Going home to unhappy partner / think he is trying to end it.

[topgirlalways]

My DP and I have lived together in his house for 8 months, been together for 2 years. He was affectionate, made an effort and I felt very loved and secured in the relationship. Now I feel I annoy him and any affection has gone from his side. I feel he had checked out and only interacting with me till I move out in a few months. I feel on eggshells as I am
not too sure if I will come home to happy, quiet or irritated DP. My default is to stay out the way.

i am only at his as I sold my house to a motivated cash buyer and bought a new house that had delays. He lives rurally with little public transport. we both lived alone for years previously so had to learn to share space.

I have been away at family over Xmas. He has been on call and spending it with his family. However we both got this weird cold/flu bug which floored us. I was ok to travel but had a few days off work before. He had been floored and says he spent all the time I was away in bed.

i have had not many texts. Phone call Xmas day and a non answered call, even though he was on Facebook. All he has done is say he is ill in a few words. He was going to pick me up today, but says he is too ill to drive far. Asked me to go to nearest station to his village and he will see. he says new year maybe cancelled as he is ill.

I think he is forcing me to end it. Lack of communication, affection and just being awkward. He is mildly depressed, put on lots of weight, no sex drive and generally complains all the time. I am trying to support but it’s hard and making me depressed.

any advice to try and make my house a happier place!

Or maybe the poor man is genuinely ill.

I am two days off being poorly for a fortnight.

The eggshells ,it takes time to adjust to living together.

You don’t sound ready for a give and take relationship IMO.

It sounds like living together hasn't worked or isn't working. Where is a relationship like this going to go? It doesn't sound particularly fulfilling and he isn't engaging or treating you kindly - ill or not. Do you think you are two people in love?

You shouldn't have to beg for crumbs from someone and the reality of living with someone with depression is that it's very bloody hard and takes a toll. I would start a conversation; tell him you're unhappy and feel it isn't working, discuss his mental health and what he's doing to help himself as he clearly isn't either and work out whether you consider this man worth all of this.

Not every relationship will work out and frankly it sounds as though you might be happier apart.

Take an airbnb and move out. You both just prefer a somewhat distant relationship.

@TerrysChocolateOrange i have compromised and he hasn’t. I give him lifts places and he moans when I ask. He had not made food since I moved in. I was ill and he went to pub.

@dontgobaconmyheart I have chatted to him. Ha says no issue. I have said I would move out he got really upset. Now st point of no return ad I can’t afford to short term rent. I realised I was not anxious away, but suddenly very tired going back.