I really dislike my mother & I feel guilty for it.

[Sickofit189]

I’m 40 weeks pregnant
FTM and I’ve been pretty chilled out during most of it considering I need to move house, pay debts etc. Xmas dinner came by and my mother invited me over, I anticipated it being awful and I really didn’t want to go, however I did. My mum said I need to buy presents
for her and my stepdad because she helped me out (few lifts to my midwife appointments)
you could cut the atmosphere with a knife when my mum and stepdad were in the kitchen serving up dinner. Fast forward to present opening my mum didn’t get me or my daughter anything, neither did my stepdad (or so I thought)
I spent £60 on my mum and stepdad and they said thank you. Turns out my mum said to my stepdad I wouldn’t like the present he got me so she kept it for herself (basically she liked it and wanted it)
my nan was there too and my nan was going upstairs to go to the toilet and my mum asked me to stand behind her incase she fell over (did I mention I’m 40 weeks pregnant). My mum did say she wasn’t going to bother with presents this year but in another sentence she was telling us how she got my brother and his daughter presents (he is her favourite) and Graham (my stepdad) is flying her to Turkey to get her teeth done.

That’s just a snippet of how much of an arsehole she can be, my partner said no wonder you’re a bit messed up they are really selfish. I called my nan about it the following day and she said “oh you’re just being sensitive “ .

next Xmas is just going to be me, my partner and my daughter and his kids. I can’t be dealing with having to spend a week recovering after Xmas. At the same time I feel guilty for feeling hate towards my mother but she’s always been incredibly selfish. I was homeless at one point and she splashed out on a boob job & nose job and said “if I could’ve helped I would’ve” yet when my brother was on the run from the police she bought him a caravan and a bit of land to hide in! Wtf!

I can see why you'd want to avoid her.

OMG what possessed you to go there in the first place?

@TheSuggestedAmendment Ikr!

@Sapphire387 its a pain that’s never drifted. Im going to do everything in my power to not be like her as mother lol.

That sounds so messed up the best thing you can do for yourself and your daughter is to cut all contact.

Don't let her have a relationship with your baby.

And if she asks why it's because she is a selfish person who deserves no relationship with you.

Save this post or take a screenshot and read it on 1st December to remind yourself how shit she has made you feel. A year is a long time and memories can go hazy so save this to remind you not to do the same next year.

She sounds vile.
I'd go extremely low contact if you can't go no contact.

She sounds like a soap opera villain, I would just not bother with her anymore tbh.

Your mother sounds horrible. You have your own family to love and focus on, I wish you lots of happiness x

My Grandma was similarly so self-centred. One xmas she said if she had her time to do over, she wouldn't have had my father. My father was so conditioned to not react, he didn't say a word. She didn't get why I took objection. She didn't understand that as her grandchild, I was erased from existence in her ideal re-do of her life.

Its likely you being pregnant has stired up your relationship again as you consider becoming a mum again. Its probably wht you have given her another chance at showing she loves you unconditionally as a mother. You were hoping it would be different. It wasn't. Its hard to face that she won't change now. How she acts as a mother is inconcievable to you as they are so alien to your own feelings about your baby.

You need to protect yourself again, become more detached and only let her in skin-deep. Manage the relationship selfishly and for your own sanity. Go non contact or keep it superficial, whatever gives you peace of mind in your own head. You gave it another chance, it didn't change. Time to concentrate on your own growing family. She doesn't deserve to take up much head space.

Your mum sounds like a narcissist. I have one of those unfortunately. When I became pregnant with my twins I decided to cut all contact and just focus on my family. Best decision I ever made.