Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to say my friend is asking too much of me ?

13 replies

toomanychocolatesonthetable · 27/12/2023 12:36

NC
My friend wants me and her to go out tomorrow night, I told her I will be out all day visiting family and not back until at least 8pm, so it would be a late start to the eve. She then said not to worry and how about Friday eve we have dinner at hers instead. I said that was fine. She is now saying that instead of going out thurs eve she will come to me and we can just stay in.

AIBU to think it's a bit OTT that she wants to see me Thursday and Friday night in a row ? not to mention she wants to meet up NYE too (early on in the day not the eve). For context, we both have DC and I have a long term partner at home.

Or am I just a shitty friend ?

OP posts:
LittleOwl153 · 27/12/2023 12:38

I'd just say no sorry, Thursday is going to be too much with family visits. See you on Friday.

SantaBarbaraMonica · 27/12/2023 12:39

Just tell her you can do Thurs or Fri, not both as you need to spend time with family.

CaineRaine · 27/12/2023 12:40

“Sorry friend, I won’t be up for visitors on Thursday night after being out all day, looking forward to Friday though”

everythingthelighttouches · 27/12/2023 12:43

That would be too much for me.
Just say no.

Is she pushy?
I only ask because you’ve posted on mumsnet about it, so I wonder if you are having to seek advice because you want the back up of knowing you are being reasonable. Whereas for most people, I think this would be a non event.

Original poster
toomanychocolatesonthetable · 27/12/2023 13:04

@everythingthelighttouches It is too much for me and she can be very pushy. I am also working for some of this week too (NHS). She doesn't seem to connect that I might want to spend time with my partner and DC and not every night with her. I feel I am being a horrible friend by posting it on here and not wanting to see her both nights and in the day on NYE too. It's not that I don't want to see her, I don't want to see anyone and just want to be at home to relax, rest & re-set. In sure she knows I'm a people pleaser and takes advantage.

NY resolution - no more people pleasing, time for ME, say NO more, do what I want to do (even if that is staying in alone, I don't mind that)

OP posts:
Toomuch44 · 27/12/2023 13:09

Make it clear what suits you and stick to it. A genuine friend will accept you want time to yourself or with your family, especially if you already have plans to see them. If they get too pushy, then ignore and message Thursday evening asking if still free on Friday.

Sophierx89 · 27/12/2023 13:12

That's far too much socialising for me 😅 I'd tell her you can only meet up on the Friday. However, I would check everything with your friend is ok when you see her. Asking to see someone 3 times in one week over Christmas is a lot, there may be a reason why she feels like she needs to see you.

Birdcar · 27/12/2023 13:14

Just say no, that doesn't work for me.

MariaLuna · 27/12/2023 13:16

I will be out all day visiting family and not back until at least 8pm, so it would be a late start to the eve. She then said not to worry and how about Friday eve we have dinner at hers instead. I said that was fine. She is now saying that instead of going out thurs eve she will come to me and we can just stay in.

She sounds very pushy.

Don't be a walk-over!

I'm sure your family are not thrilled to have a visitor after out visiting all day too.

I'd just want to stay at home and chill out, not have to hostess.

everythingthelighttouches · 27/12/2023 17:07

toomanychocolatesonthetable

You are not being a bad friend for posting it here because she is super pushy and you are trying to work up the energy to deal with her.

But deal with her you must. Be honest with her. Polite but honest and resolute. She is a strong character so she is going to be able to take it. I think you may be pleasantly surprised how well she takes it once you start setting your boundaries.

People-pleasing is not a good thing at all and actually you would be a bad friend if you are continually dishonest, by agreeing to do things with her but secretly resenting her for it.

StaunchMomma · 27/12/2023 17:37

'Sorry, I've promised DH a night on the sofa with a movie tomorrow night. See you Friday'.

It's really that simple.

Cornishclio · 27/12/2023 17:41

Just because she suggests something you do not have to agree to it. You already told her you would be late back Thursday so just message to say you have a long day and on reflection you can only commit to Friday evening not both evenings. Or you stay in Thursday evening at yours but you don't go to hers Friday.

squashi · 27/12/2023 17:49

Say no to Thursday. It sounds as though you're finding her pushiness a bit wearing in general, so this is a good opportunity to set a boundary.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread