

Riverstep · 27/12/2023 21:01

I would look at how much equity was in the house four years ago ( you can use right move for comparable properties ) and give him 50% of that figure. I would not be waiting another 8 years.

Sunshine997 · 27/12/2023 21:02

He's requesting his 12k plus the equity generated from it up from the time that you bought your first place until he moved out? I dont know the legal position given its your name on the deeds but morally I think hes being reasonable as hes not asking for it until the youngest is 18 and hes not asking for it accumulated until then. I think hes being more than reasonable and YABU.

Babyroobs · 27/12/2023 21:02

Why can't you play fair ? He could easily have forced the sale when you split and you would then have had to find the money to buy him out. The house is half his unless you regularly paid all the mortgage ?

macandroni · 27/12/2023 21:04

So if I've understood this correctly, you purchased 3 houses together (2 jointly and 1 with only you on the deeds) and it was the FIRST House he contributed 12k to the deposit?

I would assume that the two previous properties were sold to enable you to buy your third more expensive home (again, I assume as that's usually how it works).

So yes of course he should get more than the initial 12k he put in over a decade ago... its morally abhorrent imo to suggest giving him merely 12k in 8 years time?! When his joint buying of the last two properties are what has enabled you to live in your third house, which is in your name only due to a technicality.

By all means suggest a deduction due to the months he didn't pay the mortgage but bloody hell... he should have enough for his own deposit AT LEAST. And he should have it now, not in 8 years time. That's awful.

Terrrence · 27/12/2023 21:04

I have no idea of your legal position but morally you are on the wrong side of decency.

Terfosaurus · 27/12/2023 21:05

Yabu. Of course he should get his share of the equity from when he was paying the mortgage.

IDontLoveTheWayYouLie · 27/12/2023 21:06

🙄

Confusednewmum1 · 27/12/2023 21:12

You are being quite unfair - he could ask you to sell now or demand the cash plus equity now but hasn’t. Obviously things have been complicated by multiple moves. What ever was put down on this house needs split 50/50. I imagine this would have been more than the 24k initial investment in property 1, given that you have likely made gains from that then again in property 2. So 50/50 starting deposit on purchase of house 3 is fair place to start not 12k. I take it the house wasn’t valued when he moved out. Ideally I’d research what similar properties nearby sold at when he moved out and take a valuation from that for the equity that would have built up then divide that 50/50 and add to the starting deposit.

Characterbunting · 27/12/2023 21:14

You are being unreasonable regarding the amount owed OP.
No wonder he wants you to sign that agreement.

Although to be fair I think 18 is still very young to be made leave your home because dad wants to sell up...
In an ideal world it would be better to wait to sell until kids are all settled with their own houses. And that's unlikely to be the minute the youngest turns 18.
But he's renting and probably needs the money. And he seems to have behaved decently re the house so far.

Dotjones · 27/12/2023 21:19

Morally you should sign because he is being perfectly fair. It's easy to advise other people though, in your situation I wouldn't sign without independent legal advice. It depends on you as a person, to me the money would trump and qualms over the morality of it, but that's just me. I doubt you have a legal obligation to sign BUT I think he's entitled to more than 12k.

Soontobe60 · 27/12/2023 21:28

Spirallingdownwards · 27/12/2023 20:58

Get the house valued at the date he moved out. He would be entitled to half the equity at that point less any mortgage payments that you paid his share of before then.

However, that would only be fair if the house were to be sold at that point. The OP has the benefit of his deposit and expects to continue to have this until she sells in a few years. He should get back his deposit adjusted for inflation whenever the house is sold. So if they bought it for 100K, his contribution was 12k - 12% deposit. If the house is valued at 250K at the point that it sells, he should get back 12% of 250K - ie 30K

Weedoormatnomore · 27/12/2023 21:51

Sounds like he is being fair. I would consider trying to get a loan or something and pay him off sooner. Could cost you a lot in solicitor bills if you start arguing over the split. Out of interest is the mortgage cheaper or more expensive than if you rented?

Ghentsummer · 27/12/2023 21:55

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Whattodo112222 · 27/12/2023 22:03

Sorry OP. He sounds incredibly fair.. he could be asking for a lot more. It is you that sounds greedy. I hope you do the right thing.

Hankunamatata · 27/12/2023 22:04

I think you are being totally unreasonable.
I think it's more than reasonable for 12% and half equity of 4 years ago. He trusted you by not putting his name on mortgage or deeds for 3rd house, he said you can stay until children are grown. Doesn't matter who left who

Hankunamatata · 27/12/2023 22:05

I'm shocked he was advised not have his name on the deeds

Bichonmum · 27/12/2023 22:07

If you were married and both names were on the deeds, then he would be entitled to half from the sale regardless of when he moved out. The fact that you're paying the mortgage wouldn't matter.

YABU for using the technically of his name not being on against him.

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