DS age 6, tummy pain and fixated on death?

7 replies

Asparagus1 · 27/12/2023 18:09

Sorry I’m posting here for traffic because I’m worried.

My son is almost 7 and for the past couple of weeks has been complaining of intermittent stomach pain. The first time it happened he woke in the night in pain and was inconsolable for over an hour, at which point I rang 111. While we were waiting for the call back he did a huge poo and I thought that was the end of it.

The same thing happened on Christmas Eve, but earlier in the evening just before he was going to bed. Once again I rang 111 because this time he had already been to the toilet and the pain wasn’t subsiding. While I was on the phone he was crying that he thought he was going to die which was very distressing. They recommended we take him to A&E, which we did.

They did a urine sample at triage, which was clear and by the time the doctor wanted to examine him he was fast asleep and we couldn’t wake him for him to let the doctor know where the pain was. Obviously the pain had lessened at this point for him to be able to sleep. The doctor said she was happy for us to leave but gave us open access in case it flared up again as she couldn’t rule out appendicitis.

Christmas Day and yesterday he’s been ok but intermittently complained of some tummy ache. He started asking me to take him to the doctors about an hour ago. I explained that I can’t just take him, I’d have to ring in the morning for an appointment etc. He got cross with me when I asked to feel his tummy so he could tell me whereabouts the pain is.

He has then told his dad while I was upstairs that he is sad about Nanna (my grandma who died when he was 11 months old) and that this is why he has tummy ache. I remembered that he cried about this at bedtime a couple of weeks ago. And a couple of weeks before that he got very upset one evening and said he’d had a bad thought, what if grandma (my mum) died? I am a bit confused about why he is so upset about my nanna when he can’t remember her, although we do talk about her as I was very close to her.

Sorry I know this is a really long post I’m just unsure about how to deal with this? It’s not as if she’s just died 🤷🏼‍♀️ He also doesn’t seem to want to go to bed either, I know anxieties are always worse at night. Any advice would be much appreciated.

OP posts:

Original poster

Asparagus1 · 27/12/2023 18:46

Anyone please?! 🥺🥺🥺 I don’t know how to help him

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OwlsFirstFlight · 27/12/2023 18:49

It's really hard when they start having a true awareness of death. But it's really developmentally normal and your son is the right age for this. It's good to get him medically checked, but stomach pain in children is often a sign of anxiety. If he's fixated on death at the moment, this may be why he's got a tummy ache.

https://childmind.org/article/anxious-stomach-aches-and-headaches/

Anxious Stomach Aches and Headaches - Child Mind Institute

What does it mean when children get a lot of stomach aches and headaches, especially before school? They are often signs of anxiety, and children may need help managing it to make them go away.

https://childmind.org/article/anxious-stomach-aches-and-headaches

Mumof1andacat · 27/12/2023 19:01

The mind has a lot of control over the gut. Lots of children will have tummy pain, but it's more of an anxiety response, not a physical pain as such. See if his school has a counsellor or ELSA he could spend some time with. There are also some childrens bereavement charities that might be able to offer some help.

dottydoglover · 27/12/2023 19:04

This sounds like a combination of things and it also sounds very much like me as a kid. When I realised as a young child we all die I started to suffer with anxiety - I just couldn't get my head around it . I also suffered with constipation and tummy ache which came and went like your sons. Sounds like he is linking the two together.

TheSnowyOwl · 27/12/2023 19:04

Does he have anything else going on? Obsessive questioning about death and constant sore stomachs (either constipation or anxiety, as both seemed to be the issue) were a daily feature of several autistic children that I can think of.

Original poster

Asparagus1 · 27/12/2023 19:08

Thank you. I would say I’m 99% sure he’s not autistic. He is sensitive though, his personality is very similar to his 17yo sister who is also quite an anxious person.

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MooQuackNeigh · 27/12/2023 19:21

At the same age I was very fixated on death. Nightmares about dying and death things. It turned into a real phobia of death, bodies, bones etc which only really subsided somewhat as an adult.

My parents tried to comfort me by saying it would be years and years away for me but this wasn't really the issue. The whole concept just terrified me the idea of existence being finite. I hadn't even lost any family member or anything it was just triggered by my age/stage.

I would treat it like other anxiety, relaxation techniques, cbt methods, be reassuring and understanding and try not to add to the stress by getting frustrated. Try to think of it as something that will pass naturally in time.

In case the stomach issues are physical I would intruduce more fruit, pears, plums to help things keep moving. It's possible that physical discomfort is waking him up and the wakefulness pain is triggering the anxiety. Treat both.

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