Struggling

[Okeydokedeva]

Im really struggling this holiday emotionally and I feel like aibu because I should be more grateful.

im lucky to have a lovely home, supportive DH, healthy DS and work I like. We are currently in an ok financial position.

however…

I was run over last year and have spent the whole year trying to get back on my feet. I can’t chase or lift my darling ds (3 years).
rehab takes huge financial and time resources and is bloody hard work. Parts of me still don’t function right. It’s impacted me sexually and in my ability to move around. I had major surgery on my spine.

my mother is very mentally ill. She is obsessed with her health. She calls ambulances and 111 constantly. Her Christmas message to me was ‘temp of 36.1 very unwell. Waiting for ambulance’. She has been sectioned three times this last few months. Then she screams at me to get her out and calls the police from her hospital bed.

ive been working on recovery from food addiction/ emotional overeating via a 12 step group. We are at the stage in the process where you document resentments. I am overwhelmed by them. Mum kicked me out for no good reason at 16 leaving me to find a bed sit in london. She has controlled and. Manipulated me for decades and I have no idea what. A healthy mother daughter relationship could be like. I can’t stand to be around her now with this new obsession.

father has new family and dropped us for them. We see him a couple of times a year. He was very domineering and scary and still is quite frightening so it’s hard to ask for his advice and support.

close young family member also critically ill and it’s so sad.

i keep looking back on all my errors. Wrong course at uni, not having confidence to apply to more creative jobs, burning bridges on work and relationships, buying property at wrong time, not focusing on finding a partner early, massive infertility journey… I feel so broken.

aibu? On balance I have so much to be grateful for, not least being alive to be with ds. On other hand, I just feel so burnt out by these last few years and my parents and all our health struggles.

yes aibu you should be more grateful and appreciative
no aibu I get it, it would knock me for six too

advice welcome. X

YANBU at all, those are really big issues. Your accident sounds awful, on many different levels. And the work on overeating must be very hard indeed. Your Mum sounds horrific. I know from experience with a relative, how terrible that level of mental illness can be.

It sounds like you already are practicing gratitude for the good things you have. I think you should cut yourself some slack and allow yourself to feel sad or overwhelmed sometimes after an incredibly difficult few years. It wouldn’t be surprising if you were still grieving/adjusting after your accident. This may be why you’re focusing on your ‘errors’.

Be kind to yourself, what you’ve described sounds extremely hard.

Oh my goodness you poor thing , you have so much on your plate ! Do you have any siblings? Just thinking with regard to the situation with your mother that could be of benefit to share the mental load.

@mycatsanutter . Great bame. My cat is also a nutter. I do have a sibling and he does what he can but there’s is a busy family with lots of serious health stuff, and both of us have just had enough of trying to engage really.

Thanks to you both for replying. X

M cat literally attacks me for no reason , proper crazy thing ! You really have a lot on your plate please try and be kind to yourself , you are allowed to be angry and frustrated .

You mention rehab for your physical injuries but have you had any trauma counselling? I'm wondering if you're having something akin to a ptsd response to your accident, hence everything seems so overhelming and awful? Though tbf, what you're dealing with is pretty grim, so i'm not surprised you're struggling. Hope you can find support x