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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to contact the other man

16 replies

watchingfromthesideline · 27/12/2023 19:13

Would you get in touch with the partner of your husbands affair? Apparently he knows about it and she has ended things with him. I can contact him but what would I say?

I don't want to make things worse.

OP posts:
Daffyaboutdaffs · 27/12/2023 19:13

What do you think contacting him will achieve?

Jennyjojo5 · 27/12/2023 19:14

I think that has to be a personal decision (personally I 100% would, without a second thought!) as long as you don’t have any expectations about it eg you may not get a reply at all/you may get a shitty reply etc

Gardeningtime · 27/12/2023 19:15

I wouldn’t, why do you want to? Do you have unanswered questions, or are you wanting to check it is over?

id focus on your own issues, is your marriage ended?

PurpleFlower1983 · 27/12/2023 19:16

I wouldn’t see the need if he already knows but if he didn’t know I absolutely would.

BeeCucumber · 27/12/2023 19:17

What would you say? There is nothing to be gained by this. Watch from the sideline is an apt name.

Original poster
watchingfromthesideline · 27/12/2023 19:17

Our marriage has most certainly ended over it, hardly been given any answers so left with lots of questions. Still wondering if this poor man does know really.

Wanting to apologise for my husband ruining his family aswell as mine!

OP posts:
Conkersinautumn · 27/12/2023 19:18

It's not your fault, not your apology to make. This feels like self blame op. Don't do that

offuntilnewyear · 27/12/2023 19:20

Sober me would probably decide not to get involved.

Tonight1 · 27/12/2023 19:20

She's ended it with partner so I don't see the point

WandaWonder · 27/12/2023 19:23

He is none of your business

Gardeningtime · 27/12/2023 19:36

watchingfromthesideline · 27/12/2023 19:17

Our marriage has most certainly ended over it, hardly been given any answers so left with lots of questions. Still wondering if this poor man does know really.

Wanting to apologise for my husband ruining his family aswell as mine!

It’s not your apology to make, please don’t do that,he won’t want it , it will be meaningless. He won’t be the person to answer your questions op.

if you’ve unanswered questions, only your ex husband can help there,

5128gap · 27/12/2023 19:40

Under no circumstances. But working with vulnerable women I get to see far too much of the aftermath of male anger already, without deliberately going out of my way to stoke an unknown fire.

TheSquareMile · 27/12/2023 19:47

watchingfromthesideline · 27/12/2023 19:17

Our marriage has most certainly ended over it, hardly been given any answers so left with lots of questions. Still wondering if this poor man does know really.

Wanting to apologise for my husband ruining his family aswell as mine!

I would focus on the future now, not the past.

I think that many women would feel the same impulse that you are feeling now; some would follow it but many others would step away from it and put all their energies into creating a new and hopeful life for themselves.

That is where you should be investing your time now, I feel.

Take legal advice and start looking forward to a brighter future.

https://solicitors.lawsociety.org.uk/

Find a Solicitor - The Law Society

Find A Solicitor is a free service from The Law Society for anyone looking for legal services in England and Wales that are regulated by the SRA

https://solicitors.lawsociety.org.uk

Browniesandcustard · 27/12/2023 21:28

I messaged my (now ex) husband’s affair partner’s husband. He had a right to know what his wife was up to. If it had been the other way round I’d have wanted to know. I messaged once and just said that he might like to ask his wife about her ‘friendship’ with my husband. I’ve no idea if he read the message but they have since split up (affair partner and her husband). All very easy to say to look forward when it’s not happening to you. I did also message her and ask her if her husband knew what she was up to and then blocked her. As I said, I’d have wanted to know if it was the other way round.

roseheartfly · 27/12/2023 21:33

I did it and honestly I regret it

They'd already split and he a quite rude and goady.

cerisecherry · 27/12/2023 21:42

My friend did this to the husband of the OW. They didn't split up

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